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Regular readers of this blog know that I watch TLC’s “19 Kids and Counting–” a reality show featuring the family of Jim-B0b and Michelle Duggar. I make some people very happy with my blog posts on this family and get flames from others. Such is life!! So, when I spotted a used copy of their new book so I could “buy used and save the difference,” just like the Duggar’s recommend, I knew I’d have to review it here!

Like everything Duggar there is much to admire here: some good tips about listening to your children, listening to your spouse, spending time as a family, spending time in God’s word, gathering together with other believers, living debt free, controlling your anger, modeling good behavior, drawing close in times of crisis, and looking for learning opportunities all around you.

A Season of Re-Runs:

This book, however, does have a few flaws that need examining. First: repeat, repeat, repeat! Much of this book is a virtual transcript of several recent episodes of “19 Kids and Counting” (or it’s previous incarnations). If the reader has never seen an episode it might be new, but I doubt it. Like any politician, Jim-Bob “stays on message.” You can find nearly everything in this book in other radio or podcast interviews, newspaper or magazine stories or blog posts.

Another big problem is that this book, when not repeating everything said in the past, is a public relations exercise. Nearly everything the Duggars have ever been criticized for on message boards, blogs, in the press–it all gets “answered” here. Don’t expect any shocking answers! Jim-Bob stays on message.

Answering the Critics:

Josie’s birth:

The Duggars acknowledge that Josie’s birth put the biggest strain ever on their marriage. The demands of Mom being at the hospital with the baby, Dad trying to keep his real estate business and the rest of the family going in a new house with great limitations for their family, was tough. The endless strain, too, of the very real health problems Josie went thru and the never-ceasing demands of her 17 youngest brothers and sisters were very, very hard to cope with. They give all credit to God and to their strong faith in Him to see them through.

They also clear up misunderstandings about her medical bills. The Duggars HAVE health insurance. Ironically, Jim-Bob had been considering whether it was really worth the thousands of dollars per year to continue their coverage. Josie’s birth took away those doubts–probably forever! He had to pay both the 2009 and 2010 deductibles. That’s it.

Food: veggies and whole grains

In my previous posts, and in posts in other venues, I have often said that we only see on “19 Kids and Counting” what the editors want us to see. So, I wasn’t at all surprised that food, one of the things for which the Duggars are constantly harped at, was a big deal in this book. No, they clearly don’t exist only on Tater Tot Casserole and half-cooked Ramen noodles! There are recipes sprinkled throughout the book that demonstrate the “depth” of Duggar cuisine. Too bad the cookbook they recommend is only for sale on the ATI/IBLP website–I would have enjoyed trying it if it was widely available.

The Duggars are, by now, probably world famous for their love of pickles! They like canned veggies spritzed with vinegar as a quick snack as well as the normal fresh fruits, veggies that we all enjoy. I was pleased to see the Duggar kids, like my two, love lemons and limes just much as they do other fruits! For those who enjoy trying recipes with interesting ingredients there is an apple dumpling recipe made with Sprite or Mountain Dew!

It’s hard to envision an ATI family NOT owning a Bosch universal mixer and the Duggars, apparently, make good use of theirs. They reprint in full, with recommendations on the types of wheat they like best, the recipe for making whole grain bread in the Bosch. While everyone criticizes so much of their diet, I HAVE noticed that we never see them piling on tray after tray of spongy white bread at Aldis. Instead they seem to always buy “decent” whole wheat bread from somewhere like Sam’s or Costco. In this they are far ahead of many families. Apparently many of the Duggar kids, boys included, enjoy baking this bread. That’s nice to hear.

College:

While the Duggars have always maintained it’s fine for their children to go to college, the route chosen thru an arrangement called “College Plus,” suggests otherwise. College is not a a popular option–more like an occasional necessary evil, in most ATI families. “College Plus” is mostly a re-packaging of the College Level Examination Program (CLEP) added to life experience credits. Most colleges have limits to how many credits can be earned in this way. I believe, however, thru this book, the Duggars are preparing the way for one of their children, likely one of the big girls, to go to a “real” local college to finish a nursing degree.

ATI has a program called “Verity” which even provides an “on campus” version of a College-Plus-type approach to “college.” Students go to one of the ATI centers in Indianapolis to study and then pass CLEP tests giving them a limited college-like experience of living in a dormitory and interacting with other students…..all of whom believe like them and come from families exactly like theirs. Certainly not typical of any college I’ve been associated with–including the Christian one! Still, it is an option that does lead to an accredited degree.

It’s not surprising that both College Plus and Verity stress ideas dear to the Duggars–money and “protection” from the world. College Plus”[recognizes] the potential dangers, expense, and lack of efficiency in the traditional model for higher education.” (website) “Verity helps students avoid the pitfalls of traditional college campuses such as non-Christian professors, secular humanism, and loose campus morals. (website).

Dating:

Like most ultra-conservative Christian families today, the Duggars don’t “do” dating–except after they’re married (i.e., “date night”). They prefer “Courtship”–as shown on “17 Kids and Counting” when Josh and Anna were courting. It’s a highly supervised way of getting to know each other that mostly leads to marriage. Occasionally a courtship will be broken for a spiritual reason or similar. The Duggars stress “purity” and “not giving away pieces of your heart.” They helpfully reproduce a composite list of what their four eldest daughters are looking for in possible suitors. None of it is far fetched and much of it is common sense. They just choose a much more parent-controlled approach to meeting a spouse. Which is fascinating because Jim-Bob and Michelle dated and seem to have a darned good marriage.

Kids Raising Kids:

Another place they seemed to be answering critics was child care. On TV we have seen, until the most recent season, mostly the four eldest girls running the house, cooking, taking care of the little kids. In the book, the Duggars go to great lengths to show the depth of Michelle’s involvement with her children–especially homeschooling. (Did you know Michelle once worked as a substitute teacher in their local public schools? ) I feel strongly this is an area where we have seen mostly what the editors want us to see, but I also believe the girls have to do way, way too much.

Mr. Duggar, Senior’s, funeral:

The Duggars were badly abused in the press for allowing his father to be filmed in such a fragile condition and then for allowing the preparations for his funeral, and parts of the service itself, to be shown on TV. I am among those who felt this was exploitation and nothing else. I saw the faces of his mother’s friends coming to comfort her and how angry some were at the intrusion. This was wrong and nothing Jim-Bob writes about it showing their faith can change my opinion. This was wildly insensitive to his poor mother and to the extended family. No, Jim-Bob, sorry, this is not the same as showing Josh & Anna’ s courtship and wedding. Yes, it’s a natural part of life, but there are limits. Sorry, no pass on this one!

Disappointment:

Overall, as regular viewer of their show and having read their earlier book, this new book was a major disappointment. When I saw in one episode, that Michelle was journaling about Josie’s birth and struggles, I knew a book was coming. Sadly, this is not that book! There is good stuff if you are brand new to the Duggars. But what is most glaring is what is left out: the teachings of the Advanced Training Institute and Bill Gothard. You cannot tell me that the world-wide face of ATI, the Duggar Family of Arkansas, just “takes the good” and rejects the bad in ATI. No way, no how. Yet nowhere is there the “Umbrella of Authority” or father as the only one God speaks to or any of the other things taught in the Basic and Advanced Seminars or in other materials from the organization. No where do they mention the downright goofy teachings on names and health or some of the bizarre things in the Wisdom Booklets or health bulletins. What is presented are the few, very few, things that most mainstream Christians at least can agree to.

Their attempt to shrug off their Old Testament legalism for example is dismissed this way:

“As Christians we aren’t bound by Old Testament law, but we’ve found that some of the practices laid down all those years ago by our biblical ancestors still have merit today.” (p.18)

To me this is amazingly arrogant! So, what, Jesus died so you don’t have to obey this stuff, but you think you know better??? Wow.

Are They Quiverfull?

Well, by their thinking NO. They are free to call themselves what they like, but for a family so focused on “operational definitions,” I think they need to see that they meet ALL the criteria so I stand by my post “Are Jim-Bob & Michelle Duggar Quiverfull” which leads to the very obvious answer, “YES.” So would anyone be who follows Gothard’s teachings to the letter!

The good surprises:

I was touched to hear a few of the stories they shared in the book. One of the older boys calls home to tell Mom about the El Salvador trip and how he feels God calling him to be a missionary. That’s sweet and, while I hope they asked him before they shared it, it does show us Michelle’s connection to her kids. The Duggars have given their kids a life-changing education by taking them on these trips. I for one say it’s money well spent. (For the record I also truly admire them for working to make adoption an easier and faster process in El Salvador. And, I fully support their work for charity–I do believe they are 100% sincere in this work and more families should follow their example to work for causes they believe in.)

I was almost crying reading about the prayer sessions the family held for Josie and Michelle. I can just picture all those kids tearfully praying for God to heal their mother and the new baby. No matter the reason, losing a mother is a life-altering tragedy to be prevented in most cases. The terror those kids had to have felt was very, very real when I read the story.
I laughed out loud and gave Josh an “at-a-boy” for buying up the clearance-rack Big Mouth Billy Bass toys! Read the story to find out more. The Duggars have certainly raised their kids to know how to earn a buck when they need it! That’s something very few parents can be bothered to do today. I give Jim-Bob extremely high marks for the “efficient” ways he has found to support his family. Too many of us are too scared to leave a 40-hour a week job with benefits even though the outcome is not necessarily bad at all. His example gives courage to those wanting to be with their families more and to those who feel imprisoned by “jobs.”

So to recap, they tell some interesting stories, give us information on their habits, etc., that aren’t necessarily shown on TV, try to justify some less than great choices and soft-peddle the less-mainstream ideas of Bill Gothard’s ATI and continue to model very, very close family life without discussion of whether or not their adult children do honestly choose the life they are living.

Discuss this post on the NLQ forum! Comments are also open below.

