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Major trigger warning for all former QF moms who read here at NLQ –

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wl9y3SIPt7o

by Vyckie

Okay – I told myself not to watch that Judge Adams video, cuz I knew it would be triggering – but I followed the link posted by an NLQ forum member to Pandagon, read the article – and then played the video. God help me.

All I could think was – what ever must Hillary’s mom have been thinking? And the horrible thing about it is that I could guess what must’ve been going through her mind when she actively participated in the beating of her daughter.

I can remember many occasions in which my ex-husbands’s abuse of the children was so intolerable – I would actually jump in and take over because I knew that at least I’d be easier on the kids and their dad would be satisfied that he was right and the kid was wrong and I was acknowledging his rightness and fulfilling my Christian duty by upholding his authority – and so he would finally calm down.

::hangs head::

Did anyone else notice that the mother only gave Hillary one swat with the belt – and then thanked her for finally cooperating – and seemed relieved as she left the room?

That’s how it worked in our family too – especially with my oldest – I “disciplined” her in order to spare her from her dad’s anger.

Eventually, I guess I figured out that this tactic worked so well – so then when I could see trouble brewing – saw my kids defying their father, or even simply standing their ground when he insisted it was one way even though they could plainly see it was another way – so in an effort to head off the escalation of my Ex’s anger, I’d jump in there first and yell at the offending child and give them a “good talking to” – in the hopes that the child would respond “reasonably” to my more mild chastisement and their dad would be satisfied – abusive spanking session averted.

So my younger kids did not get nearly the number of whippings because I’d learned to abuse them first (to a lesser degree) in order to spare them from their father’s spanking sessions which were extremely similar to Judge Adam’s – only often, far worse.

And now, I’m sick.

Discuss this post on the NLQ forum.  Comments are also open below.

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Just a couple of comments and then you all can have at this on the forum

Why is it that QF moms who are having babies every other year are expected to maintain their figures too?  This makes me think of Wendy Jeub on the “Born to Breed” episode ~ she’s had 15 children, and yet she talks about how she felt so ashamed that she’d gained all that extra weight.  So on top of everything else she’s doing, Wendy goes on a diet, finds time to exercise ~ and writes a book (Love in the Kitchen) so that fellow Moms of Many can feel guilty about their out-of-shape bodies too. 

Part of the reason that Elsie’s perfect children were so irritating to me is that my “lambs” squabbled constantly (still do, though it’s better now that they don’t have to be around one another 24/7).  Elsie’s children always spoke kindly and never raised their voices with each other.

I was also aware that Elsie had many servants (slaves actually) to do much of the child-rearing and household duties for her.  I’m pretty sure it was after reading the Elsie books that I began repeating my not-really-kidding refrain:  I NEED STAFF!!  LOL

Elsie’s father ~ and her husband (her father’s good friend) ~ two more perfect men for Angel to compare with her own father.  Poor Warren ~ he was doomed too.

While it’s apparent that, on some level, I did recognize that the picture of perfect, godly family life portrayed in the Elsie books was unrealistic and a guilt-inducing set up for too-high-expectations and feelings of disappointment both for QF moms and their daughters, somehow I did not make the connection between Elsie and the “adult” version of these family vision books which I was reading.

I was already aware of the pressure which Angel was feeling to be the perfect daughter ~ and I made a point of having her read my review as my way of reassuring her that *I* did not expect that sort of perfection from her.  And yet ~ when subsequent volumes of the Elsie series were published, I bought them for Angel.  I’m ashamed to say that for her 20th birthday, I bought her the Botkins sisters’ “So Much More” ~ in the hopes that she would “catch the vision” of virtuous daughterhood.  Ack!

Sorry, Ang.

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The recent “Born to Breed” episode of “Secret Lives of Women” has attracted quite a bit of attention from practicing Quiverfull women ~ and several QF/P blogs are discussing my story and NLQ.  I appreciate that quite a few of these blog commenters are giving thoughtful consideration to the message here. 

But many others are insisting that my Quiverfull “conviction” was a burdensome form of legalism rather than a true calling from the Lord.  It is frustrating to read their comments as these women dismiss my Quiverfull experience as irrelevant by concluding that what we were doing in our family was not the same heartfelt, Spirit-led decision based on our sincere love for the Lord and our desire to be open to His wisdom and guidance in this very personal area of our reproductive lives as what they are currently doing in their own families.

So ~ feeling a bit (okay, maybe a lot) defensive, I went and dug up a piece of writing from my “quivering days.”  This one happens to fit in the timeline of where I’m at in my story ~ I wrote this shortly before I became pregnant with my 7th child, Wesley.  While this started out as a personal letter to a friend, I later modified it for publication in several QF periodicals including “Unless The Lord Magazine.”

I’ll follow this one with a bit of commentary at the end:

Quiverfull and the Life of the Mother

A friend of mine (the local La Leche League leader) is under heavy conviction right now concerning the use of natural family planning.  I can understand her hesitancy to completely give this area over to the Lord as she and her husband are only 21 and already have two children. Recently, “Katherine” posted a question on QuiverFull Digest (an Internet discussion group for families who are trusting the Lord with their “family planning”)  which basically asked the question, “How far are we supposed to follow this ‘Quiverfull’ conviction?  What if the life of the mother would be jeopardized by pregnancy – would it then be prudent to abstain during the woman’s fertile time?  If so, where do we draw the line between being ‘good stewards’ and taking complete control over our reproduction?”

Dear Katherine,

I noticed your post on the QuiverFull Digest recently asking whether it’s acceptable to use birth control in a situation where the mother’s life is in danger.  I did not want to respond to the Digest – but, for what it’s worth – here’s my take on that situation:

First of all, it’s great to know that you are thinking about this issue in depth – convictions that are lightly adopted are easily abandoned when they become inconvenient.  I had a couple of different thoughts concerning your question – and I hope it does not frustrate you too much that I don’t have any hard and fast answers!

One thing to consider carefully is our motives in dealing with the exceptional cases.  Whenever Warren or I establish a new rule at our house there are typically two responses from the children – I’ll use a hypothetical case as an example:  If I were to say, “No running in the house – period!” – I can imagine Angel, who has always been fairly compliant asking the question, “Is it okay for Lydia to run?”  I would easily recognize this – not as a challenge to my authority – but just the opposite – Angel would want to be sure that my new rule was fully complied with, so she would want to know if I expected the older children to start training the youngest not to run in the house.  On the other hand, I can imagine Berea asking me, “What if the house is on fire, then can we run?”  Then, the next time I caught her running in the house she would defend her action by claiming, “but it was an emergency – I have to tell you something really important!”  Berea tends to look for the exceptions in order to justify breaking the rule.

