i try to go to church after mostly being absent for almost 20 years, but i still get a headache and stomach ache every time. those old abuse tapes are difficult to get over, even with counseling and education. be patient with yourself – you will find what works for you. i can finally talk to parts of my family about prayer and Jesus. for so many years, i just couldn’t.

but i still feel i know a very different Jesus than they do – the one who was with me since childhood and told me to get out of that crazy religious environment. my gut told me it was no good. i suffered in my body for years and years. but am finally putting things together after all this time. your story is very special, and healing, and thank you for writing it!

glad to hear happy is there! [and chortling over the delicious irony - i can't even feel bad for Dale]

you said you “hunger” for spirtuality…
might i suggest you make your own? so, we’re pagan [almost my entire family - the only exceptions are my mom, who converted to Christianity when i was 10, and my sister who decided to be Catholic with her husband]. raised pagan, i wasn’t expecting anything useful from “craft books” – but i was WRONGWRONGWRONG.
not that i am saying become wiccan, or any flavor of pagan – but the ideas [and ideals] in the Big Blue Book are pretty universal. also full of DIY stuffs [most of it is probably waaaaaaay too easy for you, but still] and it has a fairly decent biblio. but, really, the best aspect of the the BBB is that it shows you how to pick-and-choose what you want/need.
my other sister’s husband calls himself a “Christian Druid” [he was raised fairly fundy, though NOT as bad as anything you went thru. probably partially because he was male, but still] and he credits the BBB with showing him how to “fuse” his beliefs.

or, i am positive there is something for you – if this book doesn’t help, i bet i can find you something [know anything about Zorastrianism? Tiamet aside, it's *really* nice, respectful of women, hard to warp into patrirarchy - not impossible, nothing is, but hard]
the book @ Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Bucklands-Complete-Witchcraft-Llewellyns-Practical/dp/0875420508/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1268111065&sr=1-1

if you want to talk, my email is denelian at yahoo – or my LJ is denelian [so is my facebook, but i rarely use it.]

also: you are in the Northwest – EVERYTHING is in the northwest! you don’t really need a random pagan in Ohio, when you have everyone in your area! if you want spirituality without the BS but still in a known flavor, i *HIGHLY* recommend a Unitarian church [in fact, the only reason i'm not attending right now is because my disability prohibits]. nice people, easy to talk too, *VERY* understanding.

“God is Everywhere. Religion is like a pair of glasses we put on to see God”

As a mom, one thing that jumps out at me about your life story is how unusual it seems given your background. You had two moms, a more-or-less liberal nonreligious upbringing, and STILL fell for the workings of the QF mindset.

Do you still have contact with both your moms? Are they still together?

But my big question is this: given your life experience, what would recommend as good tips for “cult-proofing” your children, particularly your girls. It seems like being “a headstrong and stubborn teenager” was, in your case, not enough. Please help me with this! What are you doing with your own children to make sure they do not follow the same path?