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As we stood outside the courtroom, it was clear where the lines were drawn. The divide in the room was less physical, as the space was small, but it was a mental and emotional chasm as large as the Grand Canyon. My attorney had told me to be prepared for an emotional outburst from my mother. My attorney warned me that my father might become overly warm and try to entice me to “drop this whole charade”. About my father, she was correct. As soon as we crossed the threshold from hallway to courtroom, my father turned on the charm and charisma. He held the door for me and as I passed, the jerk actually smiled. We took seats in the small gallery and by virtue of it’s lack of chairs, my father stood behind me. When my attorney went to the counsellor’s table behind the gate, my dad put his hand on my shoulder and patted it reassuringly. The judge, hearing another case, looked up just as my father did this and I thought, surely, my case was sunk. Here was this girl trying to run away from such a loving, concerned father, right? No judge would see through his gesture to the controlling message the gesture betrayed. No judge would see his smile for the manipulation it was, right? I had been trained by years of brainwashing to believe that the world would always see my father as a righteous man.

My attorney returned to the gallery area and softly confronted my father. Asking him to take his hands off me and step away. He acted hurt, but obeyed. My mother sat staring straight ahead this entire time. She didn’t look at me. My heart ached for her and my resolve started to dip. I knew that by continuing this, I was putting her in harms way. I knew she couldn’t look at me because of his orders.

The court officer called my case. For the huge change it was about to have on my life, for what was at stake, it was a short exchange. The judge said he’d read my plea and needed some clarification, but he was concerned about putting me on the stand. My father’s attorney kept saying that there was no case because there was no abuse and that I was, simply, an “ungrateful runaway” and “a teenaged girl who dramatized a good situation”. Ultimately, the judge asked if it was possible for me to speak with a court appointed mediator that day and we recessed while the attorneys and court officers worked to see if that was possible. It was. An hour later, after the Klein’s and my brother’s friends gave me pep talks and a snack outside, a frazzled woman arrived at court. We went back into the court room and the judge ordered me to go to chambers and speak with this lady alone- no council present.

She was very kind. Years later, I saw a kids television show called the Magic School Bus and Miss Frizzle reminded me of this mediator. She asked me why I had ran from home that night and made me replay the decision outloud. She asked about Adam and about my religion and the way I had been raised. She asked about my fear of my father and why I didn’t want to go home. Then she asked what my plans were. I couldn’t answer her. I didn’t know what my plan was. Honestly, beyond getting out of that relationship with Adam and getting away from a forced marriage, I didn’t have one. I told her I didn’t know what I was doing. She told me that that wasn’t good enough and I realized she was right. She said she was going to give me a moment and ask me again what my plan was. I didn’t know what to say. My mind raced and I thought this was the end- I would be sent home. She asked me what my plan was – I blurted out “I want to go to real school and I want to find out what my plan is without being told what my plan is.” She smiled and said, “good girl.” With that, we went back to the courtroom. The judge asked her to meet with my parents next. A while later, we went into the room with her together. It was just her, my parents, and I. No lawyers. This was the first time I’d sat across a table from my parents, without the Kleins or a cop, since I left and it was scary. My father was still playing nice but I could tell he was angry under the surface smile. The mediator asked if we could work it out…if there was any way I would go home. I couldn’t speak. I felt like my dad would reach across the table the moment I said anything. She asked again. I shook my head no. My mother started crying. I reached for her and my dad slapped my hand down against the table. “You have caused your mother enough harm, Ruth. Won’t you be a good girl and come home. Spare her this hurt.” I almost bought it. I can’t say what it was that made me realize I needed to leave, but something happened that told me it was okay to leave. I had to leave. I told my mom I had to go and I knew she would understand why. The mediator was glaring at my father. In his effort to appear protective of my mother, he had just slapped my hands away from her in front of a court appointed mediator! He had just validated the things I had said- he was controlling and manipulative and, if even on a small level, abusive. She asked my father to keep his hands to himself and quickly asked him what he was willing to do to get me home. My father said, I’m sure thinking that it would make him look like some great authority figure, that I would have to do “what God requires of a child- to obey and respect her parents.” The mediator asked him if any harm would come to me by returning home and he said, “Not at my hands.”, smugly.

We returned to the courtroom. I was terrified. While, in hindsight now, I can see that my father wasn’t winning at this point,- at the time- I didn’t see it. I was sure he would send me home. The Klein’s, unbeknownst to me at this point, had friends who were foster parents in the system and they know sat in the courtroom. The mediator was put on the stand and she gave her opinion. She stated that she believed I was mature enough to make the decision to leave and that I couldn’t go home. She relayed the words my father had said – “not at my hands” and said she worried about the semantics of the answer. My dad’s attorney was pouncing on her, left and right, with objections to statements and interjecting comments – to the point where the judge got annoyed. He shut the attorney down and said he needed to hear from the mediator without interuption.

To make a very long story short, the case was adjourned until the next day. The next day, only my father came to court with his attorney and my father shocked everyone by saying he would drop his argument. He would let me go. The judge said he couldn’t let my father abdicate his parental rights so easily but that we could figure something out. The rest of the day was spent figuring it out. I was a minor, but only for a few more months. Emancipating me would take longer than it would for me to turn 18. Putting me in foster care would mean, if I understood it correctly, having my father and mother deemed unfit. My parents wouldn’t have gone for that. In the end, guardianship of me was award to the Turners (friends of the Klein’s) until my eighteenth birthday, with my parents still retaining legal rights to me as a child. It was a “mutual agreement”, in the end.

I like to think that my father finally realized I needed to be set free. The reality is that I know that wasn’t it. I don’t know why he dropped the case and let me go. In the end, I don’t think it matters. I was set free and I was terrified, but I had hope. The next step was “the plan”. What was my plan? MY plan for MY life.

Discuss this post on the NLQ Forums.

The 49 Character Qualities of Ruth by RazingRuth:

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23

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Women are conditioned to be submissive to their husbands, discouraged from using birth control, and prohibited from working outside the home. Gothard-style worldview and lifestyle overburdens women, enslaves the daughters and destroys families.

Vyckie Garrison was involved with Webster ally, Bill Gothard’s teachings for 14 years; after following the fundamentalist teachings of the ‘Quiverfull’ movement, Garrison was subjected to mental abuse and told to ignore medical advice not to have more children because her job as a woman was to obey God by submitting to her husband – an act that allegedly afforded her physical and spiritual protection.

“On the surface, Bill Gothard’s wholesome message seems to promote happy family life, but in actual practice, the lifestyle perpetuates heavy burdens and unrealistic standards for women.

“Gothard’s teachings stress that safe and proper, ‘godly’ living comes from submission to authority.  A woman must submit to any and all whims of her husband, including all types of domestic abuse,” said Garrison.  ”Anyone concerned about women’s equality and empowerment should be alarmed by this religious movement.”

According to Bill Gothard, a man’s wife “has to realize that God accomplishes his ultimate will through the decisions of the husband, even when the husband is wrong.” Citing I Thessalonians 5:18 (“In every thing give thanks”), Gothard even advises a wife whose husband chastises her to say, “God, thank you for this beating.” And Gothard adds to Christ’s words from the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. But you know what you are doing through them to build character in me.” *

Gothard’s Institute for Basic Life Principles has political ambitions.  Kathryn Joyce, an expert on Christian extremism, notes in her book, “Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement,”  that the Institute of Basic Life Principles is a $63-million per year business that enumerates a series of “nonoptional” spiritual laws calling for strict authoritarian child training, including a fundamentalist condemnation of worldly modern music and toys and an ethos of unswerving obedience to one’s proper authorities in all jurisdictions of life.

On September 28, 2003 the St. Petersburg Times  reported: “”What he has said I believe to be the truth,” Dan Webster said of Gothard in 1987.

“I have personal experience as a woman who has lived under the rule of such religious extremism and I know it is a threat to women and families if a person who subscribes to these principles is elected to Congress,” said Garrison.

*Time Magazine, May 20, 1974

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I was taken back to the station. Officer Barney* and Officer Crouch* (*obviously pseudonyms) spoke to me very little on the way to the station, but the questions they did ask were sympathetic. They wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing – as a minor (technically), I was a runaway. It didn’t matter that I was several weeks shy of 18, I was a minor. They made sure I understood that there was a very good chance I would be sent home with my parents anyway. I understood. I had just come too far to turn back now.

We got to the station and they led me into a room. I’d only been in there a few minutes when Officer Barney came in with the attorney the Kline’s had found for me. Attorney Dana* said she’d called protective services and pulled some strings but that, unless I could prove the engagement and that it was against my will, I would likely have to go home to my parents. I’d have to emancipate myself if I couldn’t prove their was abuse and that process was likely to take longer than my turning 18. Proving the engagement was pretty easy. I had a ring. When I got to the Kline’s, I’d taken it off my finger and tossed it into my bag. Since my possessions were taken from me when we entered the station, the ring was retrieved and catalogued as “evidence”. Then there was my journal. The journal I kept could be used as evidence. The problem was that I had left it behind. The only way to get it would be through my parents and you can imagine how asking for it might not work out. We decided to call my brother and see if he could get to our house and get it under the auspices of getting me some “modest clothing”. It worked. We got my journal.

Skipping ahead a few hours, when my brother arrived at the station with the journal, my attorney decided to have my brother call Adam. Adam knew I’d ran and as soon as my brother started speaking, he launched into a verbal tirade and demanded to speak to me. He made the mistake of yelling, loud enough for us all to hear, that I was “his property” and that if I didn’t start “behaving as a righteous wife should” I would be “sorry”. He also added that it was my “duty to submit to him in all ways a wife should”. At this, the attitude in the room changed. As soon as my brother hung up, the cops started looking for reasons to keep me from going home. The answer had been staring us in the face the whole time – Adam was not a minor. Adam was an adult who had just referred to a minor as “property”, with the expectation of submission and the suggestion of abuse. My lawyer asked for an immediate sitting with the presiding judge. It was granted (small municipalities do have their advantages). It was scheduled for the next day and, after being apprised of the situation by their own attorney, through my attorney, they (my parents) agreed to let me go home with my brother and to not contacting me until after the hearing.

I didn’t sleep much that night. I couldn’t help but fear for everyone who had helped me get as far as I’d got. I also feared that everyone who had helped me would see that I wasn’t worth it and that I should just go home. It’s hard to be rational at times like those and my upbringing didn’t raise me to feel worthy of help. I knew that, in the morning, I would see my parents,…see my mom and maybe my siblings and I wasn’t sure if I could handle that. I had this idea in my head that I was still in this alone.

The next day, I was stunned when I approached the courtroom and saw a crowd of people. In attendance were the Klines, the two cops who had first reponded to the Kline’s, Officers Barney and Crouch, a social worker, and two friends of my brother’s who knew Adam. My parents were there as well, with their attorney.

