NLQ Miscellany

Updates – Please Bookmark Our New Address

May 20, 2012
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by Calulu

Just posted the latest installment of Millipede’s story up on our new Patheos space at http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2012/05/millipede-part-3/

Our space at Patheos is a work in progress. As you can see there are no links to our suggested reading list, or our forums or pictures of Vyckie or anything remotely like what you see here. It’s not because we’re doing away with those things, not at all, but because Vyckie and I are still in the process of editing the new space, trying to construct a more user-friendly version of NLQ. We really want NLQ to be an easy to navigate site chock full of information on leaving dangerous situations of spiritual abuse.

I don’t know if any of you have tried to grow grapes but if you don’t watch what you’re doing, both with grapevine horticulture and web design it’s easy for it to spiral into a large disorganized heap. Grapevines have to be carefully pruned and shaped all the time during the growing season or you end up with a big mess that hasn’t produced the amounts of fruit you could have had. It’s the same with websites, you have to keep things pruned, updated and moving forward or you end up with mess that is hard to find the information.

My passion and vision for the new version of NLQ is to help as many women coming out of harmful fundamentalism as possible. Especially in these times when it seems like many different parts of society are attacking women in some form. We seek to bring hope, healing, a sisterhood of support to those that will be finding our site in the coming months. Both Vyckie and I are committed to this goal.

What about the forum? I keep getting asked. There will be some changes going on in regards to the forum. We will no longer be posting threads in the “NLQ Blog Posts” section. Patheos encourages it’s members to keep discussion of content on the actual posts in the comments section. This is particularly important with engaging new readers, particularly quiverfull-minded people. The best way to keep an actual give and take conversational exchange is on the blog.

The “Hot Topics” and “General Chat” sections will make up the majority of the forum for now. Those will be linked to as we keep making changes to our new site. We will be closing the “QF Survivors Corner” for now. The reason behind that is that we have had a mole in that section for some time that has shared some of the personal information members have posted in that section. It’s not safe to continue posting in that section and we really want all of NLQ to be a safe and supportive environment for our readers.

Thanks for making this one of the most supportive and encouraging sites for hurting people! You all rock!

Peace and love,

Calulu

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Who Was That Masked Man: Part 2

May 19, 2012
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Print Friendly..is now up at our new address – http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2012/05/who-was-that-masked-man-part-2/ Please update your bookmarks ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NLQ Recommends … ‘Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment’ by Janet Heimlich ‘Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland ‘Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

Unwrapping the Onion: Part 8: Coming Out, Bit by Bit

May 18, 2012
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The newest installment of Permission to Live’s powerful and courageous series it up at out new address – http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/2012/05/unwrapping-the-onion-part-8-coming-out-bit-by-bit/

Be sure to correct your bookmarks for NLQ to our new address at Patheos – http://www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/

A Brand New Day

May 17, 2012
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by Calulu

We’ve moved! No Longer Quivering has moved over to Patheos starting today. The old site will still be accessible for the remainder of the week but be sure to change your bookmarks to our new address – www.patheos.com/blogs/nolongerquivering/

As time has passed at NLQ keeping the site uploaded with fresh content has become about as easy as racing a rusted out old Pinto with flat tires in the Grand Prix. Lots of crashing. Lots of burning. Hours of wasted time. Add in the hacking every time we discussed the Duggars and you can see we needed to move. Patheos has a dedicated staff that will make sure that NLQ runs smoothly.

We’re working to make sure that NLQ is an easy to use resource for those seeking information about the dangers of Patriarchal Fundamentalism and other repressive spiritual abuse.

Remember always, Jello should quiver, jelly should quiver, weak knees quiver but you don’t have to.

Millipede: Part Two

May 16, 2012
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by Millipede

Eventually, the church building materialized. At first, we had a larger group. Soon however, there was a falling out with a group which had comprised most of those from the Patriot group. Part of it was personality and some of it was viewpoint. Some wanted to the place to be a patriot type meeting house while some wanted it to be a church. This belied a rift that plays itself over again and again in this end of the spectrum.

On one hand there are what I would call the “political types”. This is simply for lack of a better term and is not indicative of a lack of Faith. People within this group were most often led into church via ideological means. Their religious views are part of a larger concert of views. I heard a pastor bemoan such people, saying that they simply added Christ onto a long chain of train cars of belief. One car might be their position on gun control, another states’ rights and so on. With the “religious question” answered they move on to continue to build the train. He stated that they needed to make Christ the locomotive, not merely regulate Him along a set of beliefs.

On the other hand you have those for whom Faith is the primary motivation. They often come from a strong Fundamentalist background. Not from in a distant childhood past either, but often having recently come from various conservative churches. for these folks, ideological issues are important, but they are subordinate to questions of faith.

