Comments on: Another baby for the Duggars … 1st grandchild is on the way http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/ There Is No 'You' In Quivering ... Thu, 17 May 2012 00:53:03 +0000 hourly 1 By: Vyckie http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/comment-page-4/#comment-2226 Vyckie Thu, 16 Apr 2009 11:57:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/#comment-2226 a.b.e. ~ please follow the link in the post above to continue this discussion on our new NLQ forums. Thanks! a.b.e. ~ please follow the link in the post above to continue this discussion on our new NLQ forums. Thanks!

]]> By: a.b.e. http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/comment-page-4/#comment-2225 a.b.e. Thu, 16 Apr 2009 11:38:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/#comment-2225 Kelly,<br /><br />This is for you. It's about the word submit not being in Eph. 5:22 in P46. There is other information on this issue also but this is the easiest for me to give you at this time. (I'm in the middle of the a project on Mexico I have to hand in on Saturday and don't have as much time as I would like to give you on this. But if I do have more time I will get you more resources.)<br /><br />http://powerscourt.blogspot.com/<br /><br />Here's a quote off this website:<br /><br />If "submit" is not in verse 22 then verse 22 must be closely linked to verse 21, which says "submit to one another." Kelly,

This is for you. It’s about the word submit not being in Eph. 5:22 in P46. There is other information on this issue also but this is the easiest for me to give you at this time. (I’m in the middle of the a project on Mexico I have to hand in on Saturday and don’t have as much time as I would like to give you on this. But if I do have more time I will get you more resources.)

http://powerscourt.blogspot.com/

Here’s a quote off this website:

If “submit” is not in verse 22 then verse 22 must be closely linked to verse 21, which says “submit to one another.”

]]> By: Vyckie http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/comment-page-4/#comment-2224 Vyckie Thu, 16 Apr 2009 04:15:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/#comment-2224 The discussion for this post has been moved over to our new NLQ forums: <a HREF="http://nolongerquivering.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=duggars" REL="nofollow">http://nolongerquivering.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=duggars</a>No further comments on this post will be accepted here ~ please go to the forums. Thank you ;-) The discussion for this post has been moved over to our new NLQ forums: http://nolongerquivering.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=duggarsNo further comments on this post will be accepted here ~ please go to the forums. Thank you ;-)

]]> By: Linnea http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/comment-page-4/#comment-2223 Linnea Thu, 16 Apr 2009 04:12:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/#comment-2223 Molly writes: <i>I am currently in a situation where I'm not sure what to do. My husband is swearing he has changed. I am looking at a dismal financial future if I leave him for good...five kids...eleven years of no job experience becuase I was a stay-home homeschool mom...or I can try again...even though my gut tells me that the things that are wrong with him are so deep that I'm not sure they are "fixable." </i>I don't know anything about you besides what I have read here, and a little bit of your blog . . . but I would go with what your gut says. In the meantime, I hope you are talking to lawyers and finding out about options. If there's any justice in our justice system, your husband will surely be required to pay child support. And you're obviously an intelligent woman (and a wonderful writer!) - I'm sure you'd be an asset to any employer. Molly writes: I am currently in a situation where I’m not sure what to do. My husband is swearing he has changed. I am looking at a dismal financial future if I leave him for good…five kids…eleven years of no job experience becuase I was a stay-home homeschool mom…or I can try again…even though my gut tells me that the things that are wrong with him are so deep that I’m not sure they are “fixable.” I don’t know anything about you besides what I have read here, and a little bit of your blog . . . but I would go with what your gut says. In the meantime, I hope you are talking to lawyers and finding out about options. If there’s any justice in our justice system, your husband will surely be required to pay child support. And you’re obviously an intelligent woman (and a wonderful writer!) – I’m sure you’d be an asset to any employer.

