This picture of me in Times Square was taken by Rachel Scott when we were in New York together to appear on the Joy Behar Show at the beginning of Nov. Behind me is the Millenium Ball ~ kewl, huh? :)

All the best to you in 2010!  We’re having an NLQ New Year’s Party in the Chat Room for anyone who happens to be up with nothing better to do ~ starting approx. 10 p.m. central time ~ hope you can join us!

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How I was called to give up that which I did not have..

by Arietty

In the years before the internet I relied on printed publications to nurture and sustain my life as a quiverfull homeschooling mom. It was within these publications that I found my own community in the Christian world, something which had eluded me before that.

I read Family LIfe, Above Rubies, The Teaching Home,  Gentle Spirit and a variety of photocopied newsletters from families who had ministries of sending out newsletters. It was often frustrating to me that 3 weeks would go by with no new reading material in my mail box and then BOOM it would all arrive at once. I needed this Christian reading material. It was the friends I had coffee with, the counsel I turned to, even the gossip that passed (in prayer) along the homeschooling grapevine.

I had real life contacts with homeschoolers in my city and would and attend their monthly meetings but the contortions I would have to go through to make this acceptable to my husband made it a source of stress rather than solace. He resented greatly that I should wish to spend 2 hours once a month discussing the teaching of phonics with other women and leave him at home with the sleeping children.. and I paid for my forays every single time with moods and rages and sometimes worse. I tried to go to these meetings with my homeschooling friend but her husband reacted in the same manner so our plans were often set aside for next month. In contrast to this my magazines were always there and when my husband was at work I could read them to my heart’s content. [Read more →]

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How I was called to give up that which I did not have..

by Arietty

I began my journey into fundamentalism and a radical understanding of what it meant to be a mother via Above Rubies magazines. I was young, with an infant and toddler  and my life was very lonely and isolated, made more so by my increasingly hostile husband.

One day my family and a few of my husband’s friends took a long drive to the docks to see a visiting missionary ship. This ship sailed all over the world handing out free Christian literature and putting on evangelical presentations wherever it docked.   We had gone on a ship tour and I remember how the life on board seemed very appealing. The people living and working on the ship had a great sense of purpose, they had community and all kinds of interesting things happened to them. The bunks reminded me of youth group camps with all their intense camaraderie and no distractions from the dullness of day to day life,  just plenty of opportunity for deep emotional connections. There were children on the ship and they did their lessons by correspondence. Their world was a safe and happy one, surrounded by caring Christian adults. 

Wouldn’t it be wonderful I thought if my husband felt a calling to this ministry? We could set sail into uncharted waters of the mission field. We would be protected from all the stresses that made him so angry. I would be free from the feeling that I was doing nothing with my life. And surely here, on this ship that was a family, I would find my place in the Christian world. I had had my children young and often felt dismissed by Christians my own age at church who were still in college and unmarried. “Just a mom”, I knew that is how they saw me as they got law degrees and talked of working for World Vision or Tear Fund. They weren’t my husband’s kind of people any way so even if they had welcomed me into their little groups friendships would not have worked out. But here on this ship people of all ages and backgrounds were thrown together and I was sure my husband would  succeed at being friends with diverse people if God called him to this mission.

Pausing from the tour our group was ushered into a small waiting room until it was time to watch a presentation about the ship’s history and mission work. The men launched into a heated discussion about what was wrong with the theology behind the mission group running the ship (no doubt their view of Revelation was flawed). Their wives talked excitedly about how laundry would be done on the ship, something our enthusiastic tour guide had not revealed. With nothing to say I started picking up the Christian magazines on display. And there was Above Rubies with a sticker on it saying “FREE, please take home”. Flipping through it I saw testimonies, families, recipes and a lot of cheerfulness. I had never seen this magazine before and I carefully put the three different issues available in my diaper bag. [Read more →]

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For those who have requested that Google Friend Connect be added to NLQ:  Ta da! ~ I finally did it.

I tried to insert the Friend Connect gadget here in this post, but for the life of me, cannot make it work ~ so for now, I have moved the “join this site” button to the top right sidebar to make it easy to spot and join.

Thanks for keeping in touch with NLQ, whether through the feedburner, facebook, twitter ~ or now, Google Friend Connect.