If I understand correctly, your concern is that if we can make a case for practicing birth control when the life of the mother is at risk, then where *do* we draw the line and on what basis?

I know you are well aware that often when a doctor tells a woman that future pregnancies might jeopardize her life – it is simply not true. It is rare that pregnancy is actually life threatening to the mother. In many cases, when a woman’s health is severely compromised, infertility goes along with the health condition (i.e. amenorrhea due to extreme weight loss or gain, etc.) – this most likely is God’s way of protecting the woman from the risks of pregnancy during that time. But what about the cases when the woman’s reproductive system continues to function normally in spite of her other health conditions, or in the (very rare) case of a woman whose health is otherwise fine – it is only pregnancy which puts her at risk?

Many would argue that in those cases, a couple ought to trust God to supernaturally close the woman’s womb.  After all, she cannot get pregnant outside of the will of God – and He knows whether a pregnancy will endanger her life, so He can be trusted to do what is best for the woman in her situation.  Abstaining during the woman’s fertile period would be a lack of faith and therefore, the couple should not expect to receive God’s protection for the woman’s health.

But then, we learn of situations (like the example you gave in your post) where a couple did trust God, conceived, and as a result of the pregnancy, the woman died.  What happened?  Was it God’s will for her to die?  I don’t know.  I do know that God generally works within the natural biological processes which He established in His creation.  He designed the woman’s reproductive system – and generally it works as intended.  Is He able to overrule those natural processes and prevent a woman from conceiving?  Certainly.  There have been very rare instances when He has supernaturally intervened – in the case of Abraham and Sarah, also Zechariah and Elizabeth, and of course, the Virgin Birth, God miraculously caused conception to occur when biologically it would have been impossible.  I don’t know of any recorded examples of God supernaturally preventing conception.

I’m sure you remember the breastfeeding problem I had with Andrew which forced me to stop nursing him at only 10 months.  Andrew had not yet begun eating solids and was nursing frequently throughout the day and at night – my cycles had not returned as a result.  When I started getting sores when he nursed, I called Anne and talked to her several times for quite a long time, trying to figure out what the problem was.  Anne looked through all the printed material she had and even called someone higher up in LLL – but we could not figure it out.  Our midwife, Judy came to the house and watched me breastfeed – she thought maybe Andrew wasn’t latching on correctly.  I talked to a lactation consultant, several nursing mothers, a naturopathic doctor – even had the elders from our church pray for me – Warren & I prayed – no answers.  We could not figure out why I was getting sores, and finally because it was so painful I quit nursing. 

Right away, my cycles returned and I got pregnant with Lydia.  When the same problem happened with Lydia, one phone call to Anne and about 5 minutes or less of consultation and we figured out the obvious – thrush.  It was apparent that the Lord did not answer my prayers with Andrew because it was His timing for me to get pregnant with Lydia.  He could easily have caused me to conceive while nursing – most women have their cycles return while nursing and usually before 10 months postpartum. But not me – I have never ovulated while nursing (well I finally did with Lydia after transferring her to her sister’s room at night when she was 23 months old).  This whole experience confirmed for me that the Lord works within His created order.  He still was in control and His will was accomplished.  I thought it was pretty miraculous, but it was not “supernaturally miraculous” like what happened to the virgin Mary.

So in a situation where the woman continues to be fertile even though pregnancy could be life-threatening it is likely that if she does not abstain during her fertile times she may very well become pregnant.  I believe it is highly unlikely that the Lord will supernaturally prevent her from conceiving – if He intended to prevent her from conceiving He would have done so through natural, biological means. Which brings us back to where we started – should the couple abstain?

As I thought about this question, a different situation came to mind which I believe is similar in that the difficulty of the situation really tested a person’s faith.  I read a lot of biographies of Christian saints whose faith is an inspiration.  Richard Wurmbrandt, who wrote “Tortured for Christ” and founded Voice of the Martyrs ministry, told of several instances in which he was tortured and asked to reveal the identity of fellow believers.  He admits that he often lied to his torturers in order to spare his brothers from imprisonment.  Rahab is a biblical example of someone who lied in order to protect herself and the Israelite spies – this seems like a lack of faith to me, yet Rahab is listed among the faithful in Hebrews 11.  On the other hand, Corrie Ten Boom said that she could not bring herself to tell a lie.  On one occasion, when soldiers demanded to know where the Jews were hidden, she blurted out, “They’re under the table.”  This was true – there was a hidden panel in the floor where the Jews were hidden – it was covered by a rug and a table was placed on top.  When the soldiers looked at the table they could plainly see that no one was hiding under there so they wrote her off as a crazy lady and began searching the rest of the house.  God protected them all.  I often wonder what I would do in a similar situation.  Of course, we don’t really know until it happens, but I’m afraid I would lie.

I hope this comparison makes sense to you.  People tend to respond in different ways – I would be hesitant to say that the couple who abstained lacked faith while the couple who did not, and the wife became pregnant and died, had great faith.  I just pray that I’m never in the situation to have to make that choice.

In some ways the “life of the mother” question reminds me of the way many Jews in Jesus’ day dealt with the Law – in trying to figure out how much they could get away with (What distance is lawful for a man to walk away from his house on the Sabbath?) they were keeping the letter of the Law while completely missing the spirit of the Law.  I am not saying this because I think it applies to you – I don’t.  But while we’re on the subject – this is something that I think is important to consider.  The “spirit” of being QuiverFull is simply to view children as God views them – they’re a blessing, plain and simple.  Whether a couple has a dozen children or only one – it is important to welcome them in the same spirit in which we would receive the Lord Jesus Himself.

God does not send children as a punishment – He sends them, in part, because He knows that we need them to keep us from our own sinful tendencies of selfishness and self-gratification.  In the same manner, I tell my children that even if I could afford a maid, a cook, and a gardener, I would still make sure they had plenty of chores to do. Not because I want my house to be spotless and my yard to be immaculate – but because I see what happens when they have too much time on their hands – they become discontented, bored, lazy, picking on each other, etc.  When they have plenty of work to do, the selfish tendencies all but disappear – they are pleasant and co-operative.  I don’t make them work day and night, of course – and the Lord does provide much that is enjoyable and rewarding in our work as parents. So, I try to keep a healthy perspective to my QuiverFull beliefs – it’s not just “we do not use birth control” – we need to see God as a loving, caring Father Who wants to give us good gifts.

