“MOM! Help!!!”
“I hate being sick!”
“I don’t wanna barf anymore!”
“I can’t take it anymore ~ my stomach’s hurting so bad!”
“I think I’m gonna die!!”
“MOM!!!!”
Lydia Jean and Wesley took turns throwing up all night ~ so between the two of them, none of us got much sleep. Poor kids ~ they’re so pathetic when they don’t feel good! :(
It’s not the best start for Mother’s Day ~ but it has the advantage of being a good excuse to skip church ~ I was pretty sure that I would not be able to make it through a Mother’s Day service in my present state of anxiety anyway.
At least the pencil shaving smell that’s been stuck in my nose is going away ~ I’m only catching a whiff of it now and then. Instead, I have a new smell developing which I haven’t been able to identify yet ~ something sweet ~ which is a welcome relief from the dry, pungent smell of lead and wood that’s been making crazy for the past couple of weeks.
I’m not feeling quite so anxious either ~ still tired and jittery ~ but not uncontrollably weepy and that feels like progress so I haven’t taken an anti-anxiety pill for the past two days. Hooray.
Lydia Jean’s 10th birthday party on Friday was pure pandemonium ~ of the wild and fun variety. We had at least a dozen 9 & 10 year olds here for pizza and cake ~ thankfully, that part of the celebration only lasted about an hour and a half ~ the girls ran around and laughed and danced and shrieked at the top of their lungs ~ I’m sure every one of them must have went home with a headache ~ LOL!
Not surprisingly, when it was all over and things settled down from complete chaos to the usual commotion of evening activities, I started to feel panicky ~ but rather than give in to it, I distracted myself by cleaning up the party mess ~ washing the dishes calmed me down ~ don’t know what it is about dish washing, but it actually is a relaxing activity ~ and having the kitchen clean also helps tremendously in keeping the anxiety in check. When the house does not look like a tornado just went through (or in this case ~ all the girls in Lydia’s 4th grade class), I feel much happier and more relaxed.
Chassé was the first to get sick ~ she spent just about all of Friday and most of yesterday in bed. Since I didn’t have her to help me out, I cancelled plans for Grandma & Grandpa to come over to celebrate Lydia’s birthday ~ in fact, I cancelled everything so I could stay home all day and do nothing.
[It could have been a relaxing day ~ but if ever I felt like the Universe has conspired to make certain this latest episode of physical breakdown ends with me being carried away in a straight jacket as someone (who? Grandma maybe?) explains to the kids that they'll be able to see Mommy again during visiting hours on the psych ward ... but, I cannot tell you any details about that ...]
In an effort to escape all the drama, Chassé rented some videos and watched movies with Wesley and Lydia (Hazelle and Andrew watched TV in their own bedrooms) while John read to me from a hillarious book which had us both cracking up ~ laughing therapy also helps to keep the panic at bay. We were enjoying the book so much ~ we pressed our luck with “one more chapter” ~ but just as the funny “god junior” character in the story was in the act of performing a miracle ~ Wesley barfed all over my bedroom carpet. Ugh.
After cleaning up the mess and settling Wesley down for a long, restless night ~ I sent a text message to Heather, my pastor/friend who just returned from Chicago:
Oh my god. I really need relief … I am cracking up and [the Universe] is determined to make sure my demise is absolute!
Heather came immediately to my rescue even though it was almost 10 p.m.
I wasn’t exactly panicking ~ though I did feel queasy and I had to fight the urge to wash my hands till they bled to get rid of the grimy feel of pencil shavings which I know is really all in my head ~ I didn’t break out crying when she looked at me ~ so, really ~ I wasn’t in the worst condition ~ but I did feel pretty miserable and I really appreciated Heather’s willingness to leave her family to come talk to me.
We talked for about an hour ~ and truthfully, nothing she said made me feel any better ~ but just the fact of knowing my friend is here for me and that she cares was a huge help. As she was leaving, I told her that I probably would not be in church this morning because I didn’t want to risk feeling overwhelmingly depressed and anxious and freak out in front of my kids in the middle of the service and have to leave.
“I don’t want to traumatize my kids on Mother’s Day,” I said ~ trying not to get all teary at the thought of it.
Heather didn’t pressure me ~ just offered to stop by after church to help me write out a list of symptoms and questions for the neurologist ~ she’ll be going with me to my appointment tomorrow morning. Thanks, Heather!
Well ~ it’s taken me all morning to write this ~ in between sentences (sometimes even mid-sentence and mid-thought ~ so if it seems disjointed, that’s as good an explanation as any), I’ve been jumping up to comfort barfing children, feed the ones who are feeling better, running bath water, etc. We have a massive amount of laundry piling up ~ laundry is Hazelle’s job (her way to pay for her cell phone) ~ but since there’s so much and tomorrow’s a school day, I’d better help her with it.
Hopefully, I can take a nap before Heather gets here ~ I’m super tired and since two of the five kids haven’t thrown up yet ~ and because not getting enough rest to really recuperate and de-stress is part of the evil plot to drive me over the edge ~ with the Universe aligned against me as it so obviously is, Hazelle and Andrew will doubtless be recruited into the conspiracy just about the time I drop off to sleep tonight …
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Michelle says, Never enough babies!
