What It’s All About

It’s About the DAUGHTERS

June 17, 2011

[Note: This piece is being crossposted at No Longer Quivering as a way to introduce NLQ readers to guest writer, Libby Anne's new blog: Love, Joy, Feminism. Read Libby Anne's "The Beautiful Girlhood Doll" series here.]

by Liberty

When it comes to the multitude of problems with Christian Patriarchy, it is the position of the daughters that I am most passionate about. The patriarch has it pretty good – he’s the one who gets to call the shots. The sons usually don’t have it so bad either – they’re patriarchs in training. The mothers may spend their lives having baby after baby and they may believe that they’re to submit to the patriarch in everything, but they generally chose this life at some point, and knew what life was like before on the outside. Then there is the daughter. Unlike her mother, the daughter of Patriarchy has no choice.

She is told that all she is ever to be is a wife and mother. She may someday run a home business, selling herbs or dresses she’s made, but she may never work outside the home or – god forbid! – have a career.

She is told that an education is a dangerous thing. Education in the Bible and in homemaking skills are a good thing, but worldly knowledge is dangerous. The daughter of patriarchy learns early that she must guard her mind from evil thoughts and any question or doubt.

She learns early the importance of submission. She must submit to her parents, and, even when she is grown, to her father. She is taught that women must always be under male authority, and that an independent woman is a dangerous thing.

She spends her days helping her mother, cooking and cleaning and changing diapers. This is her destiny, and it is what she is put on earth for. She has little time with friends, as her mother is busy with baby after baby and she must be counted on to keep the house running.

She learns that the world outside of her patriarchal bubble is an evil and dangerous place. Feminists are selfish and ungodly, girls who wear tank tops and short skirts are sluts and whores, and the world is descending into chaos and damnation.

In sum, she is taught to believe what her father does, do as her father says, and stay in line. Any sign of independent thought is immediately squelched. She is taught a skewed view of the world, brainwashed into believing that those who might be her greatest allies are her enemies, and that to be different is to be evil. She knows nothing of the outside world save fear. Her education is often deficient, and even if she is educated well, she is taught to shoot low and her potential to dream big dreams is stifled, thus sabotaging her potential to even consider a worthwhile or fulfilling career. Thoughts normal girls have never enter her mind.

It’s Not About the Clothes!

March 10, 2011
[Note: For NLQ readers who have not yet joined the forum, here's a small taste of what you're missing ~ :) ]
by Whisperthroughtherain

When I was little, before we moved to the Bible belt, getting dressed was simple. I liked wild colors and animal prints. I felt so pretty when I got my ears pierced. In the summer when it was hot, nobody thought twice about running around in a bikini… Most of us did. Even chubby grandmas! We had pool parties and ordered pizza and my cousin taught me to swim. I thought he was great. Sometimes little boys tried to kiss me, but I just ran away.

When I was a little older, we got involved with a southern, backwoods Baptist church. In Sunday school they taught us Bible stories, and then they taught us to kneel down and make sure our skirt was long enough to reach the floor. We had to get some skirts to wear to church out of respect, cause it was really important to be different than boys. It was really hard to go to the bathroom at church because the ladies room was full of girls fixing their hairdos and putting on perfume and posing in front of the long mirror… I didn’t do that much though, because I didn’t feel pretty at church. I liked to wear jeans at home. And wild t shirts. And camoflage. My best friend was a boy and he would come over and climb trees and ride bikes with me, but we didn’t hang out together at church much. Because boys and girls were different.

After we left that church, I got angry. I didn’t like being told what to do. I didn’t like having to wear whatever other people decided was appropriate. I didn’t like that it mattered. I knew who I wanted to be, and she didn’t look like they wanted her to… so when we visited friends from that church, I had to dress up and play the part for them. Once we met them in the grocery store while I was wearing jeans, and i stood behind the cart, because I felt guilty… but I didn’t know why. I was angry inside. Very angry. I took it out on my parents, and my brothers and sisters. I wasn’t nice.

Then I had an experience… in the middle of the night one night, I realized that God wasn’t an angry old man up in the sky, waiting for me to screw up so he could send me to hell… he loved me. He wanted to be real to me. And I loved him back. All of a sudden my anger was gone… little things didn’t matter to me anymore! God was so much bigger!

We found a new church to go to… and I was so excited! Other people who loved God! I was so open, so happy to be taught about him! I trusted these new people immediately- I loved them too! They were looking out for me!

Yes… I had to take out my earrings to go to church, because these people didn’t wear earrings. Ever. They thought earrings were bad… but it wouldn’t hurt to take them out, out of respect, right? People were happy when I took them out. They all dressed alike… I came to find out that apparently dressing funny was a big deal to God. His people were supposed to stand out in a crowd and be a witness for him. They preached about it, and I thought, well, if God said to do it, I don’t care! I’ll do it! It didn’t seem fair that it was mostly the girls that had to stand out though. They said that if we didn’t wear a head covering we were rebellious against God in our hearts. Even if we didn’t feel rebellious, we definitely were down deep! Wow, I didn’t want to be rebellious! And I liked my Dad, I really respected him, he was awesome! So I’d hate to be rebellious against him too… So yeah, I guess I’ll wear a head covering. I looked in the mirror and shuddered… but then I remembered that all this outward stuff was NOT a big deal in the grand scheme of things!

… Then I started hearing about how, if I wasn’t super careful about the details of how I dressed, other people might look at me and think bad thoughts and it would be all my fault… That seemed a bit off. I kept changing and changing, trying to get this clothes thing right, and at the end I wasn’t only living on the edge of sin… I was in constant danger of being responsible for other people’s sin! And it had been a really long time since I felt pretty…

It’s About MONEY

September 15, 2009

Print FriendlyWith Promises of Protection, Security and Ultimate Victory, Peddlers of “Family Values” Manufactured a Culture War, and Capitalized on Our Fears Please note: This post has been modified to clarify the point I want to make which is this: I have no problem with making a buck ~ earning an honest living. In fact, that’s exactly what I’ve got in mind in running the NLQ website, writing a book, etc. ~ I do not apologize for these efforts to support myself and my children. What makes me sick is that the “need” which the Full post …

We didn’t want to be BALANCED

April 13, 2009

Print Friendlyby Vyckie Me & my boys ~ at a homeschooling conference ~ soaking up new ideas about how to live a godly lifestyle that would be pleasing to the Lord. Many NLQ readers have expressed their observation that in any healthy belief system or chosen lifestyle, there needs to be “balance” ~ a quick glance through the comment section will yield plenty of observations that we’ve gone from “one extreme to the other.” Part of the reason I’m writing this blog is to hopefully help those who have never personally been steeped in the Full post …

It’s about CONVICTION

April 9, 2009

Print Friendly by Vyckie Laura’s got my Happiness! Yesterday I took my 13-year-old daughter, Hazelle (whom I’ve nicknamed Happy Hazelle or Happiness) to the airport ~ she’s spending Spring Break in Seattle with Laura. Fun Okay ~ I’m commenting on my own post about STRONG WOMEN because I’ve thought of something else that I wanted to say on this topic. The strength that I had which kept me going was my conviction. I did it because I was so thoroughly convinced that this is what the bible taught and what pleased the Lord. I’d have done Full post …

It’s about a VISION

April 8, 2009

Print Friendly Vyckie’s family 2007 An important consideration that’s obviously on everyone’s mind here can be summed up this way: All those years that I published a “pro-life, pro-family” newspaper and I was writing articles for home school magazines encouraging others to live a QF/patriarchal lifestyle ~ we seemed to have a really nice, happy family. The Bennett Family was a role model for other Christian families ~ we were even honored by the governor of Nebraska in 2003 as “Family of the Year.” I’ve shared many testimonies of God obviously working in our lives. Full post …

We mustn’t get ANGRY

April 5, 2009

Print Friendlyby Vyckie “Just SMILE, okay?” This photo was taken on my 18th anniversary before church. Warren was in a terrible mood that morning ~ and all I wanted was to get family pictures taken which made us all look like such a happy family. It’s like the more unhappy we were, the more determined I was to put on a good face and show the world how exceedingly happy we were. Ack. Okay ~ I’m trying to work on writing the next installment of my story ~ but now I’m distracted with another topic Full post …

It’s about SUPERSTITION

April 1, 2009

Print Friendlyby Vyckie   At the CYIA Spring Retreat ~ all weekend long, I fought the fear that I had just invited disaster upon myself and my children… Laura’s story, Three Lilacs and a Statue made me think about another topic which Laura and I have discussed on several occasions ~ so I talked to her about it again and we decided we would write this post together since “superstition” was such a HUGE part of both of our experiences. I’ll go first… Vyckie: Part of my “submissive wife” mindset included the belief that unless Full post …