I love to share my own experience and offer whatever resources I have – and I know that my strong convictions are obvious – but I do hope you know that I am not trying to “convince” you.  Only the Holy Spirit can do that – and I’ve learned that He works in His own time and His own way and He always deals with us as individuals.  I am fully convinced to trust Him with our “family planning” and welcome however many children He desires to give us – but it was a long journey for us to go from permanent sterilization (vasectomy) to no birth control at all – and it took several years for us to get to that point.

I was recently reading Dr. Sears’ book on Attachment Parenting – he stated that from the “outside” AP can seem overwhelming and like it would drive a mother to exhaustion – no bottles, no pacifiers, co-sleeping, baby wearing, responding immediately to baby’s cries, etc.  Anyone who first hears of this style of parenting might think – I would be frazzled – I’d never get any sleep, I’d go nuts jumping at every little cry, the baby would be spoiled, etc.  But the mothers who actually do it find that they are more relaxed, get more sleep, enjoy their children more, etc. 

As I was reading that I thought the same goes for the “quiverfull” lifestyle – from the outside it looks exhausting – but those couples I know who are doing it actually have very peaceful, relaxed homes.  They enjoy their children and usually have less of a workload than most of the couples who limit their family size.  I guess it’s kind of a paradox – like taking the “narrow road” which seems restrictive and hard – but in fact is free and peaceful – a “light burden” and “rest” as Jesus promised.  On the other hand, the “broad road” seems easy and carefree, but leads to heartache and trouble.  Those who seek to shirk responsibility actually end up more weighed down and miserable than those who embrace their duties.  I hope this doesn’t sound preachy – it probably does!

If, before Warren had the vasectomy reversal someone had told us that I’d spend the next 7 years either pregnant or nursing (all but about 8 months – and not consecutively) – I’d have seriously had second thoughts.  I would have said, “That would kill me.”  But, in reality it has not been burdensome to me.  Attitude helps a lot and what helps my attitude is knowing definitely that God has called me to this lifestyle.  Any mom who does not have that sure conviction from God – I would not recommend adopting this sort of lifestyle – because it would be too difficult.  On the other hand,  if I knew for sure that God gave me this conviction, but I rejected it and went my own way, I know that I and my family would suffer the consequences.  We see families all around us who are only half committed to serving the Lord – and it is so apparent in the struggles they encounter – marriage breakups, wayward and rebellious children, financial difficulties, spiritual dryness, etc.

I urge you to be in prayer (as I know you already are) and take the time and effort required to know the will of God for your individual family.  Let the couples whose health problem requires a life or death decision in regard to family planning seek the Lord for direction in their own circumstance.  Such is not the case with you.  I am confident that the Lord will guide and direct your husband and you in the choices that He desires for your family as you seek His best for your lives.

===========================================
Vyckie Bennett and her husband, Warren homeschool their six children in Northeast Nebraska.  They are expecting another blessing (their fourth “reversal baby”) in March 2003.

Just a couple of comments here:

First, I think it’s apparent that, while I did hold strong Quiverfull convictions, mine was not a legalistic, dogmatic “misinterpretation” of the Gospel, but rather a deeply personal, Spirit-led walk of faith.

I was actually trying to be generous when I wrote this and therefore held back on stating my true belief and modern OB/GYNs are, as Dr. Mendelsohn contends in his book, Male Practice: How Doctors Manipulate Women, “priests” in the cult of modern medicine.  I didn’t come right out and say that I honestly doubted that for some women, pregnancy is a life-threatening condition.  (My years as a staunch pro-life advocate taught me that the “life of the mother” argument was really only a convenient fallacy promoted by the pro-aborts.)

I also had no real comprehension that pregnancy was actually a life-threatening condition FOR ME.  Even later ~ after I experienced a partial-uterine rupture which nearly killed Wesley and me, I still did not believe that pregnancy was any greater risk to my health than it was for the average woman. 

There’s so much more I could say ~ but I think I’ll stop here and let NLQ readers take up the discussion over on the forum.

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This letter which I wrote to Jonathan Lindvall via his “Bold Christian Living” email discussion list fits into the time period of the latest installment of my story.  This one is total crap ~ I was trying so desperately to figure a way to get Angel to accept and embrace the godly, quiverfull lifestyle which we’d chosen for our family ~ I think that my desperation is quite apparent in this rather pathetic letter:

Dear Mr. Lindvall,

Thank you so much for your ministry — you have been a great encouragement to my husband & me.  I have a concern that I thought you might be able to address as you come from a godly Christian background.  You may have already dealt with this subject and if so, could you please direct us to the appropriate tapes?

My husband & I both come from very ungodly families and grew up amidst drugs, alcohol, violence, perversion, occultism, etc.  As  a young man, my husband, Warren, was serving time in jail for possession & sale of drugs when he turned his life over to the Lord and experienced deliverance from drugs and alcohol.  As for myself, at age 18, I knew that I was a hopeless sinner who deserved Hell — I lived with that miserable conviction for quite some time before the Lord revealed to me His grace & I was saved through faith.  When I surrendered my life to Jesus, it was a dramatic conversion experience  and I knew beyond all doubt that I was a new creature, a child of God and eternally secure.

Both of us had been Christians for several years when we met at church, and although we had a lot of maturing to do yet, we were determined from the beginning of our marriage to make ours a Christ-centered home.  We now have six children and are expecting another in March.  My main question is in regard to our oldest daughter, Angel, who is 17.  From the time she could talk, she has been taught the scriptures and at age 3 she clearly explained the gospel to me in such a manner that I knew she understood and believed. At age 6, Angel desired to be baptized and after speaking with the pastor — who shared with her the “four spiritual laws”, led her in the “sinner’s prayer” and gave us his assurance that he believed she truly understood and believed — shortly afterwards she was baptized.

We have always homeschooled and sheltered our children — there is no TV, they do not participate in youth activities and only a select few of the local homeschool activities.  The few friends that they do have come from families with similar convictions and even then, they are always supervised when they are together.  Angel is very obedient, generally respectful and desires to follow God’s plan for her life.  However, she has often asked me if I think she really is born-again.  She is unsure of whether she is actually a Christian, or if she is just a product of good training.  Several times she has repeated the process of repentance and asking the Lord to save her, but she does not have an absolute assurance of her salvation.  I have led her back to the scriptures many times to show her that she has done what is required for salvation, but still it is difficult for me to know if she is truly a child of God since I had such a dramatic and life-changing conversion and do not really understand how it could be any other way.  So, I guess my question is: How can she be sure of her salvation when she has had no opportunity to commit any “serious” sin or experience any open
rebellion?

