Comments on: I want my Mommy!!!! http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/ There Is No 'You' In Quivering ... Thu, 24 May 2012 13:54:48 +0000 hourly 1 By: Carrie http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/comment-page-1/#comment-770 Carrie Wed, 15 Apr 2009 15:34:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/#comment-770 My dear friend, Laura,<br />Funny how I could see the judgment from Dale, but never could believe it coming from you. I saw love and mercy in your heart and I was drawn to that. Yes, I took anti-depressants for a few years, and they helped me get through a rough time, but I found unconditional love, respect and acceptance to be a major healing factor in my life. And yes, I knew you had a problem with my taking meds, but I also saw that you were hungry for help, and I was willing for you to look down on me for a while, in hopes that maybe I could make getting help a little more acceptable to you. Yes, I saw a therapist when things were rough in Minnesota and then again after we moved to Connecticut. Ya know, things aren't so rough now, but I love the learning and growing I do when seeing a therapist, so I just found me another one. <br />Ya know what I love about your writing? You aren't bashing Dale. You are telling your story. <br />Once you said in comparing me to Dale that I am the one who loves like Jesus. Wow! No one could pay me a greater compliment. It also made me realize that know you that Dale's god is his own invention. His god is not the real deal. My prayer is that you will be able to sort out the real God from Dale's god, that you will become aware of the times that God carried you through when the going was so rough. <br />Today is your birthday and I am celebrating for you are a very special friend to me. <br />I, too, used to feel that I was "good", that I was superior to others and would bestow my wisdom on them. I realize now that we are equals, that I have much to learn from those I used to think of as beneath me. <br />I love you, Laura. You are precious to me! My dear friend, Laura,
Funny how I could see the judgment from Dale, but never could believe it coming from you. I saw love and mercy in your heart and I was drawn to that. Yes, I took anti-depressants for a few years, and they helped me get through a rough time, but I found unconditional love, respect and acceptance to be a major healing factor in my life. And yes, I knew you had a problem with my taking meds, but I also saw that you were hungry for help, and I was willing for you to look down on me for a while, in hopes that maybe I could make getting help a little more acceptable to you. Yes, I saw a therapist when things were rough in Minnesota and then again after we moved to Connecticut. Ya know, things aren’t so rough now, but I love the learning and growing I do when seeing a therapist, so I just found me another one.
Ya know what I love about your writing? You aren’t bashing Dale. You are telling your story.
Once you said in comparing me to Dale that I am the one who loves like Jesus. Wow! No one could pay me a greater compliment. It also made me realize that know you that Dale’s god is his own invention. His god is not the real deal. My prayer is that you will be able to sort out the real God from Dale’s god, that you will become aware of the times that God carried you through when the going was so rough.
Today is your birthday and I am celebrating for you are a very special friend to me.
I, too, used to feel that I was “good”, that I was superior to others and would bestow my wisdom on them. I realize now that we are equals, that I have much to learn from those I used to think of as beneath me.
I love you, Laura. You are precious to me!

]]> By: Anonymous http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/comment-page-1/#comment-769 Anonymous Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:39:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/#comment-769 I'm always puzzled by Christians who refuse medical treatment (like anti-depressants), because I think of the following joke:<br/><br/>Man is sitting on top of a house in a flood. The next door neighbor comes by in a boat and offers him a lift, the man says "No, I'm waiting for God to provide". The police come by in another boat and he waves them off saying, "God will provide". The National Guard comes in a helicopter and the man waves *them* off. The man drowns. In Heaven, the man asks, "God, why didn't you save me?". God says, "I sent you TWO boats and a HELICOPTER! What more did you WANT?"<br/><br/>I'm glad you found your way out. I’m always puzzled by Christians who refuse medical treatment (like anti-depressants), because I think of the following joke:

Man is sitting on top of a house in a flood. The next door neighbor comes by in a boat and offers him a lift, the man says “No, I’m waiting for God to provide”. The police come by in another boat and he waves them off saying, “God will provide”. The National Guard comes in a helicopter and the man waves *them* off. The man drowns. In Heaven, the man asks, “God, why didn’t you save me?”. God says, “I sent you TWO boats and a HELICOPTER! What more did you WANT?”

I’m glad you found your way out.

