Posts from — June 2009

by Vyckie

I was recently interviewed by a Minnesota news station in relation to the sad case of Carri Chmielewski ~ a “quiverfull” mother whose planned unassisted home birth of baby #9 ended tragically.

As one who has been in similar high-risk situations with three of my pregnancies ~ I wrote a piece expressing my initial reaction (sickened and mortified) to the news that Carri’s baby boy had died due to an amniotic fluid embolism (AFE) ~ a situation which might not have developed had she sought competent medical treatment earlier in her pregnancy when she first suspected she might be carrying twins.

During the interview, I was asked, “What would you want to say to Carri?” OMG ~ I had no idea what to say to Carri. Having gone through the faith-testing trial myself ~ the indescribable trauma ~ the near loss of life ~ and then to do it again ~ and again … at least my babies all survived … what is there to say to Carri?

“I’m so sorry for your loss” really doesn’t cut it ~ you know?

Initially, I declined to answer the question. But now that I’ve had more time to really think about it ~ I actually do want to speak to Carri. I’ll probably never meet this woman ~ who doesn’t know me from Adam, but with whom I feel a woeful sort of “shared experience” connection ~ so, I’m writing this letter to Carri from my heart ~ in no way do I want to add to the unbearable pain which Carri is already experiencing ~ I only hope that I might have something to say which could encourage and edify Carri ~ and possibly help with the healing process.

Dear Carri,

I am one of the many, many “internet addicts” who followed your “Carri-Me-Away” blog with fascination, admiration ~ and yes, a certain amount of dread and fear ~ as you journaled about your pregnancy (with twins!) ~ the ups and downs of waiting (not always quite patiently) in anticipation of the arrival of the new little ones ~ seeking the Lord’s will for a safe, happy delivery in your own home where you and your babies would be surrounded by loved ones ~ where you could feel comfortable, cared for, and supported.

The final weeks and days leading up to the due date (and beyond) are a crazy mixture of excitement and exhaustion ~ of hope and expectation ~ and of really.wanting.this.to.be.over.with! You expressed all these feelings so candidly and with such sweetness in each post ~ we couldn’t help but love you and wish you all the best ~ and hold our collective breath as we waited for news that “The babies are here!” [Read more →]

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by Vyckie

Through the Free Jinger forums, I was recently introduced to a blog by a quiverfull woman named Carrie who holds to a lot of the same lifestyle beliefs which our family subscribed to back in our “quivering days.” I was immediately interested because at the time that I first started reading her blog, Carrie was overdue with twins (she thought) ~ planning an unassisted home birth.

This so reminded me of my own experience ~ with Hazelle (whom I attempted to have at home after 3 c-sections), Andrew (who was born at home after 4 c-sections ~ with the assistance of a not-exactly competent midwife), and then again with my youngest Wesley. By the time I got pregnant with Wesley, I felt that my birthing choices were so limited ~ couldn’t go to the hospital because they’d changed their policy regarding VBACs ~ didn’t trust the midwife due to her incompetence and outright assault during my home birth ~ so, in desperation, I did a bunch of research on the internet and then planned for an unassisted home birth.

I was not at all confident that things would go well ~ in fact, I’d had a “premonition” early in the pregnancy that 1) the baby would be born by c-section (this despite the fact that I’d already had two VBACs ~ the second, Lydia Jean, being born at the hospital quickly and with no complications), 2) there would be something wrong with the baby, and 3) this would be my last pregnancy.

“That’s just Satan trying to scare me,” I told myself. “I’m not going to listen to his lies.”

Still, the feeling wouldn’t go away no matter how much I prayed, trusted and tried my best to overcome the fear and dread.

I did consider all my birthing options ~ and I really couldn’t come up with anything that I felt really comfortable with. Finally, I concluded that when labor began, I’d know what to do ~ in the meantime, I would just relax and plan to deliver my baby myself at home.

Late one evening, not long after my due date, I started feeling seriously awful. I felt like I was in transition ~ shaky and anxious ~ and although I hadn’t had any contractions, I could tell that I was in labor and I was dilating. “What to do?!”