Discuss this post on the NLQ forum!

The 49 Character Qualities of Ruth by RazingRuth:

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23

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by

So, there I was, pre-engaged. Betrothed. I refused to say “engaged” because that would suggest I was a party to the act. Nothing could be farther from the truth. When I should’ve been praying to ask God to make my heart right with these decisions being made for me, I was asking God to get me out and show me a way to avoid it all.

My goal was to graduate high school. When I told my mother that, she made sure my home school curriculum was first priority – just to get it out of the way and give me less of an excuse. When I told my mom I didn’t like the boy ‘that way’ – she thought she’d help me by having me spend time with his family. When that didn’t work – I was sent away. I was sent to work in the offices of the movement. During that time, all ties were cut for me. I was only allowed to get one letter a week from my “betrothed” and one phone call from my parents. Both of these were pre-read and listened to. I was kept, doing church related tasks, busy for three months.

When I had been beated down (emotionally and spiritually), I was allowed to go home. The very next day, my dad invited Adam to come help with a project we were doing. He was bringing another brother as a chaperone. I knew the question was coming and the question was going to be the catalyst to change in my life.

I was right.

Adam came into our home and went straight to the backyard to discuss something with my father. I tried to look small and invisible. After dinner, Adam publicly asked my father if two of my siblings would accompany us on a walk. We walked down the street until we got to a fence gate. At the gate, Aaron dropped on one knee and read me a scripture passage. He pulled a small box from his coat and presented me with a diamond ring.

The world started swimming. I have never felt more claustrophobic in my life. My sister stepped up to hold my shaking hand as he put the ring on – because I hadn’t verbally agreed to anything. Somehow or another, we ended up back in the house and a party was being amped up. Dad was taking photos and Mom was calling friends to tell them to save a date for a wedding. All this and I haven’t said yes. I went to the bathroom and tried to hide, but Adam used our lockless doors against us and he forced my sister in through the door to tell me to return to the party. Inside I was screaming that I hadn’t agreed to be his wife and yet there were dates being tossed around.

People were planning a wedding around me. The wedding was a go and the bride was a no. I was in a daze but through the daze I knew that it was time for me to leave. After the hubbub died down, and people were leaving, Adam took me outside by the hand for a “talk”. During the talk, I tried bargaining. I told him I might marry him if he would be okay with my staying in school and going for an advanced education. He was visibly uncomfortable. He said that he thought I was in line with the teachings of our fathers and God’s commandment for us. I told him I might be, I wasn’t sure, and that I needed time to seek out an answer. I also told him that IF we got married, I would NEED to have something that was just mine in our life (a job, a hobby, or the ability to further my education). I thought, maybe for a moment, that he was thinking about what I’d said because he got quiet. I wrongfully thought that meant he was considering some of what I said. Well, maybe he was, but not in the way I thought.

He grabbed my arm forcibly and said, “YOU is no longer YOU. YOUR WORLD IS ME NOW.” He quoted scripture at me and jammed my hands into my chest. He told me to get right with the Lord and see him for the prize he was. He had a house for us. He had a job. He was next in line for a political fortune (supposedly) and I “could have it all” just by marrying him and “Learning to love him.” I just cried – what else could I do? As I was trying to walk away, he spun me around by jerking my arm and pinned me to the fence. I won’t repeat what he said, but he grabbed my rear-end and said, “Yummmm…Ruth. Don’t lose any weight between now and the wedding.”

I went to my mother and told her what had went down outside. She insisted I must’ve misunderstood and went to get my dad. My dad was ambivalent. He insisted that I had misunderstood and then suggested that every woman enjoys it when a man pays you a sexual compliment.

That night – after everyone had gone to bed– I started grabbing clothes. I had no idea where I was going or what it even meant to get out of the family but something told me I had to go. I prayed to God to give me a sign to go. An hour later, I noticed a light go on at the neighbor’s house across the field. I wasn’t thinking very far ahead – I had just asked God to give me a place to run – a sign to go – anything. The light. I ran across the field with only what I could carry.

Discuss this post on the NLQ forum!

The 49 Character Qualities of Ruth by RazingRuth:

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23

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'Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment' by Janet Heimlich

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This post examines the Duggars’ own lives within the paradigm they themselves endorse. Given that we only see what our televisions allow us to-- does what we can see, reflect the image held up to us? And if it does not, how can we be sure about what we can‘t see?

No one expects the Duggars to be perfect. But that is not the question. The real question is: are they really showing us the best, most godly way to live-- or are we recipients of some level of what might be called “false advertising?” Please read "Duggar Bashing" for Vyckie's perspective on this Report Card..]

All of Bill Gothard’s 49 Character Qualities can be viewed online here.

by Hopewell

Alertness vs. Unawareness

Being aware of that which is taking place around me so I can have the right response to it (Mark 14:38)

Parents Jim-Bob and Michelle often seem oblivious to all that’s going on around them! Not to mention their apparent total disregard for OSHA regulations in building their home, it’s been quite a few years [on TV at least] since a bike helmet has been spotted and the girls continue to run things like an saw for cutting tile in loose dresses with unsecured long hair. Negative marks to Josh for only showing alertness of greed on the birth of his daughter and opting to have his wife deliver at home instead of overriding her panic at a new doctor. Sorry, but that seems more like “oh no, we’ll lose ratings for not showing the birth!” than any real concern for Anna and the baby. Kuddos, though, to Josh and John David for being alert to a roadside accident victim and performing lifesaving assistance. A big improvement in alertness to little Josie since her near-death experience when first home.

Grade for the Family D+

Attentiveness vs. Unconcern

Showing the worth of a person by giving undivided attention to his words and emotions (Hebrews 2:1)

Jim-Bob and Michelle model this perfectly for their children. Michelle’s rapt gaze as Jim-Bob speaks encourages her husband and shows him that what he is saying matters to her. As is typical of younger people, Josh and Anna struggle with this one more—especially Joshua who is likely used to being the oldest and shouting the loudest. He has gotten better at this over his first year, almost two years, of marriage.

Cousin Amy struggles with this. Grandma has it down to a “t” and the four oldest girls are coming along fine.

GRADE for the family: B+

Availability vs. Self-centeredness

Making my own schedule and priorities secondary to the wishes of those I am serving (Philippians 2:20–21)

The Duggars teach their children “J.O.Y: Jesus First, Others Second, Yourself Last.” And, surprisingly, they do a decent job of this. We’ve seen the girls make middle-of-the-night breakfast for Dad on his way to the hospital with Mama, Grandma tirelessly manning the single washer and dryer in the Little Rock house, Grandma cleaning and watching kids whenever needed, John David helping at Josh’s car lot,  John David and Joseph staying  behind to continue working on the Bates’ home, the older girls helping at everything all the time, Josiah picking flowers for Grandma and the girls, kids making cards and banners, even Cousin Amy pitching in to help with the little kids. Michelle loses some points here for not seeming to respond much to her little children’s needs for love and affection. (This could be the editing of the show, but seems likely to be more than that).

Grade for the family: A-

Boldness vs. Fearfulness

Confidence that what I have to say or do is true and right and just in the sight of God (Acts 4:29)

Although it’s to be expected that toddlers may be frightened of new experiences, Jennifer really took fearfulness to extremes for a while! Ditto Jed and Jinger who are afraid of heights. Anna’s over-protectiveness [rational in a first pregnancy, but unwarranted] in not driving a go-cart when only other supposedly caring family members were present was also a tad silly. Michelle not wanting to fall roller skating is a little more understandable, but she showed commendable boldness by conquering her fear and skating like the pro she once nearly was. Jim-Bob’s boldness in eating the bug, the family’s restrained boldness in trying Ethopian food, the subway and being open to new experiences gained them points. Certainly letting kids work on house construction with power tools, long untied hair and long skirts was dangerous, but bold. The Bates earned extra points for the family by offering a ride on their bucking mini-stallion and for their homemade hovercraft ride!

Grade for the Family: B

Cautiousness vs. Rashness

Knowing how important right timing is in accomplishing right actions (Proverbs 19:2)

This definition seems a bit “off” to me. I suppose Jim-Bob’s early business failures would show “rashness” in this sense. In their book he details why those endeavors failed– he did not stop to wait upon the Lord, pray and receive an answer. To most viewers it would appear way, way less than cautious to leave family planning “up to God.” Homeschooling in the family seems to be lacking “cautiousness” in that it seems to be worked in around “everything else” rather than “everything else” being worked in around homeschooling.

Grade for the Family C

Compassion vs. Indifference

Investing whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others (I John 3:17)

The Duggars are a compassionate family. While their high-profile in ATI means they will likely never actually adopt a child, they have made repeated trips [beginning before the TV show] to El Salvador to help the poor and to help at a program for children and orphans, they allowed Jana and John David to go on a missionary trip to South East Asia to benefit orphans and other children, Jim-Bob takes fatherless friends along on Father/Daughter trips, they include Cousin Amy regardless of her wardrobe or opinions, they’ve raised money for the hospital that cared for Josie, run in a mini-marathon for charity, served in a soup kitchen and countless other non-televised acts of compassion. To top it off, Josh and John David used their ALERT cadet emergency response training to save a life.

Grade for the Family: A+

Contentment vs. Covetousness

Realizing that God has provided everything I need for my present happiness (I Timothy 6:8)

While cynics may debate this one for Jim-Bob, the family has shown since the beginning of Jim-Bob and Michelle’s marriage, that the couple has found contentment in their “present reality”—delaying gratification of most material wants until they could be had debt-free. While all young people make mistakes along the way, the Duggars have been very up-front and honest (in their book) about the places GREED got in their way and how they were humbled by short-sighted, money-seeking business ventures. They have brought their children up to be content with their “buy used, save the difference” approach to material goods, while not skimping on what really matters: family time together.

Grade for the family: B+

Creativity vs. Underachievement

Approaching a need, a task, an idea from a new perspective (Romans 12:2)

Certainly Jim-Bob gets an A in this for supporting his family. Early on he saw that a regular job would take him away from his family way, way more than he desired. He and Michelle were very creative in dealing with fluctuating income over the years. Michelle has also researched and used or even created unique solutions to problems in managing such a large family—such as one color of socks ONLY for boys and one color ONLY for girls (at least in the old days). Their “family closet” and her “moving” system are others that she researched and adopted.

