God showed me that all along the door of this cage was open. I WAS free to walk in and out. When my husband was reasonable and respectful, I could go in and live along side him and encourage and support him. When he was not, or when I could no longer handle the despair, I was free to open the door and walk out. I could converse with him from outside the cage or simply go somewhere else until I was strong enough to return and deal with his issues. He would stay in the cage on his own choice because the world outside was too frightening for him and reflected truth of himself and his relations which he could hide and deny inside the cage.

I used this freedom until I became aware there was nothing I could do or say that would change his behavior and stop the harm that was happening to myself and my children. At that point, God unfolded a wonderful escape plan for us that gave us protection and provision. We are still learning to live in this freedom away from his rules and restrictions. We are still learning to accept ourselves and each other but it is so much better than before. Just slow progress. God is still with us. He still provides often before I know the need. With terminal cancer looming in my future, I trust he’ll have the net ready for my children and will provide them a means of survival as well.

Living in the world, denying His existance does not mean He doesn’t exist or that His teachings are not valid. This is just denial, my friends. There is no other cause or start of this world and all of creation that makes sense. I am looking forward to reading more of your views of God as you entered this new life.

Dove

What is the most important thing to be doing?
Who is the most important person?
What is the most important time?

The conclusion, for people who can’t find the book, is:

The most important person is the person you are with at the moment.
The most important thing to be doing is the thing that needs doing for that person.
The most important time is now, because it is the moment in which the person and the thing that needs doing comes together.

aimai

I have found that many of my family and friends who have become nontheist/unbeliever also have a sense of “what do I do now?” You become so tied into your religion that it takes over your life. Now your life is truly yours – and it is precious. I imagine you now find that you are able to fully commit to your family and friends, and in a way that is truly YOU – not in a way that is prescribed to you by some book or holy dude.

For me, I also have found that I truly appreciate the life I have, because it is the only one I’ve got. There is no afterlife, so I need to make the most of this life, right now.

I also need to try to live the best, most honorable life I can because there is no god who will “reset” my transgressions. I am fully responsible for my actions, and my interactions with others – so I need to be the best person possible, and treat others with love, compassion, and respect.

I find your life story fascinating, Vyckie, and I appreciate you for sharing it with us. I know reliving all of this must be hard at times, and you should know that this is understood and appreciated.

I look forward to the next installment.

Take care,

–Rock, aka LotusGeek

So ~ if your comment is missing, that’s what happened. I’m hoping this is actually helpful and not just confusing!

If you can why don’t you move our posts–which as you say should really be under a different heading, or copy them over there. Each of your posts has spawned some really, really, interesting sub threads and discussions and its pretty clear you are getting new readers all the time from the Salon article. You might consider closing some threads after 48 hours or a week or so, too. Lots of blogs do that. Its a shame, in a way, because I think people are excited to read all your early posts and its all tied together so its nice to have people reading along and getting the “full story” instead of jumping it. But I think for purely housekeeping reasons you might want to close a thread and then re-open it on a slow day as an “open thread” where you invite your readers to discuss some previous topic. Like “Open Thread: Is Patriarchy in the Bible and So What?”

But on the topic of leaving your cage I’m reminded of a story from the period of British Colonial Rule in India. At that time one or two British officers would be sent out to rule over hundreds of thousands of Indian subjects of the Raj. Those officers would be responsible for everything–law, economics, religion, military matters, etc… The job was demanding and exhausting and finally the senior man gets so exhausted and depressed that he kills himself and the second in command, with fear and trembling, steps into the new role. But they can’t afford to send him out a secretary/second in command so he’s all alone in the new job. And yet, its easy. So easy! Because half the work was caused by his having to send stuff up the chain of command for approval, or the senior guy running things down to him to see if it made sense. Just one guy? Cut the work in half.

And I always feel the same way when my (very lovely) husband is out of town. Its just easier just knowing in advance you have to do stuff by yourself, make up your own mind, cater to your own tastes.

Its a wonderful world out there Vyckie and I’m so glad you are able to embrace it and see how fantastic it is for you and your children.

aimai

BUT ~ this morning, I thought I’d pop in here to the comments section and share those thoughts with you.

It’s been a little over a year and a half since I wrote this last letter to Ron. A lot has changed for me since then as far as being much more comfortable in HAVING NO IDEA what I believe ~ I’m finding that it’s not so impossible to keep going without having an incredibly strong purpose (the glory of God) as I used to have as a dedicated Christian.

As I was re-reading the parable that I wrote for Ron (which, BTW ~ I’m going to toot my own horn here and tell you that I thought it was a pretty powerful description of the inner turmoil I was experiencing as a result of the upset of my beliefs) ~ I realize that at the time my great fear was that outside of Christianity was this big scary place ~ “The World” ~ full of terrifying creatures eager to devour me and my children.

Turns out that what I’ve actually escaped to is FREEDOM ~ a place where I can be ME. I am able now to fully utilize my gifts and talents without having to worry about whether or not my every thought and action lines up with Scripture.

And yes ~ I’ve brought my children outside “the cage” with me ~ and they are not just surviving, but THRIVING as they experience the freedom to learn, to explore, to discover what sort of persons they are ~ what are their gifts, talents, thoughts, feelings, ambitions. None of that was possible so long as they were “cooped up” within the confines of biblical Christianity.

“The cage” which I viewed as a place of security and safety from the outside world, existed solely in my head ~ it was a pattern of thinking (which I’m going to get into in future posts)that focused (narrowed) my mind on only that which was biblical.

[NOTE: If you disagree about whether I was interpreting Scripture correctly ~ don't comment about that here ~ I created a specific post for that discussion ~ the post: "Patriarchy IS in the Bible ... I think it's even in the Godhead which is part of the reason I've tossed Him out of my life" ~ I'd really appreciate if we tried to keep that topic over there ~ it's just a little organizational thing of mine ‹(ô¿ô)›]

Also, looking back ~ What a mess, huh?!!

All at the same time, I had Angel attempting suicide, the next three oldest all had surgery within 6 weeks of each other (which entailed 4 trips to the hospital in another state), Warren’s insecurity and subsequent abuse was escalating, we had social workers at the door, my health was quickly deteriorating ~ and in the midst of it all, I realized that I didn’t believe in the Bible and Jesus anymore. Ack!!

I had lost all confidence ~ didn’t believe that I was capable of being a good mother to my children or making responsible decisions ~ I was pretty sure that I had totally screwed up all of our lives and maybe the way to make it all better was to take myself out of the picture.

BUT ~ I noticed as I was re-reading, that even at that low point, I still had that feeling that everything was going to be okay ~ I would get through it all. “Since it’s my story, we can expect that the ending will be something like, ‘And they all lived happily ever after.’” ~ that’s faith, huh? Faith in what, I couldn’t really tell you (certainly not in myself) ~ but it’s obvious to me that I DID HAVE FAITH ~ still do.