]]> By: Anonymous http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/comment-page-4/#comment-2222 Anonymous Thu, 16 Apr 2009 03:39:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/#comment-2222 "either you've never experienced such a situation in real life and therefore don't know what an immense pain that would be, or you're knee-deep in it without a way out, and have simply found a coping-mechanism that looks like a solution but isn't"--Jadehawk<br /><br />In other words, it doesn't matter what I say. People are just going to put words in my mouth, so to speak. <br /><br />Jesus Christ is not a "coping mechanism". He is the Lord...the one I gave my life to and the one whom I love more than anything.<br /><br />Honestly, this whole discussion has been quite an eye opener, to say the least. As a fundamentalist Christian, I'm always the one painted as being close-minded and judgmental. But that's exactly what I've seen in this discussion...peope not listening to a word I'm saying but projecting their own prejudices and bigotries onto me.<br /><br />My whole point in posting in the first place was to point out that women (and families) truly CAN be happy in the QF/P lifestyle. But all you supposedly open-minded folk can't seem to get that into your closed minds.<br /><br />I'm sorry if that seems harsh. I'm not really mad...just exasperated. I've never come up against people who are so unwilling to accept another point of view! And that's coming from a "fundie"!<br /><br />I truly wish you all the best, especially Laura and Vyckie. You both seem like very genuine and kind ladies, and I can't help but think we'd get along just fine "in real life" were we to meet. I hope you didn't feel I was belittling either of your experiences by sharing my own. As I said in my first post, we're all different. I am not going to begrudge you your right to live as you wish and to follow your own path.<br /><br />--Amy “either you’ve never experienced such a situation in real life and therefore don’t know what an immense pain that would be, or you’re knee-deep in it without a way out, and have simply found a coping-mechanism that looks like a solution but isn’t”–Jadehawk

In other words, it doesn’t matter what I say. People are just going to put words in my mouth, so to speak.

Jesus Christ is not a “coping mechanism”. He is the Lord…the one I gave my life to and the one whom I love more than anything.

Honestly, this whole discussion has been quite an eye opener, to say the least. As a fundamentalist Christian, I’m always the one painted as being close-minded and judgmental. But that’s exactly what I’ve seen in this discussion…peope not listening to a word I’m saying but projecting their own prejudices and bigotries onto me.

My whole point in posting in the first place was to point out that women (and families) truly CAN be happy in the QF/P lifestyle. But all you supposedly open-minded folk can’t seem to get that into your closed minds.

I’m sorry if that seems harsh. I’m not really mad…just exasperated. I’ve never come up against people who are so unwilling to accept another point of view! And that’s coming from a “fundie”!

I truly wish you all the best, especially Laura and Vyckie. You both seem like very genuine and kind ladies, and I can’t help but think we’d get along just fine “in real life” were we to meet. I hope you didn’t feel I was belittling either of your experiences by sharing my own. As I said in my first post, we’re all different. I am not going to begrudge you your right to live as you wish and to follow your own path.

–Amy

]]> By: Anonymous http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/comment-page-4/#comment-2221 Anonymous Thu, 16 Apr 2009 02:11:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/#comment-2221 Thanks, a.b.e., I will look forward to seeing your information.<br /><br />Kelly Thanks, a.b.e., I will look forward to seeing your information.

Kelly

]]> By: adventuresinmercy http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/comment-page-4/#comment-2220 adventuresinmercy Thu, 16 Apr 2009 01:16:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/#comment-2220 I said the same thing before I realized it was abuse. I believe the term is cognitive dissonance. It makes it very tricky. Some women in QF situations ARE truly very happy. Others are very "happy" because they have shut off their brains in the same way that cult members do. <br /><br />Amy, I am so glad you feel happy. I don't think anyone here is trying to take that away from you. The concerns here are more that what you are espousing is very damaging to women who are married to abusive men, and even more than that, to the children who grow up to perpetuate the cycle. Is God glorified when little boys grow up learning how to be a man by watching Daddy boss Mommy around, treating her with disrespect and disdain, and punishing her when she doesn't perform to his expectations? Is God glorified when little girls grow up watching Mommy say yes to Daddy all the time, learning that being a wife means having no rights except for those that your husband gives you, having no right to have any personal boundaries? <br /><br />How do these things glorify God?<br /><br />Those who advocate for marital hierarchy should do so WITH awareness that their message MUST include that submission to abuse is NOT what is being advocated, nor is husbandly leadership godly when it is hyper-controlling and disrespectful. <br /><br />Perhaps you do this and I've completely misunderstood. If so, I certainly do apologize. But if not, I caution you to be very careful when you promote marital hierarchy without certain caveats. <br /><br /> The Bible has a lot to say about those who abuse those in their care, and none of it is pretty. (Look up injustice if you question this and see how God feels about those who refuse to fight for justice for those under the authority of abusive people). <br /><br />The last thing the Church should be doing is propping up abusers, but yet often the conservative church is guilty of that very thing, by preaching marital hierarchy without adequate cautionary advise towards those who are abusive or being abused. <br /><br />Molly I said the same thing before I realized it was abuse. I believe the term is cognitive dissonance. It makes it very tricky. Some women in QF situations ARE truly very happy. Others are very “happy” because they have shut off their brains in the same way that cult members do.