Grade for the family: B

Decisiveness vs. Double-mindedness

The ability to finalize difficult decisions based on the will and ways of God (James 1:5)

Jim-Bob’s early business failures and most important of all, the miscarriage that he and Michelle believe they “caused” by having her take birth control pills have led them to steadfastly take every difficult decision after much prayer and reflection.

Grade for the Family: A-

Deference vs. Rudeness

Limiting my freedom in order not offend the tastes of those whom God has called me to serve (Romans 14:21)

Aside from cultural gaffes in El Salvador, waving money to get a taxi and very guarded language by Jim-Bob, the family seems to muddle thru on this one. They do not say that everyone should dress as they do, although they may think that. They say TV is not something for their family but do not work to have all families give up TV. They have taken a stand on the sale of alcohol near their home that upset people. They have, in the past, protested at abortion rallys and, in their book, detail how they took a huge hit financially when they decided to end tobacco sales at their mini-mart. All of these, of course, they are free to do as Americans. They do not engage in “hate” speech, display hate-associated emblems or anything overt like that. Their membership in ATI however does send a “message” to anyone familiar with the group.

Grade for the Family: C-

Dependability vs. Inconsistency

Fulfilling what I consented to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice (Psalm 15:4)

Except for keeping time, the Duggars ARE dependable!

Grade for the Family: A

Determination vs. Faintheartedness

Purposing to accomplish God’s goals in God’s time regardless of the opposition (II Timothy 4:7–8)

Clearly living their life in their way is something they have “purposed” to accomplish in God’s time regardless of the opposition! How much easier to have stopped at 3 kids and both parents continue to sell real estate and live a “normal” suburban life. They set out to achieve the vision of a God-honoring family and, by their definition, they have achieved that.

Grade for the Family: A

Diligence vs. Slothfulness

Visualizing each task as a special assignment from the Lord and using all my energies to accomplish it (Colossians 3:23)

A family that spends nearly three years building their own house is nothing if not diligent! They have expressed many times that they feel being on TV is a way of serving in the mission field for God

Grade for the Family: A

Discernment vs. Judgment

The God-given ability to understand why things happen (I Samuel 16:7)

The Duggars do not always understand things the way non-ATI members do. For example, they view dating as unhealthy leading to a diminished capacity to love your eventual spouse. In dating you “give away pieces of your heart.” They view adulthood as something that begins with a parent-approved marriage and at no other time. Until then, they believe that children must remain at home under their father’s “authority.” They believe that allowing Michelle to take birth control pills “caused” her miscarriage. They believe rock and roll music and dancing are bad because they cause a person to “lose control of themselves” (as Josiah has explained on TV). They allow very little TV or other media in their home due to worldly influences and encouragement of impure thoughts. They see it as a woman’s responsibility to dress modestly to avoid “defrauding” a man a “causing” him to have sinful thoughts. These are some of the many examples of off-the-main-line thought in the Duggar household.

Grade for the Family: D

Discretion vs. Simplemindedness

The ability to avoid words, actions, and attitudes which could result in undesirable consequences (Proverbs 22:3)

The children from Josiah upwards have definitely mastered this. They stay “on message” when interviewed about tricky topics like purity, defrauding, courtship, siblings as friend, tolerance, etc. The parents are overly discreet in keeping information “from the world” away from their children.

Grade for the Family: C-

Endurance vs. Giving up

The inward strength to withstand stress to accomplish God’s best (Galatians 6:9)

Jim-Bob and Michelle have never given up on their dreams—either economic or in how they want their family to live [whether anyone agrees with their dream or not].

Grade for the Family: A

Enthusiasm vs. Apathy

Expressing with my soul the joy of my spirit (I Thessalonians 5:16,19)

With so many teenagers it’s unlikely that apathy and attitude could be 100% squelched. As in a few other things, this could be “enhanced” by creative editing.  On the whole, some snarky looks and eye-rolling aside, the family seems to be pretty positive about life.

Grade for the Family: A-

Faith vs. Presumption

Visualizing what God intends to do in a given situation and acting in harmony with it (Hebrews 11:1)

No question the Duggars live their faith in the way they see it. They were visibly shaken by Josie’s birth, but went ahead with the life-saving early c-section even though Josie’s chances of survival were poor. They have held on to their faith thru other, slightly less dramatic incidents—other necessary c-sections, the one for John and Jana also necessitated by preeclampsia, but further into the pregnancy. They have shown faith in God’s provision in building their home and in the challenging hunt for a landlord to rent to them when they had 14 children. They truly believe God provides.

Grade for the Family: A

Flexibility vs. Resistance

Not setting my affections on ideas or plans which could be changed by God or others (Colossians 3:2)

Like most parents, Jim-Bob and Michelle have had to let go of some of the small stuff as more and more of their children have reached the teenage years. While holding to their core beliefs on modesty, courtship, authority have not changed, they have allowed significant liberalization in their children’s dress. Both boys and girls have been seen wearing t-shirts, the girls dress in far trendier, yet still very modest styles, and the boys no longer wear the same polo shirt, tucked in with a belt. Recently, as extras in a Christian film, some of the younger boys were allowed to wear long shorts. The younger girls sport trendy leggings instead of embarrassing “Little House on the Prairie-“style bloomers.

Hearing one of the girls play a Contemporary Christian Worship song on the piano, having very rhythmic bluegrass music played, allowing John David to play an [unamplified] electric guitar and attending an integrated Church with rock-ish music and lots of movement are among the many signs of flexibility without compromising their true beliefs.

Grade for the Family: A-

Forgiveness vs. Rejection

Clearing the record of those who have wronged me and allowing God to love them through me (Ephesians 4:32)

Jim-Bob’s sister was a single-Mom and Michelle’s sister is gay, yet both are included at least to some extent in their lives. Jim-Bob’s sister is often on the show and her daughter Amy has been included in nearly every family outing and event since birth. Jim-Bob also relates in their book the story of him being attacked, tied and gagged by a would-be car buyer and persuading them not to hurt Michelle who was pregnant and asleep in another room. He later went to the jail and delivered a Bible to his attacker (Duggars, p. 59—66).

Grade for the Family: C

Generosity vs. Stinginess

Realizing that all I have belongs to God and using it for His purposes (II Corinthians 9:6)

The Duggars [ok, yes, AND TLC and OTHERS] are VERY generous. The amount of labor alone donated by Jim-Bob, Josh, John David, and Joseph [the last two stayed on much longer to help] in building the Bates home is an amazing gift—and yes, it is the kind of thing they would do with no cameras around. The money they spend going to El Salvador on gifts, etc, is tremendous. They have supported a missionary there since before their TV show started featuring the trips. They have opened their home to both Michelle and Jim-Bob’s dying fathers—although only Jim-Bob’s Dad was filmed (Duggars, p. 219).

Grade for the Family: A+

Gentleness vs. Harshness

Showing personal care and concern in meeting the need of others (I Thessalonians 2:7)

The little kids are often way less than “gentle” in their treatment of each other! Michelle often seems “distant” or “cold” to the children, but not necessarily “harsh.” Jim-Bob is openly affectionate with his children and seems to care deeply about them. Michelle seems to care, but often seems “anesthetized” or “far off” in some way. Grandma is quiet and efficient.

Grade for the Family: C

Gratefulness vs. Unthankfulness

Making known to God and others in what ways they have benefited my life (I Corinthians 4:7)

The Duggars acknowledge God’s blessing in all their success. In their book they express praise for products, people, services that have blessed their lives.

Grade for the Family: A

Hospitality vs. Loneliness

Cheerfully sharing food, shelter, and spiritual refreshment with those whom God brings into my life (Hebrews 13:2)

The Duggars built their 7,000 square foot dream home with a vision of not only their daily family life, but of home church service, hosting seminars and other business meetings and of welcoming friends to stay. Not only the Bates family, who have appeared in several episodes, but a variety of other ATI families have visited and enjoyed the Duggar’s hospitality. While obviously, it is good business to do so, the Duggars are very generous in welcoming numerous film crews each year from around the world. They seem to genuinely enjoy entertaining friends and family.

Grade for the Family: A

Humility vs. Pride

Recognizing that it is actually God and others who are responsible for the achievements in my life (James 4:6)

One man may see another’s pride as conceit, humbleness as fake. This one is harder to grade. On the one hand it does not seem very “humble” to put yourself into a reality show. On the other if their motives in using their TV show as a misson, as a way of living the Great Commission, then it possibly is humble. Sadly, for a family who watches “very little TV” and belongs to a group that overall condemns television viewing, this is a bit ….odd…. (Still, they may at least find converts to no TV, if not to the Gothard way of life.)

Jim-Bob, as the head of the family, would have to take the blame here.

Jim-Bob, aka “Smugger” Duggar on the Television Without Pity Discussion Boards and son Joshua, aka “Smugger Jr” seem the least humble on screen. John David and, for the most part, each of the older girls [occasional lapses appropriate to their age] seem to be much more humble than Daddy and big brother. Certainly the children have been humbled by their missionary trips to El Salvador, and South East Asia,  by serving in a homeless shelter and by the fragility of baby sister Josie. Michelle and Jim-Bob do earn points for TRYING to teach their children to have humility and by giving them appropriate experiences to show them how blessed there are economically.

Grade for the Family: C-

Initiative vs. Unresponsiveness

Recognizing and doing what needs to be done before I am asked to do it (Romans 12:21)

Not many men would order a giant “tinker-toy set” [as Jim-Bob and Michelle have called it] and taken the initiative to build a 7,000 square foot home out of it! Jim-Bob hired experts when necessary for  a task or to teach him to do something and spent almost 3 years with mostly sons Josh and John David as help, building their home. Yes, the received help to finish it, but in time they would have finished it on their own—probably living amid the mess of construction like the Bates family has. Jim-Bob also had a dream of how he wanted to live with his family and, with no higher education, found ways to efficiently and adequately support his growing family in a way that let him be with them the majority of the time.

Grade for the Family: A

Joyfulness vs. Self-pity

The spontaneous enthusiasm of my spirit when my soul is in fellowship with the Lord (Psalm 16:11)

“Joyful” is an odd word to many of us not in the ATI-world. It conjures up Christmas Carols or or an Easter Church service. The Duggars have never shown self-pity—not even when faced with Josie’s birth and near-death condition.