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by Vyckie

Christmas used to be a super big deal at our house.  I always went all out with way too many Christmas decorations, we baked cookies and made candy, we visited nursing homes, we went caroling… 

Oh, and the traditions ~ I incorporated every tradition I ever heard of into our Christmas celebration, and even invented a unique, and very touching tradition of my own.  Each year, we bought a nativity set and mailed out one piece per day to a specially-chosen family along with carols, coloring pages, and Christmas devotions related to the nativity character.  For instance, we might mail out one of the wise men with the music to “We Three Kings,” a brief story explaining the meaning of each gift which was presented to Baby Jesus, etc.  So each day, the family would have a package in their mailbox ~ starting with a single lamb, cow, shepherd, … leading up to the arrival of Mary on Christmas Eve.  On Christmas Day, we bundled up and drove to the family’s house to carol and deliver the Baby Jesus figurine personally.  It was always so fun to watch the recipient family’s expressions as they FINALLY figured out who was sending the Nativity one piece at a time for the past two weeks!

Our family devotions were extra special too.  Each evening, we turned on the Christmas lights, lit all the candles, sipped hot cocoa or cider and munched on popcorn while I read Christmas stories and we sang carols together.  Every year, we received a new “Christmas Around the World” set from World Book which contained a book explaining the Christmas traditions from a particular country, plus, carols, recipes, crafts, and a unique ornament from that year’s featured country to hang on the tree.  Over the years, we learned about Old Russia, Belgium, Portugal, France, Mexico, Findland, Japan, Canada, Switzerland, the Ukraine, Germany, and many others.

Early in December, we mailed out hand-addressed Christmas cards to around 500 friends, relatives, sponsors and subscribers to our newspaper.  Each card included a recent family photo and Christmas letter.  Each family member predicted how many cards we would receive in return ~ and every afternoon, when the mail arrived we would read through the cards and Christmas letters.  We always ran out of room on our crocheted Christmas card string which hung in the kitchen ~ so would then use magnets to stick the remaining cards on the refrigerator.  After Christmas, we counted all the cards to see who came closest in their prediction ~ and for a prize, that person got to be right ~ the sort of recognition that we all wanted ~ LOL!

We had company often, and so many friends brought us fruit baskets and gifts for the children … Wow ~ it truly was a season of outpouring of love and friendship ~ all centered around the true meaning of Christmas: the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.  We all looked forward to the month of December with great anticipation.

I’m pretty sure that if back then, I had somehow received a glimpse of Christmas-to-come ~ I’d have been greatly saddened and horrified.  [Read more →]

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by Vyckie

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. (Romans 12:1)

For the past week and a half, NLQ has been presenting the excellent material in Tapati’s Body Image Workshop.  As I’ve read through the posts and all the related comments on the NLQ forum, I’ve been thinking about how the Body Image issue is incredibly relevant to No Longer Quivering and the stories here of women who’ve left the Quiverfull philosophy and lifestyle.

In theory, virtuous Quivefull moms do not have body image issues.  I say this because, of course, there is no “you” in qivering ~ in other words, QF women are taught not to think about ourselves, our bodies, our issues.

About 10 years ago, I attended an Above Rubies retreat in California taught by Nancy Campbell.  The theme verse for the weekend was Romans 12:1, which Nancy had us memorize ~ with special emphasis on ”that ye present your bodies.” 

While acknowledging that moms of many face some special challenges physically, Nancy encouraged us not to regard our bodies as our own personal property:  our bodies belong to Jesus ~ He paid a very dear price to redeem us from eternal destruction ~ and in so doing, the Lord set an example of the sort of self-sacrificial love which we were to have towards God, our dear husbands, and our precious children: a Christ-like ”in the flesh” sort of self-sacrificial love.

Presenting our bodies as a living sacrifice was our “reasonable service.”  In giving over our reproductive lives to His service, we could not claim to be extraordinary Christians ~ no, we were only doing our duty ~ our reasonable service. 

So that’s the theory. [Read more →]

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by Tapati

I remember the lines. You remember the lines. Team captains dividing us into the more or less worthy as we stood waiting for our doom. Nervous laughter accompanying some of the choices. The smell of perspiration pervading the gym as tension mounted and fewer of us remained to be chosen. No one wanted to be last. It was embarrassing enough to be among the last few. We would sell out our best friend rather than be chosen last. We promised God anything if only we would not be last.