Amy, I am so glad you feel happy. I don’t think anyone here is trying to take that away from you. The concerns here are more that what you are espousing is very damaging to women who are married to abusive men, and even more than that, to the children who grow up to perpetuate the cycle. Is God glorified when little boys grow up learning how to be a man by watching Daddy boss Mommy around, treating her with disrespect and disdain, and punishing her when she doesn’t perform to his expectations? Is God glorified when little girls grow up watching Mommy say yes to Daddy all the time, learning that being a wife means having no rights except for those that your husband gives you, having no right to have any personal boundaries?

How do these things glorify God?

Those who advocate for marital hierarchy should do so WITH awareness that their message MUST include that submission to abuse is NOT what is being advocated, nor is husbandly leadership godly when it is hyper-controlling and disrespectful.

Perhaps you do this and I’ve completely misunderstood. If so, I certainly do apologize. But if not, I caution you to be very careful when you promote marital hierarchy without certain caveats.

The Bible has a lot to say about those who abuse those in their care, and none of it is pretty. (Look up injustice if you question this and see how God feels about those who refuse to fight for justice for those under the authority of abusive people).

The last thing the Church should be doing is propping up abusers, but yet often the conservative church is guilty of that very thing, by preaching marital hierarchy without adequate cautionary advise towards those who are abusive or being abused.

Molly

]]> By: Jadehawk http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/comment-page-4/#comment-2219 Jadehawk Thu, 16 Apr 2009 00:25:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/#comment-2219 <i>If you took a scale with good and bad on opposite sides and EVERYTHING in my life was one the bad side, with Jesus Christ being the only thing on the other, the scale would still tip to GOOD.</i>either you've never experienced such a situation in real life and therefore don't know what an immense pain that would be, or you're knee-deep in it without a way out, and have simply found a coping-mechanism that looks like a solution but isn't.<br /><br /><b>I sincerely hope it's the former,</b> and that you will never end up experiencing that situation, because that is EXACTLY what the formerly submissive wives on here are trying to explain to you: when everything in your life is bad, blindly going with it because of Jesus might kill you. or your children. And you and your children deserve better than to suffer for no reason.<br /><br />On the other hand, you also need to accept that your chosen lifestyle isn't the only way to find happiness, regardless of whether your interpretation of the bible tells you otherwise If you took a scale with good and bad on opposite sides and EVERYTHING in my life was one the bad side, with Jesus Christ being the only thing on the other, the scale would still tip to GOOD.either you’ve never experienced such a situation in real life and therefore don’t know what an immense pain that would be, or you’re knee-deep in it without a way out, and have simply found a coping-mechanism that looks like a solution but isn’t.

I sincerely hope it’s the former, and that you will never end up experiencing that situation, because that is EXACTLY what the formerly submissive wives on here are trying to explain to you: when everything in your life is bad, blindly going with it because of Jesus might kill you. or your children. And you and your children deserve better than to suffer for no reason.

On the other hand, you also need to accept that your chosen lifestyle isn’t the only way to find happiness, regardless of whether your interpretation of the bible tells you otherwise

]]> By: a.b.e. http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/comment-page-4/#comment-2218 a.b.e. Wed, 15 Apr 2009 23:52:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/#comment-2218 Kelly,<br /><br />I'm going to find you the references where I first learned about this. Kelly,

I’m going to find you the references where I first learned about this.

]]> By: aimai http://nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/comment-page-4/#comment-2217 aimai Wed, 15 Apr 2009 23:44:00 +0000 http://www.nolongerquivering.com/2009/04/13/another-baby-for-the-duggars-1st-grandchild-is-on-the-way/#comment-2217 Amy, <br />that's great. Truly, wonderfully, great. Please just extend the exact same courtesy to all the other posters who have said they are happy in their lives.<br /><br />aimai Amy,
that’s great. Truly, wonderfully, great. Please just extend the exact same courtesy to all the other posters who have said they are happy in their lives.

aimai

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