I got the same comments from my grandmother when we got pregnant with #2. That God gave us brains, didn’t we know how to prevent this, blah blah blah.

We even got that comment from my inlaws, whose first two boys (one of which is my husband) were 13 months apart.

My parents were given the same stupid comments by my grandmother when they had their first three children (I’m the second oldest) in under 3 years. They were using birth control for ALL of us (back in the 70s).

Just goes to show that none of us have a place to judge other people’s situations and circumstances.

Nevertheless.. I always wanted 4 children. By the time I left the movement I had 6 children. After my remarriage I had 2 more children and really if I was not so old I suspect I might have wanted another couple of children. This is despite really hating pregnancy and birth. I love having a big family. It is even better now that the older ones are grown, I see the wonderful support my younger ones have from them that the older ones never had from anyone. There are so many great reasons a big family can appeal to a woman and “God commands it” is NOT one of them.

My grown daughters want to live close to me and talk about buying houses close to me.. how wonderful is that! Compare it to the Visionary Daughters abuse where they are “commanded by God” not to leave the home until they marry. Families can be close and full of love for one another without having to follow formulas based on fear.

Oh and Charis I’m glad you are dying your hair. A friend I had in the movement (who can no longer talk to me since my divorce) was completely grey by 37 and has always been forbidden to dye her hair though she did want to.

I remember once when my eldest was 16 and I had a newborn (my 7th). We were shopping in Walmart and my 16 yo was holding the crying baby while I paid. She handed the baby to me and he instantly quieted. The cashier commented “Grandma’s got the touch” I was mortified! I badly wanted to color my hair to take out the gray so I wouldn’t look like a grandma to my own children. My husband forbid it, said it was “lying”, “deceptive”, and “the Bible says gray hair is a crown to the aged”. I’m still married to the same man, but eventually I grew up enough not to allow myself to be controlled like a 10 year old child and to fix my own hair the way I like it and nowadays I feel much better about looking like “mom” instead of grandma. Hard to believe that I used to be afraid that God would disapprove of a little hairdye!

Lydia