Grade for the Family: A

Justice vs. Fairness

Personal responsibility to God’s unchanging laws (Micah 6:8)

Going by the definition here—again a little out-of-the norm—the Duggars seem to do fine in keeping the 10 Commandments although they may cause viewers to  “stumble”  and sin by coveting their huge house, tour bus or income stream.

Grade for the Family: B+

Love vs. Selfishness

Giving to others’ basic needs without having as my motive personal reward (I Corinthians 13:3)

The Duggars love and provide for the children. The train them up in the way they believe God wants them to go. They are generous to others.

Grade for the Family: A

Loyalty vs. Unfaithfulness

Using difficult times to demonstrate my commitment to God and to those whom He has called me to serve (John 15:13)

While the Duggars have had an obvious falling out with their former good friends the Holts who were shown in some of their early TV specials it does not seem that they have spoken out about them or the break.

Grade for the Family: A

Meekness vs. Anger

Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God (Psalm 62:5)

Another odd definition—not what we generally see “meekness” as meaning.  This appears to be what the older girls do each day in giving up their own desires to serve their family.

Grade for the Family: A

Obedience vs. Willfulness

Freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely appointed authority (II Corinthians 10:5)

Possibly the strangest definition in the list! The Duggars talk at great length about training their children to obey willingly, immediately and joyfully. With the exception of toddlers who are still learning and of James, who appears to be ADD or ADHD (but that could be the editing) and an occasional snarky teenage look, the Duggars seem to be very obedient in every way.

Grade for the Family: A

Orderliness vs. Disorganization

Preparing myself and my surroundings so I will achieve the greatest efficiency (I Corinthians 14:40)

Michelle has faced organizational challenges head-on over the years as her family grew. She credits Steve and Teri Maxwell’s Managers of Their Homes scheduling system  for helping them have a goal each day—a huge help in organizing the chaos of so many kids!

As soon as the children are old enough they are assigned “jurisdictions” [aka chores]. From as young as 11 the older Duggar girls have been responsible for ALL of the family’s laundry, cooking lunch (and not many years later dinner, too) and for numerous other tasks. With so many children the Duggars employ what they call the “buddy system” where an older child helps one or two little ones with their daily tasks like dressing, bed making etc. Today the oldest Duggar girls do nearly everything in the home including a large part of the homeschooling as well as the earliest music lessons—even organizing some of the youngest kids into a hand bell choir.

Their home was designed specifically for their family and their needs.  Two kitchens, an 8 machine laundry room, indoor climbing wall and playground, 9 bathrooms, a built in wet/dry vacuum system, a garage bay-sized pantry and a bedroom-sized family clothes “closet” are among the special helps in this house. The older girls having packing for a family road trip down to an art.

Grade for the Family: A+

Patience vs. Restlessness

Accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to remove it (Romans 5:3–4)

After the miscarriage and Jim-Bob’s early business failures, the couple learned to trust God in all things.

Grade for the Family: A+

Persuasiveness vs. Contentiousness

Guiding vital truths around another’s mental roadblocks (II Timothy 2:24)

Jim-Bob is a master salesman, but even he struggles to sell their lifestyle and earn converts. While many admire their debt-free life, few are willing to put up with the sacrifices that got the Duggars to that state. Many couples, too, would like to trust God to plan their families, but wonder if it isn’t really a case of poor stewardship or if things like Josie’s emergency birth aren’t God’s way of saying “enough.”

Grade for the Family: D

Punctuality vs. Tardiness

Showing high esteem for other people and their time (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Viewers of the show are very familiar with the phrase “Duggar time” Josh’s self-righteous attitude that the doctor can probably wait a few minutes, expressed, as he was deliberately late for his wife’s first pre-natal check-up rates an “F” all on it’s own. Jim-Bob also seems to have a casual disregard for other’s time evidenced by scurrying around packing at the last minute.  The entire family does not seem to believe in alarm clocks and prides themselves on not being “morning people.” While it is undeniably more challenging to get such a HUGE family out the door, maturity on the part of the parents in getting everyone up and going way early would make a huge difference.

Grade for the Family: F

Resourcefulness vs. Wastefulness

Wise use of that which others would normally overlook or discard (Luke 16:10)

The Duggars are right—they do use up lots of things others throw out. They buy used clothing, shoes, cars, equipment.  They are good stewards of the money they make.

However, as has been pointed out Debt Free Duggars Part I & Part II they are also incredibly wasteful! The eat their meals off paper plates, drink out of disposable cups, use reams of paper towels, aerosol hairspray and cleaners, use disposable diapers, dry all their clothes in the dryers in their family laundry mat, and drive a bus that gets under 10 miles per gallon of fuel. They grow little or none of their food, buy over-priced (for the nutrition) convenience food in tremendous amounts of packaging which goes straight from their family dumpster to the landfill with all those diapers and live in a house that even for their size family is excessive [if desirable].

Grade for the Family D+

Responsibility vs. Unreliability

Knowing and doing what both God and others are expecting from me (Romans 14:12)

Aside from keeping people waiting, the Duggars are very reliable. But DOES God really expect them to birth as many children as possible—not even using abstinence or natural family planning to limit their family size. According to the definition and their beliefs, the Duggars are doing well.

Grade for the Family: B

Reverence vs. Disrespect

Awareness of how God is working through the people and events in my life to produce the character of Christ in me (Proverbs 23:17–18)

Jim-Bob picked their Little Rock Church after seeing a father from that church lead his family in prayer at the hospital where Josie was being treated. That “spoke” to him and in spite of differences in worship style, he accepted the man’s invitation to worship there.  In spite of Bill Gothatrd’s ATI teaching skepticism of doctors, Jim-Bob and Michelle have followed God’s leading and gone to doctors as needed. They have agreed, after prayer, to life-saving c-sections, have taken their last two babies back to the ER when necessary and have even put braces on many of the kids’ teeth. Other ATI families may have not “heard” God in this way, but would have stuck to Bill Gothard’s teachings.

Grade for the Family: A

Security vs. Anxiety

Structuring my life around that which is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away (John 6:27)

By this definition, the Duggars are a challenge. While they put faith in God first at all times, they obviously have also stored up treasures on earth.

Grade for the Family: C

Self-Control vs. Self-indulgence

Instant obedience to the initial promptings of God’s Spirit (Galatians 5:24–25)

Jim-Bob’s self-control often seems cold and calculated—like if the cameras were off he’d explode. The Duggars talk at great length about training their children to obey and be self-controlled but what we usually see [albeit after creative editing] are little kids running around like a pack of rabid dogs, Mom’s instructions being ignored [but sister’s obeyed].  Giving a generous allowance for the editing that DOES probably make this look much worse than it normally would be, there is still room for improvement.

Grade for the Family: C+

Sensitivity vs. Callousness

Exercising my senses so I can perceive the true spirit and emotions of those around me (Romans 12:15)

The Duggars, especially Jim-Bob, use “careful” language to avoid stepping into a politically correct land mind. They refer to San Francisco as “the most liberal” city in the world, but do not mention much, if anything, about why it so liberal. Michelle memorably taught the children about Saint Patrick with no reference to Catholicism and appeared to think that “Saint” was his first name and “Patrick” his last name. No need for a pesky discussion of other faiths. One of the older girls memorably explained that they “accept” cousin Amy in spite of her penchant for attention seeking, her dating with no thought to marriage, her way of dressing or the music she listens to. The language used was a model of “careful speech” and appeared carefully rehearsed.

As parents Michelle and Jim-Bob are almost cluelessly insensitive to their growing children’s needs for privacy, for developing a unique personal identity aside from their “number” in the “Duggar line up” (as Michelle calls it) and for creating a life of his or her own as an independent adult. Michelle also seems terribly insensitive to her little one’s need for love and physical affection—for comfort and security. While this may be due to editing, it seems much more likely that the little ones, who often cry for big sister Jill or another of the older girls, see their sibling as the one most responsive to their needs.

Grade for Family: D+

Sincerity vs. Hypocrisy

Eagerness to do what is right with transparent motives (I Peter 1:22)

Aside from Jim-Bob who seems to have very transparent motives to increase his bank account, the family does seem to be sincere. Many of the children are too young to express such thoughts so that does make it harder to give a grade to them. The older children are well prepared with approved “talking points” and do tend to stay “on message.” In spite of this, the Duggars do seem to be sincere—just misguided.

Grade for the Family: C-

Thoroughness vs. Incompleteness

Knowing what factors will diminish the effectiveness of my work or words if neglected (Proverbs 18:15)

This is a tough one to grade since we aren’t often shown much that illustrates this. Household tasks seem to be done to a “normal” standard. Jim-Bob has certainly not been thorough in checking out his vehicles before leaving on big road trips.

Homeschooling, at least until the children are old enough for the Switched on Schoolhouse online curriculum seems “haphazard” at best, but as Michelle says, “somehow they DO learn.” Again, this could be the victim of creative editing.

Telling the world that you raise your children to be self-controlled and that you carefully explain your expectations so they can behave accordingly and then showing the world “whirling Dervish” children does not seem to be the result of “thorough” training. (Likely, this really does suffer in the editing of the show.)

Joshua’s decision to allow Anna to homebirth after she supposedly prepared for a hospital birth does not show either “wisdom” or “thoroughness” in preparation by him as the father and husband. The older girls are, however, extremely thorough in packing and preparing for trips and know their younger siblings needs, quirks and fears very, very thoroughly—as thoroughly as usually only a mother or full-time live-in nanny would know a child.

Grade for the Family: C-

Thriftiness vs. Extravagance

Not letting myself or others spend that which is not necessary (Luke 16:11)

Jim-Bob is a master deal-maker. He bought the commercial kitchen equipment at about a 90% savings, made a real estate deal that netted about $200,000 in profit. Unquestionably, letting TLC help finish the house and furnishing it was a VERY thrifty deal. As was mentioned in Debt Free Duggars Part I, Jim-Bob also has an eye for buying and re-selling. He bought equipment he needed to build the house and resold it at a profit. No question he CAN support his family when he has to. In a business sense, the TV deal was a savvy, efficient way to support his family and give them experiences that he could not necessarily pay for without a lot of planning and saving.