]]> By: Anonymous http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/comment-page-1/#comment-771 Anonymous Thu, 09 Apr 2009 01:39:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/#comment-771 I'm always puzzled by Christians who refuse medical treatment (like anti-depressants), because I think of the following joke:<br/><br/>Man is sitting on top of a house in a flood. The next door neighbor comes by in a boat and offers him a lift, the man says "No, I'm waiting for God to provide". The police come by in another boat and he waves them off saying, "God will provide". The National Guard comes in a helicopter and the man waves *them* off. The man drowns. In Heaven, the man asks, "God, why didn't you save me?". God says, "I sent you TWO boats and a HELICOPTER! What more did you WANT?"<br/><br/>I'm glad you found your way out. I’m always puzzled by Christians who refuse medical treatment (like anti-depressants), because I think of the following joke:

Man is sitting on top of a house in a flood. The next door neighbor comes by in a boat and offers him a lift, the man says “No, I’m waiting for God to provide”. The police come by in another boat and he waves them off saying, “God will provide”. The National Guard comes in a helicopter and the man waves *them* off. The man drowns. In Heaven, the man asks, “God, why didn’t you save me?”. God says, “I sent you TWO boats and a HELICOPTER! What more did you WANT?”

I’m glad you found your way out.

]]> By: Anonymous http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/comment-page-1/#comment-768 Anonymous Sun, 05 Apr 2009 01:53:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/#comment-768 "The first question that always occurs to me is: how does someone raised by Jewish lesbian women end up this way - in an abusive patriarchal Quiverfull Christian marriage? I just can't wrap my mind around it."<br/><br/>That's a common misconception about domestic abuse. The truth is that it can happen to anyone--including strong-willed women raised in stable home environments. <br/><br/>Kristin “The first question that always occurs to me is: how does someone raised by Jewish lesbian women end up this way – in an abusive patriarchal Quiverfull Christian marriage? I just can’t wrap my mind around it.”

That’s a common misconception about domestic abuse. The truth is that it can happen to anyone–including strong-willed women raised in stable home environments.

Kristin

]]> By: nina http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/comment-page-1/#comment-767 nina Wed, 01 Apr 2009 00:07:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/#comment-767 Laura-I love you,sis! How can the hurting find healing? How can those burned by fundalmentalism go on, leaving the bitterness behind? I hope your story can tell us... Laura-I love you,sis! How can the hurting find healing? How can those burned by fundalmentalism go on, leaving the bitterness behind? I hope your story can tell us…

]]> By: Morgan http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/comment-page-1/#comment-766 Morgan Tue, 31 Mar 2009 04:18:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/#comment-766 i just want to comment that in a way, you shouldn't feel too bad about not taking the drugs..i mean, it seems that it was your life that was making you miserable, not necc. a chemical imbalance. (although they can occur together, and going through a rough time can cause a chemical imbalance, and meds can help us get out of a bad situation). But the sadness i don't think was being caused by your brain, but was a normal response to the awful abuse you were dealing with. i just want to comment that in a way, you shouldn’t feel too bad about not taking the drugs..i mean, it seems that it was your life that was making you miserable, not necc. a chemical imbalance. (although they can occur together, and going through a rough time can cause a chemical imbalance, and meds can help us get out of a bad situation). But the sadness i don’t think was being caused by your brain, but was a normal response to the awful abuse you were dealing with.

]]> By: Maria Fergus http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/comment-page-1/#comment-765 Maria Fergus Mon, 30 Mar 2009 18:04:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/#comment-765 Laura, I want to comment to support you and Vyckie because I feel such a connection. But.. I am a nursing student and unless I am studying, my brain is mush these days. So, I'm just saying "Hi", I support you. Also, when will we hear from your other mom ? Laura, I want to comment to support you and Vyckie because I feel such a connection. But.. I am a nursing student and unless I am studying, my brain is mush these days. So, I’m just saying “Hi”, I support you. Also, when will we hear from your other mom ?

]]> By: Jadehawk http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/comment-page-1/#comment-764 Jadehawk Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:36:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/#comment-764 charis, I really really believe that when girls still live at home, they develop the weird "i don't wanna be like mom" attitude, but real life eventually catches up to them and they learn why their mom is who she is.<br/><br/>when i was a teen, I couldn't wait to get away from my mom. we argued every day, about absolutely everything, even the tiniest stupid things. I ended up running so far away that I ended up on the other end of the world (I moved from Germany to California, that's almost 9000 miles away from mommy). a few years of living in the real world and making my own experiences is now bringing me closer (well, mentally. I still live 7000 miles from home) to my mom.<br/><br/>it takes time, but I'm sure it'll happen to Laura's children and to yours as well. charis, I really really believe that when girls still live at home, they develop the weird “i don’t wanna be like mom” attitude, but real life eventually catches up to them and they learn why their mom is who she is.

when i was a teen, I couldn’t wait to get away from my mom. we argued every day, about absolutely everything, even the tiniest stupid things. I ended up running so far away that I ended up on the other end of the world (I moved from Germany to California, that’s almost 9000 miles away from mommy). a few years of living in the real world and making my own experiences is now bringing me closer (well, mentally. I still live 7000 miles from home) to my mom.

it takes time, but I’m sure it’ll happen to Laura’s children and to yours as well.

