Sigh. I wasn’t writing to you. (This is being said politely by me to you.)

As to Vyckie and Laura. They have made statements, like “I’ve wasted my life”, “my life has been wasted” as if there has been nothing good up til now. These are statements that sound like they are from the deepest, darkest depressed moments and can’t be true unless they wish their children had never been born (maybe this is a fact but I doubt it).

Without the chosen lifestyle that they got involved in, they wouldn’t be where they are now. But there are no guarantees that their lives would be “wonderful” as some might assume. They’d have had no reason to write this blog, or be interviewed on tv, or write a book, etc.

You can choose to focus on the negative, or you can choose to pick up where you are and go on. It’s an attitude.

I just hate it when anyone says, “I’ve wasted my life” unless it is true. I can think of drug addicts and alcoholics who have truly done little to nothing worthwhile except provide pain and trouble for people they meet.

Both Laura and Vyckie, it appears, been major players in raising a BUNCH of kids. Their lives haven’t been wasted. Hardly.

Yes, it does irritate me that people here would encourage them in this mindset.

Their lives are now heading a different course, but what has gone before has given them some ideas on what direction they want to go now. That’s not “a wasted life.”

Sigh. I wasn’t writing to you. (This is being said politely by me to you.)

As to Vyckie and Laura. They have made statements, like “I’ve wasted my life”, “my life has been wasted” as if there has been nothing good up til now. These are statements that sound like they are from the deepest, darkest depressed moments and can’t be true unless they wish their children had never been born (maybe this is a fact but I doubt it).

Without the chosen lifestyle that they got involved in, they wouldn’t be where they are now. But there are no guarantees that their lives would be “wonderful” as some might assume. They’d have had no reason to write this blog, or be interviewed on tv, or write a book, etc.

You can choose to focus on the negative, or you can choose to pick up where you are and go on. It’s an attitude.

I just hate it when anyone says, “I’ve wasted my life” unless it is true. I can think of drug addicts and alcoholics who have truly done little to nothing worthwhile except provide pain and trouble for people they meet.

Both Laura and Vyckie, it appears, been major players in raising a BUNCH of kids. Their lives haven’t been wasted. Hardly.

Yes, it does irritate me that people here would encourage them in this mindset.

Their lives are now heading a different course, but what has gone before has given them some ideas on what direction they want to go now. That’s not “a wasted life.”

As for the notion that “these [christian] people invested their lives in [vyckie]” and that “to turn around and say it was “all wasted” is wrong” I don’t really understand what that means to you, or what is achieved by saying it. Those christians, to the extent they were christians and not agnostics, or deists, or atheists, or feminist/jews or whatever did what they did for love of Vyckie and/or love of their ideals. It sounds like the ones who tried to help her to a clearer understanding of their faith, or of her situation (certainly the ones who tried to help her get away from scott) would be cheering her on at this stage of her life *regardless* of how she feels about Christianity. If they require some sort of eternal thanks and submission from Vyckie that is a pretty selfish and uncharitable reason to have reached out to her in the first place, I’d say.

aimai

You may have been in a “fundamentalist” group but all those “extra things” really had nothing to do with being a “fundamentalist” christian. I just wanted to point that out.

If you want to read about what fundamentalist christians believe, you can go to http://www.sharperiron.org and read dialogues between various stripes of fundamentalists.

Very few over there are of the quiverfull type…VERY, very few. I’d call the “quiverfull” movement a “homeschool” movement more than anything theological. Our group of “fundamentalists” has already come out openly against the vision forum types…several years ago (FBF).

I wanted to tell you briefly my first real encounter with these types, but they were not “vision forum” they were “gothardites” as I term them.

My dh and I were visiting a church in OK which supports us (we’re missionaries) and I had my youngest child in my arms (5th) and my oldest was 10. At the back of the church a stranger (woman) to me comes and while shaking my hand, asks me, “How old are you?”

I thought it was a strange question for a first question to a stranger and rather nosy, but I told her (35). Her answer startled me even more and that was, “Oh good, you’ve got at least 10 more years, you can have at 5 more kids.”

I ALMOST CHOKED right then and there. Why? First, of all, b/c is a very private matter (I believe) and between husband and wife and not between the church and strangers and us. Secondly, I was tired. I was tired of packing and unpacking for my small children, tired, in general, and I didn’t really appreciate being considered only a “baby maker.”

This was obviously the most important factor to this strange woman. I just couldn’t get it.

I felt like telling her, “Lady, we believe in B/C…if not, we’d probably have had 2 or 3 more kids in there besides the 5 we already have, and this is THE END”,(unless God over-road miraculously which we are aware He can do) but I decided that silence was the better course and just laughed!

Later when talking with the pastor’s wife of that church (who was not “for” that kind of thinking), I began to understand some of the “oddities” (as I consider them) of the movement.

What is sad to me is that when it goes sour, it really does bring a reproach to Christ. The problem is, that the “system” is not built on the whole Bible, but on pieces and then quite liberally added to until it doesn’t even resemble “normality.”

I’ll keep reading. As I see both of your situations, I’m most sad that your belief in God was so tied in with your faith in your husband. When he failed you, you were disillusioned from the whole system.

The system can be demolished, IMO, but many of the ideals are good. A nice family. Good kids. Warm, loving home atmosphere where kids feel safe. The problems happen when they teach that “this is the way” to have these ideals (and the ONLY way).

There are homes where everyone out there only THINKS that these ideals are taking place but in actuality, things are quite different (ie. Angel being pawed over by her blind step-dad…that’s not ‘being safe’.). There is a whole lot more “faking” going on when you have to live up to the expectations that this lifestyle affords.

It is not really surprising to me that you both have turned 180 degrees. It seems like people who come from such oppressive backgrounds often do a 180 and leave church altogether and say, “Been there, done that and it didn’t work for me”.

I hope at the end that you can both look back at the people who spent endless hours trying to help you. I think of you, Vyckie, and your early life with Scott…there were lots of people who spent countless hours helping you. How many people who are “out there” would bring you meals, try to teach you how to be a wife, come to your house for Bible studies (or any other thing) without pay, other than Christians? There was also the Sami who helped get you into the shelter. Probably many other people as well.

These people invested their lives in you. To turn around and say it was “all wasted” is wrong.

Through it you (and they) were learning something. I hope you can figure out what it is!

I appreciate the factual way you both are presenting your story. We are waiting to find out how you turned from happily newly married to oppressed homeschooling woman, Vyckie. That’s where part 14 leaves us!

Laura,
small world… I grew up on LI too.

aka Charis

Archived @
http://stream.wusb.stonybrook.edu:8090/content/1Mon-0600.pls
and:
http://stream.wusb.stonybrook.edu:8090/content/1Mon-0600.1.pls

This link will be good for a week. I guess you all have itunes or some such.

If the link doe not work go to the station web site, http://www.wusb.fm, click on the top left hand corner, “schedule” will come up, go to the Monday line up, put your cursor on the 6 to 7 am slot (Free Soft wear show alt with Medicine unplugged) and click on the speaker icon. This is also good for a week from today.

Thanks a lot, Laura and Vyckie you two were great, keep in touch.

Dr. Wilbur Larch