Another concern that I have is that my children at times seem to take our secure, godly home for granted and even complain sometimes about those very things that Warren & I longed for as children.  They do not seem to appreciate the fact that there is absolutely no concern in our family that Warren & I will ever divorce.  They have no concept of how wonderful it is to live in a home where drugs, alcoholism, violence, perversion, etc. are totally unheard of.  While I praise God every day for all the blessings of our new life and the better way which He has led us in, it seems the children do not get it at all.  Neither Warren, nor I, have felt it wise to go into detail about our unchristian backgrounds with the children in order to convince them of how blessed they really are.  Since they have never been exposed to such things, they just don’t seem to “get it.”  They see the neighbors attending public school and participating in Girls Scouts or other such activities and this all seems very appealing to them.  Perhaps you have some suggestions for what we can do to help them understand just how much gratitude we owe to the Lord.  Or is this something that they will only be thankful for in the future, when they are raising their own families?

Since you have received a godly heritage from your parents, I am hoping that you will have some insight for us as to exactly how God works in the hearts of the children of the Redeemed.

May God continue to bless you and your family!

Vyckie Bennett
Norfolk, NE

I’ve said it before ~ but it bears repeating: Poor Angel!

Discuss this post on the NLQ forums!

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Warning: If you are a sensitive individual ~ possibly prone to PTSD reactions ~ please be aware that this particular edition of my “Tour de Crap” will likely trip your trigger.  It’s a choice piece to be sure ~ and timely too, in light of all the ruckus over the Conservative Bible Project’s determination to eliminate liberal/progressive bias from the bible.  That’s right, not even the bible itself is conservative enough for True Believers ™.

I understand the mentality ~ BTDT, wrote the following column for our “pro-life, pro-family” newspaper back when my head was totally “there” ~ that is, in a place of absolutist, black & white, no-room-for-compromise thinking.

Okay ~ and I have to say that I do hesitate to post this one ~ because truthfully “crap” doesn’t come close to accurately describing this stuff that I wrote ~ and wholeheartedly believed.  So ~ just in case you didn’t pay much heed to my warning up above ~ let me again caution you, dear clear-minded, not-thoroughly-brainwashed reader:  don’t start this Tour de Crap without first setting up a barf receptical nearby  ~ and you might want to consider pouring yourself a stiff one first ~ just to calm your nerves and help you to keep your cool.

Homosexual, abortionist, drunkard, baby-killing center, selfishness, liar, pervert, child-molester

Are these words offensive?  Should we perhaps use the more politically correct, non-inflammatory euphemistic substitutes: gay, abortion doctor, alcoholic, women’s health center, choice, disingenuous person, gender-confused, pedophile?

While searching through various resources for pro-family news and articles suitable for this issue of [the newspaper], I became irked at what I consider to be a compromise of words by several of the leading pro-life, pro-family organizations.  While I appreciate these conservative, Christian groups for their tremendous work and dedication on behalf of morality and decency in America, and I hesitate to be critical, still I could not remain silent on this issue.  So, while I should have been writing a column for this paper, instead I wrote the following appeal to a group which seems to be the greatest offender:

Please do not refer to homosexuals as “gay”

I just wanted to drop a note to say that while I am very grateful for the ministry of Family Research Council and the stand your organization is taking in the face of America’s declining culture, I am nevertheless disturbed that your materials consistently refer to homosexuals by the misleading term “gay.”  Nine years ago, when I first became aware of the work of FRC, your articles were very careful to avoid this misnomer, only using the designation in quotations.  In recent years, however, there has been a trend in the Christian community and Family Research Council in particular, to capitulate to the degenerates by adopting the preferred language of homosexuals.

I understand the desire of FRC and similar organizations to not appear “militant” or “extremist” as the purveyors of self indulgence wish to portray anyone who would expose the sin of homosexuality.  However, the compromise of words can never be a viable solution.

It is not only in reference to the homosexuality issue that conservative Christians have succumbed to the bullying and intimidations of our opponents.  As Marion Banducci, editor of the national pro-life legislative newsletter, Voice For the Unborn, recently pointed out – within a few short years, the pro-life message has changed from outrage – ABORTION IS MURDER – to passivity – CHOOSE LIFE.  Not only that, we are using the same euphemistic word, “CHOICE” as the pro-death crowd (i.e. the popular commercial “Life What a Beautiful Choice”). Banducci rightly notes, “words, if repeated often enough, particularly in the national media, can set the tone for a nation’s attitudes.”

I implore you to carefully consider your editorial policy regarding the “sugar-coating” of language which is offensive to the liberals. Jesus did not shy away from the use of strong, provocative words which cut to the heart and laid bare the true motives of those who challenged Him.  Yes, He demonstrated His love for and acceptance of sinners – but He told them the truth which they needed to hear, nevertheless.  As followers of Christ, we must resist the temptation to appear “balanced,” “moderate,” or “inexcessive” in the eyes of the national media and the world at large.

Thank you for your prayerful consideration of this exhortation.

Vyckie Bennett
editor & publisher

Nebraska Family Times

====================
I have not yet received a response to my letter from Family Research Council, however, the following responses were posted from readers on
the NFT message board:

Homosexuals not gay

Whenever I run across a reference to “gays” or “lesbians” when I’m reading news on the radio I always change it to “homosexual”. I will not soften the reality of their lifestyle.

“J.K.”
Columbus, Nebraska

Happy and care-free is what the word gay means

I’ve always maintained that anyone who can’t accept himself as God made him, who refuses to accept God’s authority in his life, can never be considered to be happy and care-free which is what the word gay means. I resent the misuse of words by politicians and others. How can we have effective communication if, like Humpty Dumpty, we make our words mean whatever we choose to. The purpose of dictionaries is to ensure meaningful communication through the written and spoken word. If someone is going down the river in a leaky boat, he needs to be warned in clear terms that the boat is leaking and he is in danger if the leak isn’t fixed or the boat abandoned. Keep up the good work.

“A.E.”

Clay Center, Nebraska

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Uh … what can I say?  Sorry!  It all made perfectly good sense to me at the time.  When the Family Research Council is not nearly radical enough ~ that’s gotta be proof positive that we’d definitely gone off the deep end, eh?

I can understand if you’re too outraged to discuss this post on the NLQ forums!