As the years have gone on, the Duggars do appear to shop more frequently from department store or discount store clearance racks and less at thrift stores, but again, with that many teenagers compromise would have to come into play on clothing in some way. But, while the bus IS very practical for travel and for control over family life and sanity, it is a huge expense to keep it fueled. A skilled negotiator such as Jim-Bob should be able to get better travel deals for his family than that.  Not gardening, paper diapers, paper plates, excessive house, no clothes lines and all that convenience food also seems extravagant.

Most extravagant of all though is expecting their children to be successful without a college education—without even allowing them, apparently, to truly consider careers that require college. While Jim-Bob IS a model of supporting a family without college, it is not realistic to think that ALL his children are similarly talented—after all his own father was described as being able to “sell ice to Eskimos” but could not hang on to money.

Grade for the Family: C-

Tolerance vs. Prejudice

Acceptance of others as unique expressions of specific character qualities in varying degrees of maturity (Philippians 2:2)

The Duggars belong and wholeheartedly endorse a group that is not well integrated racially, has a few single mothers [mostly widows] and does not promote any idea of equality for women. Typical of many rural areas they do not have many African America or Asian friends because the area is largely white.

However, in Little Rock they demonstrated openness and tolerance by attending a well-integrated Church with a different style of worship than that endorsed by Bill Gothard. The African Americans who have been shown on the show were treated respectfully. Jim-Bob’s cultural gaffes in El Salvador are certainly not a-typical of American tourists most of whom do not experience their gaffes and cultural insensitivity being broadcast world-wide.

Since the family chooses to live a fairly isolated life socially, drawing friends mostly from like-minded families and since both parents come from a rural and largely uneducated background this is not necessarily intolerance as much as ignorance. This is an area where the older children stick to the family “talking points” so it’s impossible to gage what they really think.

Grade for the Family: D

Truthfulness vs. Deception

Earning future trust by accurately reporting past facts (Ephesians 4:25)

This one is debatable. Due to the likelihood of confidentiality agreements [possibly with his own adult children] we may never know if there is any hidden “abuse” in the Duggar home. While many feel the deplorable diet, denied access to higher education, lack of freedom to date or even to have friends outside the Church/Family/ATI circle, lack of privacy and an almost total lack of freedom for the older girls who live in a state of virtual indentured servitude would constitute enough to call CPS the reality is this is undesireable, but there is no evidence of abuse.

Certainly we have seen flashes of extreme coldness/anger in Jim-Bob’s eyes when some of the little boys were dancing to the music of a toy in a baby store and (more understandable) when handed a wet camera bag, but that alone does not mean any child has been abused. While Michelle Duggar, until it was repeatedly commented on in online discussion forums, seems oddly distant from her children and rather robotic in her displays of affection in more recent episodes, it is obvious that at least for many years she did cook, do laundry, change diapers and even help earn a living. I think the Duggars WERE scared out of their wits by Josie’s birth and Michelle’s staying behind with Josie was both sincere and “better safe than sorry” if something had happened from taking the baby all the way home too soon [as nearly did] or on the road with the rest of the family.

Grade for Family: C

Virtue vs. Impurity

The moral excellence and purity of spirit that radiate from my life as I obey God’s Word (II Peter 1:3)

The purity rings, endless discussion of “defrauding” and “pieces of your heart,” the strange side hugging, the nonstop discussion of waiting till marriage for sex, the ridiculously awkward and obviously staged “man-to-man talk between Jim-Bob and Josh about the “facts of life” were/are annoying enough. We get it. Don’t date, get married to the one God [for guys] or Daddy [for girls] approves. The utterly IMPURE thing comes from the married Duggars—the seemingly mandatory two on screen kisses per episode by Jim-Bob and Michelle and, if shown, at least one for Josh and Anna [who’s UTTERLY impure hand-hold truly did constitute pre-marital sex for it’s odd intensity].

Grade for the Family: D 

Wisdom vs. Natural Inclinations

Seeing and responding to life’s situations from God’s frame of reference (Proverbs 9:10)

The Duggars talk a lot about “wisdom”—Josh memorably brings this up in the episode with Michelle’s family reunion. How much “wisdom” is to be had in keeping young adults under their parents’ total control is up for debate.  How much “wisdom” is involved in allowing your family to be in a reality show is also up for debate. Ditto no college for almost anyone. To anyone outside ATI/IBLP these do not appear to be “wise” decisions.

Grade for Family: D-

Discuss this post on the NLQ forum!  Comments are also open below.

More from Hopewell:

A FULL QUIVER OF INFORMATION [my information only site]
Personal Blog

Read all posts by Hopewell!

NLQ Recommends ...

'Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment' by Janet Heimlich

‘Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

‘Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

by Hopewell

Viewers of the earliest Duggar TLC Specials [14 Children and Pregnant Again, 16 Kids and Moving In, etc] know that the Duggars have not always lived in a 7,000 square foot debt-free dream house.

In fact, like many of today’s Quiverfull families, they lived very humbly for many years saving for that dream home. A 900 square foot home behind a used car lot on a busy highway is not an average Mother of 5 little children’s dream home! Yet Michelle put up with these cramped quarters—often hiding out in the bedroom with all the kids while Jim-Bob closed a car sale. Like many savvy real estate investors they “moved up” to a “fixer upper”—a repossessed, all brick ranch home that was much bigger. They did the renovation work themselves, learning along the way, in order to make it affordable. They did their furniture and décor shopping at auctions, yard sales and thrift stores. When Michelle said on TV that they “worked really hard” so they could “relax” today she was telling only part of the story. The rest of it is not taking out a mortgage or any other debt to buy that bigger home.

But while the Duggars, on their 20 acres, with their 2000 square foot boys and girls bedrooms and indoor climbing wall represent the zenith of Quiverfull life, we need to look at how an “average” Quiverfull family lives to truly get the “whole” picture of life in this movement.

Let’s look at how other Quiverfull families provide life’s basic necessities for their large families. But first, a brief mention of the Frugal Life from way back—like in the 1980s. Frugal Living Guru, Amy Dacyczyn’s, Tightwad Gazette newsletter has been collected into a commonly appreciated source book—available in both one and three volume additions. These are revered by “Tightwads” of all political and religious persuasions. These are very often mentioned in blogs with families either voluntarily reducing consumption or who are struggling to survive – the type of family Hillary McFarland writes of in her new book Quivering Daughters:

“Until you have knelt for hours in a field like my mommy, scrubbing thousands of cloth diapers by hand….till you cry with guilt when someone buys you something new and you try to take it back to the store because you could use that money to buy groceries or pay a bill…till you school your children all day, bake twenty loaves of bread by hand….”(p. 30)

In many rural areas, such as my current and former counties in two different Midwest states, it is not unusual to see a well-used van dispensing a river of children in very odd clothing and a haggard mother—often entering the public library for more school books or to make use of free Internet. You’ll also see them selling produce at road side stands or at the pay-by-the-pound recycling centers, the clearance racks and ½ price day at the local thrift shops. The struggle is etched on their faces.

From the anecdotal evidence posted in the forums here at NLQ and elsewhere, these families exist everywhere—and far outnumber the oft-profiled Royal Families of Quiverfull such as the Duggars. They cobble together mobile homes, sell e-books of well-worn recipes, they market quilts, cloth diapers, goat milk soap, homemade lotions and herbal remedies. They glean aluminum cans from the roadside and change from the sidewalks. They birth babies alone or with an under-the-radar unlicensed midwife. They treat illness with what they can afford and trust—which rarely includes a doctor. Many times, like Gil and Kelly Bates, they qualify for federal assistance such as WIC or state children’s health insurance, but won’t take it. Let’s take a look at THESE Quiverfull families and see, truly, how the greater portion of Quiverfull families live.

Shelter

At her now defunct blog, Under $1000, blogger Emily describes and illustrates with photos her family’s extremely small living quarters in a rental apartment. Certainly, conditions like this are not unusual among families of college or graduate students. [Her husband was in seminary.] In most cases they are temporary and become part of family folklore in later years. What makes Emily’s family different is that Emily publically discussed her plans for even SMALLER living quarters as their family grew LARGER! She had no problem with her children sleeping on blankets on the floor if necessary.

Most American parents would find this at least odd if not almost abusive. [Although, as we will see a little later on, this style of living is endorsed by one of the top Quiverfull evangelists.] She was frugal to such an extreme that she routinely used only a crock-pot to cook in order to save money on the electric bill. She kept tubs of children’s clothing stacked in her apartment so she did not need to shop for the next size. Aside from this ridiculous mini-washer, she washed clothes, bedding, diapers, in a plastic storage tub in a shower stall, rather than going to a laundry mat. Many of her money-saving ideas were not quite mainstream (an odd diet of fermented drinks and crock-pot cream cheese, for example).

Build It Yourself vs Shack Living

The Duggars are hardly the first family to ever build their own home with their own hands. Possibly they’ve built the most extreme house though. Many families have built their homes as they can afford it. In Quiverfull families this is not at all uncommon. Quiverfull “Royalty” such as Steve Maxwell and his sons have built two houses and remodeled a third.

On their blog, the Brow family of Vermont has detailed how, while squeezing into a small mobile home, they are building their own home debt-free. The Seargeant family of Plymouth Rock Ranch, spent a considerable time living in a tent while building their cabin. In Alaska the Wilkinson family details the building of their home on their blog as well.

Certainly, build it yourself, is not merely for Quiverfull families. America’s first prominent homeschooling family [who were VERY secular!!!] the Cofax family sent a son to Harvard after he helped clear the land, build the house and establish a functioning homestead and after he published several articles in goat breeding journals!

And, let’s not forget that the poster family of what can go wrong in Quiverfull life, the Yates family. Not long before the horror of Andrea drowning their children in the bathtub, Rusty had moved the family out of the RV they had been living in and into a modest ranch house. The strain of living with all her children in such tight quarters was too much for Andrea and her post-partum depression reached a danger zone. Sadly, it was too little, too late.

