The Quiverful movement has bothered me for years because it always seemed based on assumptions and fear more than knowledge and love. I also noted that some of the strongest voices were people who seemed guilty, trying to somehow lesson a difficult past by how they run their family. And I’ve never liked the focus on a system — if you do things this way you’ll be happy and whole and X and Y.

I can’t count the times that I’ve read and heard Quiverful people say — “I am raising my children this way because I don’t want them to be like I was when I was a teen/young adult.” Is that really healthy? I don’t think so. Those of us who are raising our children in any religious/non-religious home should be making our choices on the basis of what is right in a particular situation, not because we are caught in making up for the past. Hopefully my past makes me a wiser parent, but I shouldn’t feel like I have a debt to pay with my children because of that.

And I just don’t get running your life as a system. I don’t think the Bible teaches that, and certainly anyone who is honest about life knows that sometimes babies have to be fed more than every three hours, that sometimes teens get rebelious in even the most loving of homes, and that sometimes wives and husbands are just plain cranky and awful to be around. A system may help sometimes, but sometimes you just have to make it up as you go. There are some lovely children that come from single parent homes, families where the Mom needs to work, families where the Dad is “not” the patriarch because of absences, health, or whatever. Really!

Ephesians 4:13-14 does say that until we all attain to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ, we are still able to be “blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunningness and craftiness of men.” God never promised that we would never be led astray in this world, but only, one day, to bring us home safe.

I feel a kindred spirit with you and identify with your journey in so many ways. Like you, I embraced QF. The mother of 8 arrows (plus 3 in heaven), I twisted myself into a pretzel attempting to submit to my husband in everything. The whole thing was a yoke too heavy to bear so I too dumped what I consider the deadly aspects of my theology (in my case, retaining the faith and the husband- who changed in important ways which made our marriage tolerable for me),

Based on some rhetoric elsewhere, I really expected the SteadfastDaughters site to be finger wagging judgmental and legalistic, but it’s not and when they speak of their difficult childhoods, recovery from bitterness, difficult marriage etc., I find myself a kindred spirit with Stacy, James, and Abigail. To hear your understanding of their motives is VERY encouraging!

May a respectful dialogue continue.

Vyckie, the “Quiverfull Dream World” is thick and powerful and compelling and ever-deepening and once you’re sucked in, it’s SO HARD to pull your mind back and think rationally again!

And CONSEQUENTLY,

When you wonder, ” why didn’t He honor my devotion by steering me clear of the craziness? ”

the first thing that pops in MY mind is,

Because YOU had to go all the way INTO the craziness in order to break OUT of the craziness–and I’m not done yet–because someone like YOU (do you have ANY IDEA how well-written and well-spoken you are????????) was needed to help break OTHERS out of the craziness!

I’ve said it elsewhere–if YOU hadn’t gone ALL THE F’-in’ WAY into the craziness, I personally would never have listened to you, and I might still be in the craziness myself. With my family. I keep picturing Moses when I think of you. You were like the prince of Egypt, sorta. I mean, you were like a Queen of the Crazy Quiverfull Dream. When the Queen goes all the way in, rises all the way to the top, and then GETS THE HELL OUTTA THERE…that makes you a Moses figure, methinks. Am I making any sense at all? I don’t know.

If God led you that far, so that you could ultimately break your family free and BREAK LOTS OF OTHER FAMILIES FREE (or even a few families)–then I kinda thank God for that. I really do. At the same time, I hurt for you.

Vyckie, you are appreciated.

I think this is one of the hardest parts of life for me – you’re born, you’re a kid, you grow up and start living your life the very best way you can and with all sincerity choose a path and way of being in the world, whatever it is. Then you have kids and suddenly it’s not just your life any more. Where does your life and desire for your own path end and your kids’ begin? How do you choose the hard way without dragging your kids along with you through the hard way too, without their advice or consent? It was at that juncture when I realized it wasn’t just my life any more, that it was theirs and that I was in danger of really messing theirs up that clarity came for me. But before that, I was totally that Jonestown mom, kool-aid and all. I loved my kids with all my heart and wanted what was best for them, but the enormity of it, of the responsibility, really punctured the cultic haze I was in. It wasn’t just my life any more, there were these children… When I saw that movie Mosquito Coast my heart fell to the floor – it hit way too close to home for me, and the destructive single-mindedness in that movie wasn’t even a religious one.

As for God, I still believe and love Him. I think He gives us so much free will that we do get ourselves into things sometimes but He also gives us the grace to get out of them too. I think He got you out, as He did the rest of us. And that He honors the sincerity even if we do get off track, whatever that track happens to be. I certainly am not the judge of what anyone else’s track should be. I do think though that regardless of your belief or lack of belief, you have a great ministry here. It probably doesn’t fit the idea of ‘ministry’ that fundamentalism (or most religious types) would have for it, but it is for all practical purposes just that. You don’t have to be a believer of anything religious to have a calling.

Really looking forward to this series.