]]> By: Laura http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/comment-page-1/#comment-763 Laura Mon, 30 Mar 2009 16:28:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/#comment-763 Dear SL, You hit the proverbial nail on the head when you answered your own question. I was a very rebellious teenager. My moms said they didn't want me to date my ex husband and that was all I needed to encourage me to do it! Although, I didn't marry my ex to spite my moms. It was more to spite my ex, if you can believe that! He had asked me to marry him twice and I said yes and then I said no. Finally he got exasperated and asked again and I told him, " I can't marry you. My family would kill me." He responded, "You care more about your family than you do about me." In side I said, "The hell I do! FINE...I'll marry you." And I did. Sort of cut off my nose to spite my face. I never could handle being challenged like that. It made me want to prove that person wrong in the worst way. And at barely 18 years old, I didn't have the maturity to think through the bad decisions I would contemplate. I just did things. I was a very strong willed individual. When I got involved in Christianity, it was like having a new family without all the difficulties. They all thought I was wonderful and I liked that. Not that my moms didn't feel that way too but I had been a bit of a trial to them to raise up what with sneaking out my window at night and running away and so on. I had a clean slate with these people and I wanted to look good. I really think I was rebelling against my ex husband trying to tell me what I would and wouldn't do as opposed to rebelling against my moms. Not to mention that we really were only culturally Jewish. Nothing more. So religion didn't play into things in my mind. I was pretty well an agnostic. Dear SL, You hit the proverbial nail on the head when you answered your own question. I was a very rebellious teenager. My moms said they didn’t want me to date my ex husband and that was all I needed to encourage me to do it! Although, I didn’t marry my ex to spite my moms. It was more to spite my ex, if you can believe that! He had asked me to marry him twice and I said yes and then I said no. Finally he got exasperated and asked again and I told him, ” I can’t marry you. My family would kill me.” He responded, “You care more about your family than you do about me.” In side I said, “The hell I do! FINE…I’ll marry you.” And I did. Sort of cut off my nose to spite my face. I never could handle being challenged like that. It made me want to prove that person wrong in the worst way. And at barely 18 years old, I didn’t have the maturity to think through the bad decisions I would contemplate. I just did things. I was a very strong willed individual. When I got involved in Christianity, it was like having a new family without all the difficulties. They all thought I was wonderful and I liked that. Not that my moms didn’t feel that way too but I had been a bit of a trial to them to raise up what with sneaking out my window at night and running away and so on. I had a clean slate with these people and I wanted to look good. I really think I was rebelling against my ex husband trying to tell me what I would and wouldn’t do as opposed to rebelling against my moms. Not to mention that we really were only culturally Jewish. Nothing more. So religion didn’t play into things in my mind. I was pretty well an agnostic.

]]> By: Charis http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/comment-page-1/#comment-762 Charis Mon, 30 Mar 2009 12:30:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/03/30/i-want-my-mommy/#comment-762 Laura,<br/>I had a similar internal battle over AD meds. Complicated by my husband's strong judgment of anyone using them and my alcoholic father's spending my entire childhood taunting my mother as "sick sick sick" because she had suffered major post-partum depression and been hospitalized for a year following my older brother's birth. It helped me to look at AD's as "brain vitamins", to restore chemicals that had been depleted by constant stress. I wasn't on prescription AD's very much, but I still take St. John's Wort.<br/><br/>aimai,<br/>very interesting perspective on those biblical accounts (Abraham & Isaac, and Lot & wife)<br/><br/>Jadehawk,<br/>That is comforting (your comment about mothers and daughters). Not that my situation is as distant as Laura's, but I do feel that their father's long term role model of disrespecting me and taking me for granted often shows up in the children's attitude toward me. And I hurt for Laura that the children just don't understand how hard it is to be seen by them too through their father's disrespectful, demeaning perspective. At times, I have wanted to "run away" myself. Laura,
I had a similar internal battle over AD meds. Complicated by my husband's strong judgment of anyone using them and my alcoholic father's spending my entire childhood taunting my mother as "sick sick sick" because she had suffered major post-partum depression and been hospitalized for a year following my older brother's birth. It helped me to look at AD's as "brain vitamins", to restore chemicals that had been depleted by constant stress. I wasn't on prescription AD's very much, but I still take St. John's Wort.

aimai,
very interesting perspective on those biblical accounts (Abraham & Isaac, and Lot & wife)

Jadehawk,
That is comforting (your comment about mothers and daughters). Not that my situation is as distant as Laura's, but I do feel that their father's long term role model of disrespecting me and taking me for granted often shows up in the children's attitude toward me. And I hurt for Laura that the children just don't understand how hard it is to be seen by them too through their father's disrespectful, demeaning perspective. At times, I have wanted to "run away" myself.

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