Utilities can be a staggering expense—although two that are often helped by rural living are heating and water. While many families with well water have to use a water softener or water purifying system, some families simply cannot afford these options. The beauty of a well is no water company to pay. This can be a substantial savings. Heat, (especially in the more northern states) can be very, very expensive. Home heating oil, propane, or electric heat is high enough in an area with efficient delivery networks. In rural areas served by Rural Electric Co-ops or in which heating oil or propane deliveries have to add mileage surcharges it can be extremely expensive. Many rural families, even those with a decent standard of living (like the Duggars) choose to heat with wood. Selling firewood supplements many family incomes as well. Finally trash removal is a huge expense in rural areas. Fewer customers per mile, greater distances to dumping sites and landfills, makes regular trash collection out of reach for many people. Rural families are often ahead of the curve on trash—growing food, composting, recycling all help with trash expenses. A once or twice a year trip to the dump, trash burning or burying, often takes care of the rest.

Quiverfull families in rural areas often live in substandard housing or with other primitive conditions like no indoor plumbing or even no running water. Perhaps the most extreme example of staying debt-free while building a home comes from one of the most Royal of Quiverfull “Royal Families”—the Campbells. While Colin and Nancy run the Above Rubies empire from a beautiful custom-built home, daughter Serene and her family have lived for years in conditions familiar to only the poorest of 3rd world nations.

Quiverfull matriarch Nancy Campbell has often written about her daughter, Serene’s family and their struggle to complete the building of their home. In spite of coming from a very well-off family who brought the Christian music superstars the NEWSBOYS to America, Serene and her large family live in a “shell” of a house with no running water. Even though they live in a “family compound” with other members of their own family, Serene and her children must haul 5 gallon buckets of water from a nearby stream for their daily use. Recently flooding made the lower level of the home unlivable. Rather than move out, conduct mold abatement and other necessary repairs, the family simply moved upstairs. Nancy called this situation “hilarious.” Most Americans would call it child neglect or even child abuse.

Serene herself has written of having to wear masks in the house due to excessive smoke, of having to run laps around the house with her children to keep warm and other equally ridiculous experiences—all in the name of being debt-free. Better to endanger the health of your children than incur debt!

Serene helps support her family by hosting women’s retreats, recording and selling cds and promoting her own views of “good health.” Heath “advice” from a woman who apparently does not consider a smoke filled, mold-infested home to be a health hazard for herself and her children.  Like Serene, Emily at Under $1000 a Month [above], kept her MAINE apartment so cold in the winter that one reader compared it to an old-time city tenement—a breeding ground for TB. Serene also had no problem ignoring other comforts for her children. For years they slept “like puppies” on the floor on blankets—surely the inspiration of Emily’s planned future sleeping arrangements for her own children!

Food

The Duggars’ shopping trips to Aldis focus on bulk buying of frozen burritos by the case, trays of frozen lasagna, jars of spaghetti sauce and boxes of so-called Macaroni and Cheese. Many other Quiverfull families eat more God-made than man-made food.

There are excellent examples of God’s bounty, lovingly coaxed from the ground by busy moms and toddlers, teenagers and even over-worked Quiverfull Dads. (Although not stated as Quiverfull, the family profiled in these posts exemplify a healthy, yet minimal income family). Gardening, canning, freezing, jam-making, soap making, quilting are all frequently found on Quiverfull Mom-blogs and homemaking sites. More than one family has a cottage industry producing ebooks or even dvds on how to do these money-saving tasks (soap making, bread baking, or Serene making sourdough). In fact, the West family even had their homemaking videos produced by Franklin Springs Media.

Gardening and food preservation is another area the Duggars strangely ignore. The garden they showed in one episode [“17 Kids and Counting: Cheaper by the Duggars”] was barely more than most people can grown in a tiny subdivision lot—and yet the Duggars have 20 acres! (NOTE: Likely a substantial garden would be too hard to keep up with while they are touring and filming, much of which takes place in the summer garden-season.)

While cheap, frozen ground turkey, a Duggar staple, is frequently found in many, many homes today, other Quiverfull families raise chickens for eggs and meat, goats for milk and or meat and even pigs and steer for meat. Poultry keeping has even become trendy in some suburbs! Other families rely on deer, elk or moose season to provide the bulk of their meat. Steve Castleberry gives a humorous discussion of learning to butcher his first steer in his book, Our Homestead Story: The First Years.

Many Quiverfull families find it a good use of their scarce food budget to buy an electric grain mill and bulk buy wheat that they then grind fresh into flour and hand bake the family’s bread. No one can argue with the nutritional boost over gluey American white bread, but the process does take a toll on the wives and daughters who must labor thru the grinding, mixing, kneading baking cycle every few days. In fact, Bill Gothard teaches his followers [who include the Duggars] that white bread is “evil” and that bread must be made by hand—no mixer! [Veinot, p. 299]. A bucket of good red wheat does not come cheaply, either (about $65 a bucket). Nor does a good mixer—for those who don’t follow Mr. Gothard’s health advice and see the kneading as something a machine can adequately handle, a Bosch universal mixer costs up to $400.00, but is the holy grail of convenience for Quiverfull moms who see bread making as part of their calling.  A “Wonder Mill” for grinding wheat can set a family back more than $200.00. A Berkey water filter another $200.

Homeschool

Very few Quiverfull families could afford to buy brand new curricula for each student in each subject every year. Many could not even afford to buy the very reasonably priced and thoroughly excellent [if not terribly exciting!] Rod & Staff curriculum so beloved of the Maxwell family. Nor can many otherwise like-minded families afford the up-to- $600+ a year just to belong to Bill Gothard’s Advanced Training Institute and be “encouraged” by the likes of the Duggars and Bates. Many families cannot afford or cannot justify the expense to attend a pricey homeschool convention—all of these are, for the most part, marketed to the solidly middle-class family with disposable income [although there are families who diligently save and sacrifice to get to one]. A burgeoning legion of web sites has sprung up linking to free or extremely low cost homeschooling materials—many of which are excellent others less so.

[For examples, see: Old Fashioned Education or Ambleside Online or Splashes From the River or Christian Parenting Source or Simply Charlotte Mason.]

Since so many Vision Forum-influenced Quiverfull families are reluctant to expose their children to the literature of the 20th, let alone the 21st Century, most of the books linked to by these sites are in the public domain [i.e. no longer protected by copyright laws]. Many of these are standard classics that are often even assigned in public schools [example: Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol or Great Expectations]. Several Quiverfull families produce and sell homeschool resources as well. [The Learning Parent or Eagles Wing Ed or Heart of Wisdom.]

While I could not find any poof of this, I suspect with the growing number of states who have free online Charter Schools, some Quiverfull families may take advantage of this at least for higher math classes. In my state, this results in the family having a free computer and high-speed internet access.

College or advanced vocational training—when allowed in such families—is often done on the cheap in a way savvy students have been doing since the 70s: using CLEP tests to earn college credit. By combining this with “safe” at-home online classes, some Quiverfull sons, and a rare few daughters, can achieve a college degree or technical certificate.

Medical Care

Medical care in the United States is a nightmare for self-employed and working poor families of any worldview. Quiverfull families, oddly, often join the New Age in rejoicing in “natural” or “herbal” medications. Old home remedies are also often in favor:

It burned, dripping down my back, scathing tender flesh. The stench crept through my nostrils and landed on my tongue. My eyes watered. “Hold still,” Mom ordered, one hand rooted in my scalp and the other poised above my head…”It will kill the lice,” Mom said, swishing my hair in kerosene. I lay in it [in the tub] drenched, my body on fire…..I know her hands burned, too.

Grandma Millie, our neighbor, said it worked because that’s what they did in the old days. We wanted to live like they did back then, because that’s when life was simple….living frugally and biblically, which meant not relying on the conveniences of modern culture, but welcoming hardship—“For in the sweat of your face you shall eat bread”(Gen. 3:19) (McFarland, Quivering Daughters, p. 1).

Herbal remedies, regardless of their true effectiveness [which can go either way—many ARE effective] are often seen as more beneficial than “chemical” medications. (See: http://www.thefamilyhomestead.com/herbsfamilyhealth.htm, or http://www.greenpeople.org/webpage.cfm?memid=26891&pmtlevel=0&linkpage=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.VintageRemedies.com or http://www.trinityschool.org/about.php)

The biggest cost for most families is child birth. While there is a cooperative program such families may choose to join that provides a limited solution to the health insurance problem, the solution for many, many families is simply home birth.

While Anna Duggar had a perfectly normal home birth, she had received state-of-the-art prenatal care, had attended a standard childbirth education class with her husband and “just happened” to have on-hand both an experienced childbirth educator/doula and her very experienced mother-in-law. For many families none of this is an option. Mistrust of medical science in general—and of obstetricians specifically, refusal to accept government assistance, extreme rural living, combined with a poverty-level income makes homebirth the only possibility for many mothers.

Sadly, NLQ’s Vyckie experienced a far more traumatic home birth than Anna Duggar was blessed with –so too was Carrie C., whose horrendous midwife care and near death resulted in national news coverage. Like Carrie, many Quiverfull moms can count only on the care they receive from generally well-intentioned, but poorly trained non-licensed midwives. [Note: These are not the same as Nurse Practitioners or Licensed Midwives—my point is not to condemn midwives/homebirth in a responsible setting, just to point out the obvious dangers of an untrained, unlicensed so-called “midwife”.]

In her book, The Way Home, Mary Pride called for women who die in childbirth to be regarded as martyrs. Sadly, with more money or even simply a greater ability to reason and trust, some of these mothers could have stayed to raise their many children.

Elder care is beyond the means of many, many families today. Unlike other families who choose a Medicare/Medicaid funded nursing home or other solution, Quiverfull families often, commendably, care for their elderly at home. It’s not only the Duggars who have given end-of-life care in their homes to parents or grandparents (Duggars, p. p. 219-220 and “18 Kids and Counting: Duggars Say Goodbye) but most such families do not enjoy the luxury of a full guest suite in their home in which to house the loved one. Nor can most afford a doctor who makes house calls. (See here - scroll down to “Nursing Home”.)

Another area of medical care that is not in the budget, or the mindset, is vaccination. As the Duggars showed recently with 12 children covered in chicken pox spots, (“19 Kids and Counting: Duggars Chicken Out”) vaccines are pretty much seen as an evil. Although most well baby shots can be had from your state’s department of health at regional or county clinics for little or no charge, Quiverfull families tend to steer clear of any form of government assistance. This also means that nursing mothers and their little children who qualify and would benefit would not accept WIC or food stamps. Nor would most families sign their children up for state health insurance. Staying away from the government is a goal.