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Here’s an article which I wrote shortly after a QF-ing friend had twins (I was so jealous) ~ this was published in Above Rubies and SALT magazines. I’ve added my comments at the end of the article …

THEY SHALL NOT BE ASHAMED

It sure seems to me that a high percentage of Quiver-minded families are blessed with twins (and triplets).

Of course, the mere fact that we’re having more pregnancies and many QF mothers are older (two of the “risk factors” for multiples) can partially account for this phenomenon – but I think there’s more to the story.

Could it be that God has a fantastic work in store and He’s placing His arrows in the quivers of His sharpest marksmen? Mighty men who are willing to take God at His word and will sharpen these arrows and aim them straight for the Gates of Hades?

I may never … I may never … humbug! Dressed for battle with his helmet of salvation, breastplate of righteousness, belt of truth, sandals of the gospel of peace, protected by his shield of faith, and wielding his sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God, Andrew is ready for action! Let’s do damage to the Kingdom of Darkness!

I’m in the Lord’s Army – Yes Sir!
Don’t you mess with me – No Way!
I am gonna stomp on the enemy -
Faith is the victory!
We will make the Devil flee.
I am gonna shoot that “Old Liar”
Flaming arrows set his pants on fire!
Cause I’m in the Lord’s Army – for the Kingdom!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Interesting, huh? I mean, this is so typical of Quiverfull thinking ~ raising arrows for the Kingdom! I had coupled the QF message with some Dominionist teaching which I’d picked up from American Vision ~ put the two ideas together to form a Battle Plan for Victory ~ have lots of children and train them to be mighty warriors for God. Scary, now that I really think about it ~ scarier still when I consider that those who buy the Quiverfull message are absolutely convinced that God is on their side in the “culture war.”

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Are these all yours? No ~ not all ~ Angel was at the zoo when this picture was taken yesterday at the park ~ so one of them is missing

I’ve been thinking that now would be a good time to add our “reversal testimony” to my Tour de Crap ~ since I am to the part in my story when the babies started coming … and coming … and coming. Plus ~ Mother’s Day is coming up so that seems like an appropriate opportunity to tell how it is that, although I had determined as a child that I would never have any children, I ended up as a mother to seven kids. (And in case you’re worried that I’m not happy about all these children, please read this.)

I originally wrote this testimony about six months after our first “reversal baby,” Hazelle, was born ~ it appeared as a chapter in Nancy Campbell’s book, “A Change of Heart: Testimonies of Couples Who Have Had Reversals of Vasectomies and Tubal Ligations” ~ my chapter was titled, “A Tough Conviction.” A few years later, when Nancy wanted to republish the book, I added the update to tell about the addition of Andrew, Lydia Jean, and Wesley to our family.

So, here’s the article ~ at the end, I’ll add some commentary:

A CHANGE OF HEART

by vyckie bennett

During our premarital counseling, Warren and I asked the pastor if it was okay to use birth control. Since I had already had a daughter, Angel, who was four years old, I knew that I would have to deliver all my children by c-section. This would be expensive, but I still wondered if we wouldn’t be “playing God” by using birth control. The pastor said that he felt sure that the Lord would want us to “get established” before having any more children. I was extremely apprehensive about going to the clinic to get free pills because I knew that abortions were performed there. So the pastor’s wife went along with me to the Emma Goldman Clinic in Iowa City to offer “moral support.” It was a very creepy place.

I was never really faithful about using the Pill, I suppose my heart was just not in it. It didn’t take long before I was pregnant. I miscarried that baby, and although I hadn’t wanted to get pregnant at that time, I was very devastated by the loss. I tried to get pregnant again right away, which I did within two months. Berea was born by c-section on August 26, 1991. The recovery from the c-section was difficult and I experienced some postpartum depression.

I didn’t want to go through so much misery again too soon, so I made an appointment to get a Norplant insert. I thought a five-year break would be about right, then we’d think about having more children. But when I mentioned to a Christian friend that I was getting a Norplant, she told me that it could act as an abortifacient. I decided to reschedule my appointment so I would have some extra time to find out more about Norplant. In the meantime, I got pregnant. Berea was only four months old, so the c-section was still pretty fresh in my memory. I cried at the thought of having to go through that again. At the same time, I was happy to have another baby, because they are so precious and lovable!

Our third girl, Chassé was born on October 16, 1992. This time the c-section was much easier since it was so soon after the last one so I could remember all the little tricks that had helped with recovery the last time. A few days after I came home from the hospital, I broke out in hives. The doctor prescribed some Benadryl for the swelling that was mostly in my eyes. The pain pills must have affected my thinking, because after I took the pills I set them on my desk, within Berea’s reach. I even thought to myself, “Berea can probably reach those, I should put them up.” However, I was so “out of it” from the medication that I just went back to bed.

Warren woke me to tell me that Berea had eaten some of my pills. We had to take her to the emergency room, but since Warren is blind (and doesn’t drive), and I still could not drive because I had just had surgery, we had to call my sister to take us to the ER.

Here I was at the hospital: with a 13-month-old who had been poisoned and her week old baby sister. I was so drugged up that I barely knew what I was doing. My face was all red and my eyes were swollen shut from the hives. I thought, “I can’t go through this anymore! This is too much!”

I decided to talk to a Christian OB/GYN about birth control. I asked specifically, “Is it Biblical?” The doctor did not answer my question. Instead, he began telling me about all of my “options,” i.e., the Pill, the condom, etc. When I asked about Natural Family Planning, he cracked a joke about the only word he had for couples who relied on NFP for birth control – “I call them parents!”

Warren consulted with our pastor (we had moved and were attending a fundamentalist, “Bible-believing” Baptist church). He asked the same question, “Is birth control Biblical?” The pastor did not refer to the Bible at all, but stated that he believed the Lord wanted us to properly raise the children we had. He said that he was planning to have a vasectomy himself. We tried to search the Bible for ourselves, but did not know where to look – we certainly didn’t find anything in the concordance under ‘birth control,’ ‘contraception,’ or ‘The Pill!’

About this time, Bill Clinton was elected President and we began to wonder how we would raise godly children in such a wicked world. We were worried about whether we would be allowed to home educate our girls, whether we could afford the three children we already had and how we would pay for any future pregnancies. We could not get insurance to pay for c-sections, as it was a pre-existing condition.

The day after Christmas 1992, Warren had a vasectomy. Even before we left the doctor’s office we both felt terrible about our decision, but we thought, “What else could we do?” After all, the Lord wants us to be wise stewards and it wouldn’t be very ‘smart’ to continue to have children and place such strain on our family – right?

Over the next couple of years the Lord really worked on our hearts. He convicted us of our fear, which is not faith and therefore sin. I finally read Mary Pride’s book, All the Way Home and we became convinced that we had sinned in this area. We realized that the Bible actually has quite a bit to say about birth control, specifically ‘conception control’ which is God’s prerogative and not man’s.

I want to be very honest about the effects of the vasectomy on our marriage. I pray it will be a warning for anyone else who might take sterilization lightly as we did. I began to identify with Rachel in the Bible who wept and mourned for her children. I felt that God had intended to give us more children, but that we were preventing their conception. I cried often as I longed to hold my babies! I constantly battled with the temptation to become bitter towards my husband. Sometimes I would catch myself thinking, “I’m not the one who can’t have any more children – it’s Warren who is sterile.” I’m sure you understand the implication of such thinking. Only by much prayer was I able to put those kinds of thoughts out of my head.

Whenever I looked at Chassé, or held her, I was constantly reminded that we had not intended to have her. She is such a sweet and delightful little girl, yet we had planned on getting the Norplant to make sure she wouldn’t be conceived. I felt guilty knowing that our own wisdom and selfishness would have denied Chassé her very life. It only confirmed that God knew what was best for us. He gave us such a precious blessing, even though we had other plans.

Both Warren and I felt that since we knew that the vasectomy was wrong, we must do whatever we could to make things right again. The local urologist we spoke with looked at our three daughters and said, “You have a beautiful family. You should concentrate on raising them properly. But if you really think you want a boy . . .” He said he could do the procedure for $6,000, not counting the hospital costs. Of course this seemed like an impossible amount of money. I was already working full-time to supplement Warren’s income. Nevertheless, we believed that God wanted us to get the reversal, so we began saving about 15% of our income each month towards the surgery. We had to save a large percentage because we wanted the reversal before I went through menopause! I was 29 years old at the time.

About two months after we started saving a friend gave us a publication by the Couple to Couple League which mentioned that CCL had a list of surgeons who did reversals at a reduced cost. I called immediately for the list and found that there was a doctor in Omaha, about 100 miles away. The flyer said that he charged approximately $1,500. We made an appointment and when this Urologist saw our three daughters, he said, “You have beautiful children, you should have more!” He explained that the sooner the reversal was done after the original vasectomy, the more likely it would be successful. It had been about two years since Warren’s vasectomy and the doctor wanted to do the surgery right away. When we explained that we did not yet have the money, he told us not to worry about it as we could make payments. “We’re not going to leave you without money to put food on your table,” he told us.

On Valentine’s Day 1995, Warren had the reversal surgery. The surgery went fine and when we got the final bill from the doctor it was only $170. No joke!

We knew the surgery was successful when I became pregnant in early June. Through a series of events we discovered my first three c-sections had been totally unnecessary. Imagine my disgust! I was at the same time, however, delighted by the possibility of having this baby naturally. We were convinced that this was the Lord’s way of providing financially for the delivery. I thought the Lord must have been honoring our obedience by showing us an easier way to have the babies.

Things did not go as planned, however. In mid-February I caught the flu, which lasted for six days and totally depleted my strength. By the time I went into labor, I was too exhausted to deliver the baby naturally. Hazelle Elizabeth was born on February 23, 1996 – our fourth girl, and such a precious little one!

Because she was also born by c-section, I felt that our resolve to allow the Lord to have control over our reproductive lives was being tested. How could we trust Him, when I had such difficulty delivering each baby? What about the hospital costs? At one point during the surgery, due to the complications from the flu, I really thought I was going to die on the table. Could I go through it again? One look into little Hazelle’s eyes and we have our answer. She is an absolute joy!

Yes, it can be a tough conviction to live with. But that seems to be true about most of our journey down the “narrow path” of our Christian walk. Sufferings, persecutions, and tribulations are all to be expected as we endeavor to be faithful to God’s revealed will for our lives. But the rewards are great, both here and hereafter. We are blessed with children, the joy each one brings can hardly be expressed. We are blessed with *peace, knowing that we are being conformed to His image as we submit ourselves to His refining and purifying fires. Oftentimes it feels like “the heat is on.” But, oh the beauty of fine gold!

When Hazelle was 19 months old, I became pregnant again. Although we were very excited about welcoming another child to our family, I was somewhat apprehensive about the upcoming delivery. Should I attempt another natural delivery? It just didn’t seem right for me to give up and schedule another c-section, knowing that medically there really was no reason that I should not be able to deliver my babies without surgical intervention. About halfway through the pregnancy I had a very strong sense of assurance from the Lord that this delivery would go well. I remember thinking that the Lord was going to allow me to have a natural birth and that He would change my name from Vyckie to Victoria — because I would be victorious! On June 20, 1998, Kent Andrew was born at home with the assistance of a midwife. Although I had a very long (40+) labor, it was not painful and there were no complications. A homebirth after four cesareans — truly, the Lord has rewarded our willingness to trust Him with our family in spite of the difficulties! Our firstborn son, “Andrew” arrived about an hour too early for Father’s Day, but he is a great gift nevertheless.

We have been blessed in every manner — physically (no more c-sections), financially (our small home business has prospered so that we are more than able to provide for our household), and especially spiritually. Our eyes have been opened to so many Bible truths, and we have peace with God and a clear conscience that were lacking when our total focus was on our own comfort and desires.

The Lord has since added a two additional blessings — Lydia Jeannette, born May 6, 2000 and David Wesley, born March 23, 2003.

Having seven children is actually less work for me than when I had three young ones. Angel, Berea & Chassé are old enough to do most of the housework and a good deal of the cooking. They’re also very eager to help care for and entertain the younger ones. When I think of how we nearly missed out on these four special people whom the Lord has placed in our family since Warren’s reversal, I am horrified that we could so easily have prevented their very existence. To me, this is worse than abortion because in that case at least the child has life — although, sadly aborted children will never know their mothers’ love.

I often wonder why the Lord chose to convict us of this truth — that children are a blessing and that we’ve no right to make eternal choices regarding another being’s existence. I know of so many other Christian couples who are limiting their children or “planning” their families for the sake of their convenience, but I am convinced that God has not given Warren & me that option. He has called us to a life of faith and trust, and He has proved Himself ever faithful on our behalf.

Sigh.

I could not see it at the time, but this testimony has it all: Martrydom, Superiority, The VISION, Conviction, Kid Collecting, Lack of Balance, …

I wonder now how convincing my testimony would have been if I’d have included all the details of my horrendous pregnancy and delivery with Hazelle, the gross incompetence of the midwife, Judy Jones, during my home birth, the partial-uterine rupture during Wesley’s delivery which nearly left six children to be raised by their ultra-domineering, tyrannical father?