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Who Was That Masked Man? Part 1

May 15, 2012
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by Calulu

This is a new series that I’m starting. I actually started writing about my history with the one person that impacted me the most during my days at the old church. I’m flip, I’m sarcastic in this series but mostly I am processing what happened to me because it seems like a plot straight out of the recently cancelled series GCB (Good Christian Bitches). After telling my therapy years ago about this man I was encouraged to write it all down. I did and if I didn’t laugh and poke fun I’d be crying right now. It was the most corrosive relationship I’ve ever been in and I didn’t even have the common sense to run from it. I’ve changed names and some small details because until recently this person still stalked me in an effort to make me return to my old beliefs. I have to believe his extreme inner hurt drove his behavior.

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If there was one person that affected my journey both into and out of a Patriarchal Fundigelical church that man would be Tom Smith. He was there at the start and he still haunts me like a cackling insano Captain Ahab chasing Moby Dick around an endless ecclesiastical sea. He has a monomaniacal desire to either force me back into our old borderline fundamentalist way of life replete with a submissive attitude or to hound me about going to hell. Sometimes he seems to spit at me “ … to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee. “ but it sounds more like, “You are going to HELL for going to THAT church with homosexual abortionists and unGodly UNSAVED!!!!” Eleventy1111111!!!!

Back when the husband and I were new believers we ended up going to the same church as he back in 1995, PCC. He and his wife pounced upon us at once, inviting us over to watch movies, play cards, or share a meal. We didn’t know anyone else in the church at that time and they, Tom and Tina, had four boys ranging from just older than our son to the same age as our daughter. The kids loved to get together.

From the first I was put off by Tom’s fake-seeming Jesus Freak persona. He would do things like stop in the middle of a movie or game to lecture about Jesus. He prayed very publicly in almost a showy fashion at the drop of a hat and constantly had Christian rock and roll playing at full blast. These things set off my internal bullshit detector but since we were newly minted kool aid drinkers I thought I was the wacky one.

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Unwrapping the Onion: Part 7: Charting a New Course

May 14, 2012
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by Permission to Live

This post is part of a series of nine posts. Please click here to start with the series Introduction.

It had been a year since my spouse had come out to me. It felt like it had been much longer. So much had changed and yet nothing had changed. We still hadn’t decided how Christianity tied in with our changing reality: I was leaning further and further away from the idea of God but my spouse still believed. We felt like there were no real answers anymore. Life was not as black and white as people wanted it to be. My spouse was talking more and more about transitioning and I felt like there was no one-size-fits-all in gender identity. Maybe my spouse would become comfortable living as a man and wouldn’t need to transition, but maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe he would transition to living as a female someday, but again, maybe he wouldn’t. The idea just wasn’t that scary to me anymore. My spouse was already living as such a feminine person as he had grown more comfortable with who he was, transition would just be a natural next step if it happened.

In fact the only fear that still clung to me was how this would affect our children, and that made me wonder if my spouse should try to put off transition until the kids were grown up. The faith and culture that I had been brought up in told me that children had to have parents of both genders to be happy, healthy, and well-adjusted. Wouldn’t our children resent us for having grown up with two female parents? How would society treat them? Would they always be the kids with the weird dad? Was it even possible to raise kids without a “manly influence?”

Despite my fears and doubts, I couldn’t deny that my spouse was happier than I had ever seen him. He was relaxed and involved. He was dressing more and more femininely at home, and the kids didn’t mind at all. They were starting to figure out that their daddy was a bit different than other daddies, but they were happy to have a peaceful parent who loved them and cared for them, talked with them and snuggled them and listened to them. It was as if a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders, like he no longer had to spend the majority of his time struggling to constantly tread water and keep his head above the surface and stay alive. Instead, all of the energy that had been consumed in that struggle could be spent on parenting and living. The conversation about transition “someday” started to change into transition being a real option in the near future, and I couldn’t come up with a reason our kids should have to go back to having a depressed repressed parent who lived as a male and struggled to survive with the help of anti-depressants instead of a happy relaxed involved parent who lived as female. A guy as feminine as he was turning out to be was going to out of the ordinary anyway. Why was I questioning this at all? To please a god? Who had played this gender joke on us in the first place? A god I wasn’t even sure existed?

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Happy Mother’s Day

May 13, 2012
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Happy Mother’s Day to our dear readers. No matter what has brought you to this day, your journey through the most difficult and beautiful days of your life may you enjoy today with your children.

(Or not, there is something to be said for sneaking away to be childless for the day and get a pedicure or go fishing..)

Please share your greatest mothering triumphs, times when things went a little screwy or just whatever you’d like to share in our comments below. We’ll resume regular posting tomorrow.

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