Comments on: Vyckie’s Tour de Crap: When I Am Weak

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 02:47:00 +0000

See, that’s the thing… I don’t think it’s good for us to “make ourselves weak.” You know? Constant self-denial is just life-denying (Yeah, I’m riffing on Nietzsche there.), and if I’m going to have any spiritual praxis at all, I want it to be one that makes me–and others–feel strong instead of wasted and spent.

I remember checking out the Duggar family’s website (You know, the family that TLC makes look “cute” and “harmless” and healthy.) and seeing something like “Michelle Duggar’s advice to women.” Anyway, she wrote about being so spent and broken down one night over the family laundry that she broke into tears. And it was just more of the same–relying on God “in her own weakness” and all of that. That just makes me sad.

Kristin

By: kisekileia

kisekileia — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 07:57:00 +0000

I’ve often heard that suffering promotes virtue, but I believe seeking out unnecessary suffering is just masochism. There’s no virtue in that–the virtue is in getting yourself out.

By: Laura

Laura — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:32:00 +0000

You were absolutely right Vyckie….reading this made me want to barf! I was just like you…UGH!

By: madame

madame — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:29:00 +0000

Vyckie,

I agree with others who have said you are very brave, and very humble.
You encourage me to be humble enough to view some of my "holier than thou" attitudes for what they are.

I would have inhaled that article along with the rest of the magazine at one point a couple of years ago, but not now. I'm sick and tired of sermons and "second hand gospel". Christians are addicted to processed food. We are becoming unable to process the Bible for ourselves and live by our own convictions.

Mara,
I also have someone who shares with me things that have been encouraging to her. Some of it is encouraging, some sounds very much like a person trying to stick their head in the sand, and some of it is akin to Debi's advice in CTBHH. I don't do manipulation and doormatism any more. I'd much rather say what I mean, and then choose to love, but not because someone is telling me I have to.

By: madame

madame — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 14:20:00 +0000

I think it's also about GUILT. It's the message that whatever you're doing for God, it's not good enough unless you're uncomfortable doing it. You know-- "get out of your comfort zone."

Absolutely! Not only do QFrs do that, Charismatics "build our church lord" people do that too. They make you feel like something they just scraped off their shoe if you dare say you're not good at evangelizing, or you're not going to an all-night prayer vigil and you're staying at home with your three under fives.
I am learning to shake it all off, knowing that guilt-induced "service" is of no use.

Arietty,

I am always rejoicing in my freedom of mind, my children and simple pleasures of food and sunshine. But I don't use these joys to convince myself that negative things aren't really negative any more.

Well done.

I've noticed something about people who believe they have to just "suck it up" or who (even worse) believe they always have to be rejoicing, so force themselves to do so. They are usually the hardest people on everyone else.
People who genuinely have the joy usually have a lot more understanding and compassion for hurting people. They understand that hardship or pain is real, no matter how "small" it may look in our eyes.

Adelynn,

The Pearls tell women to deliver their husbands to the law, let them serve their time, and use that time to romance them back! I recall Michael or Debi saying that they should see the time their husbands spend in jail as a time in which they can love them back with love letters, weekly visits, etc...
When they came out, they should be welcomed back with open arms. This was definitely the advice given to a woman who was being beaten by her husband. For child molestors, they advised she get him to do "ten or 15 years, enough time to keep him away while the children are growing so they will be gone by the time he is released". Then she should welcome him back.

By: aimai

aimai — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:08:00 +0000

You are a scarily good writer, Vyckie. Its almost like giving out free samples of crack, though. Yesterday I went over to “above rubies” out of curiosity and found myself reading a pathetic essay “on pornography” by a woman who had forced herself to forgive her husband for screwing around with prostitutes and giving her venereal disease while she was struggling to cope with five children, a pregnancy, and a high needs child or two. It was absolutely jaw dropping to read her anger at the people–her own church and his own family–who had tried to get her to see that divorce was the right thing to do in this case. She seems to have brushed up against the “self help” and the addiction movements and recoiled in horror at the notion that she, or he, should take responsibility for achieving the life they want. It was all on her to do it and she was going to make him be the leader in a christ centered family if it killed both of them. Stockholm syndrome indeed.

aimai

By: Arietty

Arietty — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 04:50:00 +0000

Debi Pearl also said that if your child molesting husband has served his time in prison and you no longer had children living at home you have to take him back. Appalling.. imagine how betrayed your children would feel. I can find the reference if needs be.

And yes Vyckie you ARE intellectually brave. Given the choice I would rather the letters I had published in QF magazines disappeared forever!!! I hope no one ever sees them again, lol.

It's incredible what a set up that reasoning is (and I would have loved it if I'd read that article while a fundie). Not only do you have to do everything God has given you the gift of doing, you have to do everything you suck at too!

I was a great one for never complaining because, you know, Christians were being executed in China. I did find it easy to have a thankful spirit for the very basics in life (in my hut, lol) such as electricity and that is one thing I've never lost. I am always rejoicing in my freedom of mind, my children and simple pleasures of food and sunshine. But I don't let use these joys to to convince myself that negative things aren't really negative an more.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 03:41:00 +0000

Vyckie, you are brave to post this, and it is eye-opening. So much about performing, and so little about just being; so much about service and sacrifice, and nothing about joy, or love, or living in God’s presence. My heart goes out to you.

KR Wordgazer

By: Jadehawk

Jadehawk — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 03:35:00 +0000

well, I’m not a psychiatrist so i can only give you the gist. but basically the Syndrome is named after a hostage crisis where some bank robbers took a building full of people hostage. It lasted six days, and in that time the hostages became oddly attached and loyal to the bank robbers and defended them after the crisis was over.

basically, it seems to be a coping mechanism in high-stress situations in which you’re powerless: you start thinking that this was right, and defend those who are doing it to you.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 03:32:00 +0000

Just to clear up for Grandma Lou , (and I am not a fan of the Pearls), that Michael Pearl actually tells people in that situation to turn in their dhs and let them feel the full extent of the law against them, to protect their dds from the perverts at all costs, and he has absolutely NO sympathy for them whatsoever. Like I said that I am no fan of the Pearls ways, but I don’t think that they should be misrepresented either .

~Adelynn