Clothing and Diapers

The Duggars spend a lot of time promoting thrift store, and more recently, clearance rack shopping for clothes and shoes. Many families of all types nationwide have jumped on the “buy used” bandwagon—if only to survive. Goodwill is chic these days! For families at or below the poverty line yard sales, clearance racks, consignment shops and thrift stores are the main suppliers of clothing, bedding, shoes and other items.

Like the Duggars of old (and the Duggar girls today when desired) many still sew clothing—although sources of cheap fabric are not plentiful anymore—even Wal-Mart has cut back or eliminated yard goods from their sales floor.

Caring for clothing, bedding, towels etc, is another place many families struggle. While the Duggars installed low-water front-loading washers in their 8-machine family laundry room, with 20 acres to work with it would seem that a lot of those khakis and polo shirts—not to mention sheets and towels—could be hung out to dry at a substantial savings. This is another part of either savings or basic survival in many homes. With large numbers of children, possibly no water heater, no electricity, and at best ONE washer, many, many families end up doing a combination of hand washing, machine washing, outdoor drying or indoor rack drying.

One place the Duggars show good planning though is their “family uniform”—developed back in the day of their ranch house. With two washers, and later in a rental house with only one washer, they simplified their laundry by having everyone wear the same color each day—khaki pants for all the boys, same color polo shirt for all the boys and similar dress or jumper for the girls reducing the sorting and number of loads of laundry. All the Duggar boys at that time wore black socks, while the girls wore white socks. [I have not confirmed this, but have been told that matching clothing is promoted by ATI for family unity. Still, it totally makes sense with limited laundry equipment.] With more laundry equipment this rule seems to have been loosened if not completely abandoned. Another money-saving tip the Duggars have adopted—like many other families of all beliefs—is making their own laundry detergent [I have personally been doing this for 4 years—it’s great and so cheap.] (“17 Kids and Counting: Cheaper by the Duggars” and Duggars, p. 173).

In Blogland, many Moms signal their beliefs and desired audience with phrases like “Attachment parenting, breastfeeding, cloth-diapering, homeschool mom.” Or “God-honoring, dresses only, head-covering, wheat grinding, non-vaccinating, cloth-diapering…etc”. Cloth diapers are no less a point in the Quiverfull “Mommy Wars” than elsewhere. While it’s nice that the older Duggar girls and Grandma aren’t stuck washing all little girls’ diapers, it would seem that as cost-conscious as Jim-Bob and Michelle are, that they’d have clambered onto the cloth diapering band wagon about 18 kids ago. Sewing cloth diapers, cloth nursing pads and other similar items is a popular home business for many stay-at home moms at BOTH ends of the political spectrum. While the cost to the environment is hotly debated, the sheer COST of all those packages of disposable diapers for the Duggars has to be mind-boggling.

(image from http://www.greenmountaindiapers.com/diapers.htm)

Finally, some families take washable cotton a few steps further into the bathroom. Cloth sanitary napkins, like diapers, are a popular home business. Like cloth diapers, they come in all styles, prints, and price ranges. Also like diapers they are a “love ‘em or leave ‘em” product. For many families at the poverty level with large numbers of girls they may be the only alternative. Free patterns are available on web sites and blogs just like for cloth diapers [pads] [diapers].

The other reusable feminine product is a rubber cup known as the “Diva Cup.” It’s been mentioned in Tightwad circles for years. It’s inexpensive and re-useable. Since it is an internal device, meant to replace tampons, it may not be considered appropriate in Quiverfull families for unmarried girls.

Many families, like Gil and Kelly Bates [who taught the Duggars this savings] make their own baby wipes using paper towels.  Other families do the same, but with re-useable strips of terrycloth or other absorbent cloth. “Recipes” for the soaking liquid are available at many websites and blogs.

And then there is the [ahem] “family cloth.” This is simply washable toilet paper. Small squares of cotton are kept in a basket by the toilet. Used cloth is put in a diaper pail (or similar) with vinegar or bleach and then washed. Used cotton sanitary napkins are done in a similar way as are homemade hemorrhoid cloths with witch hazel.

Additional Money Savers

[Note, this section is added to Hopewell's article by Vyckie ~ as evidenced by the sudden appearance of run-on sentences strung together with lots of tildes. ]

Families which take Quiverfull fundamentalism to the extreme frequently develop even more radical (if it were possible) convictions which can also cut expenses considerably.

No insurance.  Many of the QFers I knew (including Laura’s ex-husband, Dale) believe that purchasing insurance is tantamount to putting ones trust in ”man” (insurance companies) rather than God.  These families only purchase the minimum insurance which is required by law, such as liability insurance for their vehicles ~ rather than purchasing homeowners insurance (which is not required on their debt-free homes), they are relying on the Lord as their “insurance policy.”  Because life insurance is also optional ~ these families trust that God will provide for their orphaned children should He choose to take them home early.

No extra-curricular activities.  Followers of Jonathan Lindvall’s teachings regarding “sheltering children,” do not allow their kids to participate in sports, cheerleading, band, etc. ~ this eliminates the expense of uniform and equipment purchases and/or rentals.

No frivilous entertainment.  Okay ~ this one is fairly common among Quiverfull families who take the protection of their children from worldly influences very seriously.  Most QF families do not own televisions, let alone subscribe to cable programming.  Nearly all movies ~ yes, even Disney! ~ are out of the question too.

No toys.  According to Nancy Campbell’s daughter, Evangeline, “Things do not make you rich! Children do! Children do not need another toy – they need you!  Excess toys create fights, chaos and mess. I hate them!” Although in this article, Evangeline encourages Moms of Many to get rid of “excess toys,” a later Above Rubies article (which I’m not finding online), details how she got rid of all the children’s toys, insisting instead that the children “play” with real babies rather than plastic dolls, or make their own play things (sticks for guns, etc.) rather than buying over-priced “stuff” from the toy department which takes up space in their already-overcrowded home.

Debt-Free – A Recipe for Neglect & Burn-Out

Vyckie Garrison of No Longer Quivering has often stated that the ultra-demanding Quiverfull lifestyle is a recipe for neglect and burn-out.  NLQ readers have asked, both on the website and on the forum, how realistically are the Duggar family and other “Quiverfull Royalty” portraying this debt-free ideal?  The high standards of striving to live debt-free, keeping Mom (and often, Dad, too) at home, tithing 10% – 15% of their income, and eschewing government assistance do not offer a promising financial outlook for Quiverfull families who are actively welcoming an abundance of children in today’s economy.

While this combination of principles may seem especially godly and makes for a popular “reality” TV show, such utopian idealism more often adds up to a stark and impoverished Quiverfull reality.

Discuss this post on the NLQ forum!  Comments are also open below.

More from Hopewell:

A FULL QUIVER OF INFORMATION [my information only site]
Personal Blog

Read all posts by Hopewell!

NLQ Recommends ...

'Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment' by Janet Heimlich

‘Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

‘Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce

by Hopewell

The Duggar Income Stream [minus TLC]

Before TLC and their reality TV show offer came on the scene, Jim-Bob and Michelle Duggar were already on their way to financial security—a situation not normally found in homes with no college-educated adult. But, like the people profiled in the book the Millionaire Next Door, Jim-Bob and Michelle have always lived BELOW their means and have always had common sense about purchases.

They also share a vision for the type of family life they wanted to lead. While Jim-Bob did hold a job, and a mortgage, at the time they married he soon realized this was not a sensible way to live. His love of buying cars, fixing them up himself, and reselling them for a profit was the first step to a secure future. Although he acknowledges that the used car business is not looked on with much respect, he decided to set up a car lot and run it in a Christian manner. Soon he was making enough off used cars to quit his day job. Eventually, they rented out the mortgaged house and moved into a tiny house on the car lot to increase their income. Along the way, he made a few good decisions [and a few bad ones]. (Duggar,  chapters 1 & 2 and “17 Kids and Counting: Cheaper by the Duggars”).

One good decision was to buy a tow truck. While the first model he bought wasn’t worth the money, unlike many college-grads he knew enough about cars and other equipment to buy the towing equipment and winch off another tow truck, hold on to it, save up for a truck to put it on and eventually he had an excellent tow  truck and no loan. The towing business grew fast and he had to hire help. Finally the collateral supplied by the car lot inventory, a bent for strong and creative negotiations and the savings from their income allowed the Duggars to enter the true source of their security: REAL ESTATE. (Duggar, chapters 2 & 3).

Jim-Bob’s parents were in real estate and soon Jim-Bob and Michelle also got realtors licenses. Jim-Bob discovered he had an eye for investment properties and the stomach for deal making. After saving up $65,000 to pay cash for the home they would still be living in when they filmed their first TV special, the Duggars went on to make several profitable real estate deals. One deal, which cost about the same amount as the house, netted them a profit of nearly $200,000 after Jim-Bob put in a few hours on a backhoe clearing the site. They also bought a 20-acre parcel of land with an old chicken hatchery on it. They converted the building into commercial rental space and used part of the land for their dream home. The rent collected from the rental properties was their main income for several years. In their show (“17 Kids and Counting: Cheaper by the Duggars”) he shows viewers the property he owns and leases to a cell phone company for their transmission tower. In addition to the real estate deals, Jim-Bob often buys and sells other items. While building their home, he acquired and resold a bucket-lift truck and a scissor-lift among other equipment (Duggars 20 and Counting and elsewhere).

Jim-Bob figured out how to efficiently provide for his family by being observant, staying debt-free and having assets that could be quickly liquefied to provide cash for new ventures and by using all his negotiating skills to get great deals when he did buy big ticket items. Without a high-paying white collar profession, Jim-Bob would have been routinely away from his family for 80 or more hours a week to try to earn the income they needed. Instead, he found a way to provide a level of income for the family God would send him and still be at home to help with that family as much as possible.

Along the way, Jim-Bob met with a group of business men who introduced him to the Jim Sammons Financial Freedom Seminars. This taught a Biblical perspective on managing family finances and stressed the debt-free mantra. Jim-Bob would later host such seminars in his own home and would promote Sammon’s message on their TV show (“18 Kids and Counting: Big Family in Big Sandy” see also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTrVjoAh20g).

Another way the Duggars have always provided for their family is thru their motto of “buy used and save the difference.” