Mayhem On The Homefront ~ Ugh

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Happy Birthday, Lydia Jean !♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥ ¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

I feel horrible.

After my last post in which I shared about this pencil shaving smell that I have stuck in my nose ~ I read all the feedback on the forum ~ everyone’s saying, “Go to a doctor!” 

Which scared me ~ so yesterday afternoon, I went to see Janet, the physician’s assistant I’ve been seeing instead of the doctor ~ because, unlike the doctor, Janet actually TALKS to me ~ and I really appreciate that.  I told her about the smell and the taste ~ and the feeling in my hands like I’ve been playing in pencil shavings.  I told her that I was assuming the sensory hallucinations are just a regular part of going crazy ~ but after getting so many comments urging me to see a doctor, I thought it couldn’t hurt to get some testing done to make sure there’s not something physical going on. 

Janet told me she was puzzled and couldn’t imagine what would be causing me to have these smells stuck in my nose ~ especially since it is not always pencil shavings ~ it’s been cinnamon, bleach, etc.  I did mention the pituitary gland as mommybunny1 (an NLQ forum member who is also a doctor) suggested ~ but I guess I wasn’t direct enough, because Janet didn’t order any tests.  She did, however, get me an appt. with a neurologist ~ I’m supposed to see him on Monday.  She also switched me from Lorazepam to Clonazepam ~ which is a related anti-anxiety drug that’s supposedly not so addictive.

Afterwards, I went to HyVee to pick up cupcakes for Lydia’s birthday.  Sadly ~ the only cupcakes they had were plain white with a few colored sprinkles ~ they were rather boring ~ and the gal working in the bakery seemed reluctant to decorate cupcakes (usually, they have extra cupcakes in the freezer which they can decorate in just a few minutes) ~ so I told her that I’d check at Walmart. Picky, I know ~ but I also knew that I’d feel like a better mother if I drove all the way across town in order to obtain fancy purple cupcakes for Lydia to share with her classmates.  I went to Walmart ~ and they did have plenty of colorful, purple cupcakes ~ so hooray. 

The family therapy session yesterday evening went really well. Deb came over to our house and after gving her a tour of everybody’s bedrooms (Lydia’s is a big mess!), we all gathered in the livingroom to discuss chores and schedules.  Berea joined us since she’ll be done with college for the semester next week and is planning to move back home for the summer.

Deb explained a little about the anxiety I’ve been experiencing ~ and asked the kids to think of ways they could help out.  Wesley was the first to raise his hand a make a suggestion:

“We should hug Mom all the time.”

Aw ~ sweet! I like that rule.

Anyway ~ as I said the session went well ~ and the overall conclusion is that the kids need to come straight home after school and not bring their friends over.  They have to do their homework and chores FIRST ~ and then they can go outside and play.  Sounds like a good plan which will hopefully avoid the bedtime panic when I usually realize that I’ve been spaced out all evening and haven’t paid any attention to the kids ~ and so instead of going to bed, they all need to finish their homework or the kitchen’s a mess ~ sometimes we haven’t even had dinner yet. 

As Deb was writing down the rules for us, I told her to be sure to add: If Mom’s brain shuts off ~ follow these rules anyway!

So ~ the kids were all very cooperative (I have awesome kids) ~ and I was encouraged. 

This morning I started out with great plans to get all my errands done.  Today was Lydia Jean’s 10th birthday ~ so I drove her to school because she didn’t want to carry her purple cupcakes to school and risk dropping them on the way.

Mimi called and offered to come over a couple times a week to help after school.  I invited her to have lunch with me so we could talk about all the stuff I’m juggling and see what of it she could help with. (Thanks, Mom!)