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I’ll add a few quick observations at the end of this article:

BLESS, DO GOOD, PRAY … 3 REMEDIES FOR SIBLING RIVALRY
by vyckie bennett

Stop that bickering now! Do not yell at your sister. It is not necessary to shriek whenever your brother looks at you! Move away from each other. Remember Bambi? “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say nothin’ at all!” If Jesus were standing in this room, would you speak to each other like that? What now?!! Just try to get along for two minutes – please!

About a year ago, the reality struck me that all my efforts to foster friendship and kindness amongst our children were in vain – their constant bickering was exasperating and made me weary to the bone. Yes, children are a blessing, but I was feeling cursed by their endless contention, lack of love and downright meanness toward one another.

Punishments were generally fruitless whether it be forcing the offenders to work together on extra chores, separating them in the hopes that they would cool down and begin afresh, loss of privileges … didn’t matter, they would be right back at each other at the first opportunity.

Modeling didn’t seem to make much difference – I try to speak kindly and treat Warren and the children respectfully and they usually are very sweet to me in return. How could they then turn around and treat each other with bitterness and cruelty the instant I would leave the room?

Bible verses – we memorized these plus many more:

It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling. Proverbs 20:3

It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. Proverbs 25:2

Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him. Proverbs 26:4

In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother. 1John 3:10

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. John 13:35

Surely, hiding such wisdom in their hearts would cure them of strife? Don’t bet on it. Argh! Help! What to do?!

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. James 1:5

Prayer – good idea. I earnestly sought the Lord in this matter for my children’s sake and for the sake of my own sanity. He led Warren and I to a couple of exceptional resources: Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah, Stephen, and Grace Mally and The Young Peacemaker by Corlette Sande. We studied these books with our children during our family devotions – both are full of practical, Biblical ways to teach siblings why they should get along and how to be best friends.

We could definitely see an improvement in the children’s relationships, but the real breakthrough didn’t come until the Lord gave me this verse:

But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven…(Matt. 5: 44 – 45a)

Our children were certainly treating each other like enemies. Jesus clearly tells us the remedy – bless, do good, and pray. Very simple. Here’s how we put this into practice:

Whenever one or more of the children come running to me in distress over some squabble or dispute, I instruct both parties to first of all hold hands. Okay, that’s not in the verse – I once saw two young sisters holding hands together at Walmart and it really blessed me to witness such tenderness. I’ve noticed that when my children hold hands their hearts soften and they more readily become friends.

Next, I ask the offended child to explain the problem.

“She just messed up my project!”

“Is that so? Sounds like you were being persecuted. Now, what was it Jesus said we should do for those who persecute us? Retaliate? Scream like a Banshee? No, the Lord instructed us to pray for them. I’d like you to do that right now, please.” Then I close my eyes and wait expectantly for the offended one to pray for the offender. If they are very young, I will help lead them in prayer, “Dear Jesus, thank You for my sister. Help me to love her and please teach us to get along. Bless her, dear Lord and help me to show her how glad I am that You made us sisters. Amen.”

“But she said my dress is ugly and my shoes stink!”

“Did you feel like she was cursing you with those hurtful words? I’d say that definitely calls for a blessing. What can you say to encourage your sister and cheer her up?” I often will give suggestions for words of blessing, “May the Lord bless you and encourage you. I’m glad that we are sisters. I hope your project turns out really well – I’m sure it will earn a ribbon at the fair. You are being very creative and diligent on that project.”

“But now my project is messed up! Why did she have to be so mean?!”

“I don’t know … it was certainly a hateful thing to do. This is a great opportunity for you to do good! Remember that we are not to be overcome by evil, but we can overcome evil with good. Now what good thing can you do for your sister in obedience to Jesus’ command?” Depending on how severely the relationship has been strained, the good thing may be as simple as a sincere hug, or the child might offer to share a treat, do the other’s chore, etc. The more bitter and angry the offended child is, the greater service I require until I am assured that their heart has again become tender towards their sibling.

That doesn’t seem right, does it? One child messes up the other’s bedroom and the offended is asked to go clean the offender’s room for him … is that fair? Is it just? No, but it is meek and Christlike.

Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance? Romans 2:4

The offended one has an opportunity to show forbearance and longsuffering. Both have an opportunity to contemplate the meaning of Christ’s suffering on the cross for their sakes. So far, in our home the offender has not failed to repent, ask forgiveness and set things right. Most often, both are soon working together and they’re giggling and whispering – the relationship is restored.

Serious offenses such as lying, intentional physical hurting, stealing, etc. still do require discipline. But the majority of my children’s battles are more along these lines: “SHE STUCK HER BARE FEET ON MY PILLOW AND NOW I CAN’T SLEEP ON IT UNTIL IT IS WASHED!!”

Of course, all of this requires my attention – I no longer say, “Just get along and be nice!” hoping and praying that they’ll somehow work things out. Not long after we began applying this remedy, we noticed the children were not nearly so quick to come running over every minor distress. We certainly haven’t attained perfect peace and tranquility, but we’re making great progress.

Recently, 5-year-old Lydia Jean let out a screech and came flying up the stairs. Big brother, Andrew had grabbed one of her toys and she was not happy! As she approached the top step, she flung up her arms, then placed her hands on her hips. “Well! I guess I’ll just have to empty his trashes for him then,” she said to no-one in particular. She proceeded to pull bags out of the cans in the kitchen, twist-tie them shut and place them by the front door. Next, she put new bags in the trash cans and then calmly went back downstairs to resume playing with Andrew who had quickly forgotten the skirmish and was glad to have Lydia’s companionship again. She didn’t even mention to him that she had done his chore – it wasn’t until later in the day that he discovered the trash bags had been changed and then he quickly thanked his sister, apologized for grabbing, hugged her and off they went again to play together kindly and peaceably.

Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! Psalm 133: 1

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Here’s another article that I wrote back when I was “quivering.” (‹(ô¿ô)›) The reason I wanted to share it here is simply to make the point that, for me (and I believe MANY quiverfullers), it was a “package deal.” We started out homeschooling (and I’m not saying that ALL homeschoolers go down this exact same path ~ but we certainly weren’t the only ones) ~ and everything else flowed from there.