Sometimes the worst happened, and I would be the last one chosen. In that position I was supposed to act “cool,” as if it didn’t really matter to me. Over time, from this and other similarly humiliating experiences, I learned to conceal my emotions almost totally. What I still haven’t learned is to reveal my emotions–even to people I love. I learned the lesson all too thoroughly that at any moment my feelings might be used against me: any show of vulnerability brought inevitable attack and ridicule.

Years later, as an adult, I still face versions of “the lines” when I am in public. Most recently–and blatantly–when I began riding the bus to UCSC I soon noticed that I was the last person people would sit by as the bus filled up. At first I thought maybe i was paranoid. But day after day I watched as people consistently avoided sitting next to me until there were absolutely no other seats available. One day people chose to stand rather than sit by me. When finally a person (most often another woman) did sit beside me, they often turned outward to face the other side of the aisle.

I cannot feel natural when I’m in this situation. My throat tightens until I am almost incapable of speech. I hardly dare to breathe, and my entire body tenses with the effort not to touch the other person or take up too much space.

What, I wonder, do they fear–these people who avoid sitting beside me? Do they fear contagion? Guilt by association? Might others suspect them of collaboration? Or am I supposedly so disgusting that they can hardly bear to be that close to me, and dare not risk touching me lest I rub off on them? [Read more →]

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by Tapati

The Model: Five years ago I would have laughed at the suggestion I might be doing nude modeling for an artist. Nothing could have been further from my mind. I was only beginning to work on changing my body image. I was just beginning to appreciate my wide hips, powerful buttocks, smallish breasts, and round belly with its network of stretch marks like ribbons of fine silk. The only parts of my body I had always liked were my blue-green eyes and my soft, thick brown hair.

It was a major step just to go to a beach or a pool in a swimsuit. First I had to know that I deserve access to the water just as much as any thin person. Then I had to use that knowledge as a shield when I ventured out in my bathing suit. I met shocked stares and the occasional rude remarks, but it was worth it to be in the water again. Still, it took a lot of work.

Early in my exploration of body image, I did a series of visualizations with body image educator and hypnotherapist Ruah Bull. The first visualization involved going inside a house–representing the self–and finding the “body room.” I was to enter and take note of what I saw and how I felt about it. The first time I did this exercise, I could not see anything but pitch blackness. It was too scary, this body room. I could not confront it.

Months later, after much work with Ruah, I was able to see into the body room. I saw a room that was much more pleasant than I had expected. It was homey and welcoming. Ruah asked me what changed I might like to make, if any. I said that the windows needed to be bigger to let more light in. When Ruah asked what that meant to me, I said that I wanted more freedom to wear clothing that was revealing, such as shorts and swimsuits. I was tired of being expected to hide myself away.

Years later, I unexpectedly found myself posing nude for an artist’s sketch. I had been swimming with friends in a mountain river, dressed in shorts and a top. I found a natural seat formed by a projection from a cliff wall and sat on it to rest. Everyone remarked that I looked like a mythical Earth goddess and wished someone had a camera. Our host, artist Heather Lee, decided to run home and get her sketch pad. [Read more →]

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by Tapati

This assignment is meant to be interactive. It is a guided visualization followed by discussion or journal writing. You can handle this either by having someone read it to you, going slowly enough for you to visualize, or you can record it and then play it back for yourself. Before you do the visualization exercise, please start by getting into a comfortable position and relaxing with some slow, deep breaths. The concept for this exercise originated with Marcia Hutchinson although I am writing this version myself. You should check out her book, Transforming Body Image, for this and other wonderful body image enhancing activities!

[Read more →]

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by Tapati

1) Make a list of ten things you would do if you really loved your body. Pick one and start doing it now. As you progress you can choose other things from the list. This is an especially powerful exercise for those women who have been waiting to do nearly everything “until I lose those pounds.”

2) Create a support system of friends who support you in loving the body you have now. You may find that your circle of friends shifts as you seek out people who are supportive and leave behind people who won’t accept your limits on negative body talk or diet propaganda. This requires a commitment to yourself–you realize that you deserve acceptance and won’t settle for less.

3) Surround yourself in your own space with positive images of women in various sizes, colors and shapes. This reminds you that real women represent a delightful variety, not the narrow range shown on TV. Pay special attention to images that resemble your own body type. An inexpensive way to do this is to purchase cards at a book store or stationery store with pictures from art of the past and present [Read more →]

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