So ~ I was running my errands ~ went to the store, the bank, the pharmacy ~ but by the time I made it to Taco Bell for lunch with Mimi ~ my heart was pounding and I was feeling idisoriented and dizzy.  I had the hardest time focusing to talk to her ~ and before I could finish eating, I was feeling super nervous and like I had to get out of there.  Mimi offered to meet me at the house to help Hazelle (who got out of school early) with laundry and planting seeds in the garden ~ and also to be here after school when the kids got home. 

I was supposed to pick up Chassé and go to my counseling appt. with Deb and then we were going to get pizza and cake for Lydia’s b-day party tomorrow ~ but by the time I drove home, I was in such a state that I could not think and I was pretty sure I was going to break down crying ~ so I went back and forth between wanting to go my appt. and talk to Deb and needing to go to bed.  Since I couldn’t decide, I asked Chassé to tell me what to do ~ she gave me an anti-anxiety pill and sent me to bed.  As soon as she shut my bedroom door, I broke into uncontrollable sobbing and couldn’t think to do any deep breathing or relaxation ~ just cried myself to sleep ~ that was around one o’clock this afternoon.

I didn’t wake up until a little before 6 p.m. ~ so I slept through Mimi coming over and the kids getting home and following our new schedule ~ I guess they got along okay while I was zonked out. 

Ugh ~ this is no way to live.

Chassé is being mini-mom ~ which I appreciate ~ but at the same time, I hate it because she had to skip Women’s Ministries (where she gets to be with her church friends) in order to take care of her siblings for me. My poor kids!

Even though I have a bunch of stuff I want to work on for the Take Heart Project ~ plus I have several really good articles that have been submitted for NLQ that I want to get posted ~ I think I will do nothing tomorrow except try to rest. If you’ve sent me a PM or email ~ please know that I have read it and will get back to you ~ hopefully soon.

After school, we’re having a birthday party for Lydia ~ I told her she can have all the friends she wants over for pizza and cake ~ but only one friend can spend the night because I have learned from experience that two 4th grade girls at a sleepover is plenty of drama and three or more would definitely be enough to send me to the insane assylum.  Hazelle and her friend, Jenny are taking charge of the party ~ they’ll organize some games and serve the cake so I don’t have to be the entertainment committee for all of Lydia’s friends.  Sounds like a wild time, huh?

Hopefully, if I can sleep most of the day while the kids are in school, I’ll be okay for the party ~ LOL

So ~ it’s bedtime and the kids are all talking at once ~ Chassé tells me that Grandma may need anti-anxiety pills after witnessing the after-school mayhem. Lydia is freaking out because I didn’t pick up the pizza and cake today ~ I told her that John will take Chassé to get it tomorrow ~ so now she’s worried that Chassé will embarrass her in front of all her friends by picking out a little kid cake with Elmo or Dora “or something with a big ‘wiener’ on it that says, ‘Happy 1st Birthday. Loser!’”) ~ and despite my reassurances that the cake will be just fine ~ she’s ready to cancel the party.  Andrew is in love with the same girl that his two best friends both like ~ and he wanted to tell me that Adam is planning to ask Lydia out just to make Maddy jealous ~ but it won’t matter because Andy is already dating Maddy ~ and since Andrew is still talking to Andy even though he betrayed his friends by dating the girl they all like ~ now Adam is refusing to be friends with Andrew … what should he do?

Huh? I can hardly hear what they’re saying because all I can think about is the pencil shaving smell in my nose.

So Wesley, sensing my anxiety, I think ~ gives me a big hug. “This is my favorite chore!” he tells me.

Mine too!  ♥ ♥

Now let’s all get to bed ~ okay?  There’ll be plenty of time to continue all this drama tomorrow.

But ~ my day is not over because Berea is in the chat room and wants to discuss the big problem she’s having with Angel ~ and that’s too personal for me to blog about ~ but truthfully, that situation makes everything else that I’ve written here seem like small potatoes.

Why do these kids not come with a pause button?

I.just.don’t.feel.like.dealing.with.it.right.now.

Sorry. I have to go back to bed. Night, night.

Discuss

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