I remember that after years and years of getting deeper and deeper, I began to sort of dread opening a new issue of Home School Digest, “The Quarterly Journal for Serious Home Schoolers .” (This was my favorite magazine ~ I often reprinted their articles in my paper and Skeet occasionally published my articles in her magazine.) I’d be thinking to myself, Oh boy ~ what’s next? BUT ~ that apprehension I felt was always coupled with excitement at the thought that we were learning new ways to live out the principles of a truly godly, biblical family so as to bring glory to the Lord and to be Salt & Light to our friends, family and community.

HOMESCHOOL? OH, I COULD NEVER DO THAT!
by vyckie bennett

Those were my exact words when our pastor’s wife, Joann suggested that we try homeschooling. When Warren had a cornea transplant in 1988, he was instructed by the doctors not to do anything for six months – he wasn’t even allowed to sneeze for fear of rejection of the new cornea. So I bought him a set of alphabet flashcards and, although he couldn’t see them, since they were all in order, he was able to teach Angel her letters and their sounds. Eventually, the transplant was rejected and Warren did not recover his eyesight, but that half a year was anything but a waste of time – our four-year-old had learned to read!

We were faced with a dilemma – Angel’s birthday isn’t until November, so it would be another year before she could enter Kindergarten. We worried that when she finally was old enough for the classroom she would be bored to tears academically.

I was sure that I could never teach at home even though I was in my second year of college working towards a degree in education. I didn’t have the patience, nor the time, nor even the desire to have my overly-talkative, very curious child at home all day, every day looking to me to keep her challenged.

Joann urged us to try homeschooling “for just one year” – if we found it wasn’t for our family, Angel would still be on track to enter school on schedule. She shared with us one of her homeschooling catalogs – the materials actually looked very inviting with colorful pages and simple instructions. I ordered one A Beka homeschool workbook and Angel and I were both hooked. So began our homeschool journey.

Homeschooling – It’s Not Just for the Children

Warren and I have learned much more than our children through homeschooling. The first thing I learned was to love and enjoy my children. Not that I didn’t love Angel – but she was such a handful! Cute? Yes. Smart? Very. Exhausting? Absolutely! There was no end to her cheery chatter and inquisitiveness. Angel is very outgoing and thrives on attention. I, on the other hand, am more of an introvert – interacting and relating tends to drain me and I need time alone to recharge. Also, she is highly emotional while I tend to be more logical so I was uncomfortable with what I refer to as her “gushiness.” So, I was ever eager to pass my child off on any occasion. We had her involved in all manner of activities where I could drop her off for an hour or two – or half a day – so I could be free to pursue my own interests.

Through homeschooling books and magazines I was introduced to the truth that children are a blessing and a delight. I had heard it often said that they grow up quickly and we needed to enjoy them while we have them. But the reality didn’t sink in until I began to meet other parents who actually wanted to be with their children and took pleasure in the company of their little ones.

I now understand that Angel and I are very well-suited for each other. She helps draw me out from my escapism and stoicism and I have helped her to temper her passions and not dominate conversations and relationships. I have learned not to idolize “my time” and “my interests” – now, instead of being anxious for my children to be raised so I can “get on with my life,” I see that raising children IS my life for this season and I can live and enjoy them in the present.

Once I decided that I really do love children, we wasted no time providing built-in playmates for Angel. We had six more children in eleven years. Talk about opportunities for personal growth! Warren and I have become experts in organization, time management, and all-around efficiency.

Because the children are with us all day, when character or behavior problems arise we do not have the option of letting things slide – we must either work out a solution or go crazy. This has led us to many creative solutions to family problems which might otherwise have persisted for generations. (Read my article, Bless, Do Good, Pray … 3 Remedies for Sibling Rivalry for an example of God-inspired problem solving.)

Putting the “Home” in Homeschool

An added benefit of being involved in the homeschool movement has been exposure to what I term the “Homeschool Lifestyle” – the revival of ideals and practices that have been forgotten or neglected by Christians for far too long.

Family Unity – Family life has become so fragmented in recent years with each individual member going their separate ways busily pursuing their own person agenda. The homeschool family has been likened to a team of all the same color on a Chess board – working together and all advancing in the same direction.

The Family Altar – The homeschooling community places great emphasis on the role of the father as spiritual leader. Setting aside time daily to worship, study, and discuss the Lord and His Word is THE KEY to family success.

Healthy Eating Habits – Not only do we eat together as a family every day for nearly every meal, but we now have more time and more cooks available to prepare nutritious meals so we are nourishing our children’s bodies and souls simultaneously.

Modesty – It’s too bad that fashions seen in churches these days would have been a scandal on the streets in days past. One advantage that homeschooled children enjoy is reduced peer-dependency which means they are more easily able to forego the latest trends in clothing styles.

Courtship vs. Dating – Why do we encourage our hormone-laden teens in the boyfriend / girlfriend game and then despair when they become promiscuous? Tons of time, money, and energy could be saved on abstinence education by simply eliminating the pairing off of young people who are not prepared physically, emotionally or financially for marriage. Serial dating is nothing more than practice for serial marriages.

Radically Pro-Life – A.K.A. “Quiverfull,” “allowing the Lord to plan our family,” or “trusting God with our family planning.” It is this ideal which has resulted in our having quite a few more than the average number of children. Why do Christians seek to limit the size of their families through the use of chemical birth control? The truth be told, our reasoning generally parallels that of the abortion culture – additional children will cause inconvenience, financial hardships, lifestyle constraints – all this coupled with the desire to separate sex from procreation. How can the Church expect to speak with any moral authority on the evils of abortion when we ourselves are guilty of the very anti-life values fueled by the family planning mentality?

Children Are the Real Winners

We graduated Angel in the Spring of 2004 having homeschooled her all the way through High School. She is currently living in Tennessee, pursuing music and volunteering at Above Rubies, an awesome ministry to encourage women in their role as godly wives and mothers. Recently she has almost single-handedly organized a benefit concert to raise money for a Liberian orphanage and to help bring several of the orphans to America for adoption.

Although she often thanked Warren & I for making the necessary sacrifices to teach her at home, now that she’s living in the “Real World” (a misnomer) Angel is truly appreciative and is bearing good fruit in keeping with the cultivating of the soil of her heart which we have been diligent to tend over the years.

Admittedly, we are still quite early in our parenting career with little Wesley barely two years old. Homeschooling has been our privilege and our delight. The blessings of our first fifteen years of home schooling encourage and motivate us to earnestly look forward to another sixteen or so years.

Wesley is the beneficiary of all the wisdom gained from experiments on Angel who has so graciously served as our guinea pig.

………………………………………………………………………………………

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