After not-too-long of debating with myself, I decided to go to the hospital. I called my neighbor and asked her to drive me. When I arrived, the CNM checked my dilation ~ I was at 8 cm. Weird, since I hadn’t had a single contraction. Considering how quickly Lydia Jean had been born (5 cm to delivered in 29 minutes ~ yikes!) ~ we all expected that I’d be having a baby any minute.

But nothing happened. After a few hours, the doctor told me that something was not right and I needed to have a c-section. I cried and cussed ~ but I knew he was right. After the surgery, I learned that I had suffered a partial uterine rupture ~ the baby and I had both been in a life-threatening situation.

Thankfully, I was at the hospital ~ things could have turned out very differently for us if I’d have felt as “convicted” about unassisted birth as I had during my attempted home birth with Hazelle. My wavering about whether to have the baby at home or go to the hospital was mostly because I couldn’t shake off the thought that I’d received a “warning” early on. (BTW, Wesley was born with mild hypospadias ~ so the second part of that “premonition” also came true.)

Anyway ~ what brings all this back to my memory now ~ and has me so upset that I’m shaking ~ is that I just read that Carri’s attempted unassisted home birth has ended tragically ~ her baby, Benaiah is dead and she is in critical condition.

Absolute insanity. This is what it really comes down to ~ the quiverfull mindset leads women to risk their lives for an impossible ideal. Every time that I cheated death in my own life-threatening pregnancies and deliveries, I felt like God was protecting me ~ He was blessing my obedience to Him. I was starting to feel invincible so long as I was in the will of God. This news about Carri and her baby boy is a startling reminder of how utterly foolish ~ how warped and misguided my thinking had become.

I feel sick. I don’t know what more to say.

Discuss this post on the NLQ forums! [Read more →]

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Me ~ Feb. 2007. Too exhausted to get out of bed ~ still, the work had to be done …

There’s quite a discussion about feminism going on over on the NLQ forums ~ and it’s got me thinking about another no-win situation for Quiverfull moms.

As a faithful Proverbs 31 woman of God, I was very concerned about my reputation ~ not for the sake of what people thought about *me,* of course ~ because, you know ~ I was very careful not to seek the “approval of men rather than God.” No ~ my reputation was important only because I cared about my witness ~ I did not want the Word of God “blasphemed” on account of my unsubmissive attitude towards my husband, which would be, of course ~ evidence of a rebellious spirit towards the Lord.

As much as I feared being known as a haughty, manipulative, domineering, deceived and deceiving JEZEBEL ~ I was absolutely mortified at the very notion that I might be perceived as an angry, independent, man-hating, self-promoting FEMINIST. [Read more →]

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by Vyckie

Q: What is “Quiverfull?”

“Quiverfull” is a convenient, though I believe, somewhat unfortunate term which we’re using at No Longer Quivering to describe a family lifestyle which is growing in popularity among evangelical Christians ~ particularly those who home educate their children.

Quiverfull ~ is the idea that truly godly families will “trust the Lord” with their family planning. Children are viewed as unmitigated blessings (“As arrows in the hand of the mighty man, so are the children of ones youth, happy is the man who hath his quiver full of them”) and as such, the couple is willing to have as many children as the Lord chooses to bless them with. Artificial or chemical birth control such as the Pill or IUDs are equated with abortion ~ the sin of murdering your own offspring. “Natural” birth control such as Natural Family Planning is not actually “natural” because a couple must abstain at the very time of the month when the woman is naturally more desirous of physical intimacy. All methods of “conception control” is considered a lack of trust in God to provide for the “children of the righteous.”

Here’s how I described “Quiverfull” back when I still believed it:

Radically Pro-Life – A.K.A. “Quiverfull,” “allowing the Lord to plan our family,” or “trusting God with our family planning.” It is this ideal which has resulted in our having quite a few more than the average number of children. Why do Christians seek to limit the size of their families through the use of chemical birth control? The truth be told, our reasoning generally parallels that of the abortion culture – additional children will cause inconvenience, financial hardships, lifestyle constraints – all this coupled with the desire to separate sex from procreation. How can the Church expect to speak with any moral authority on the evils of abortion when we ourselves are guilty of the very anti-life values fueled by the family planning mentality? [Read more →]

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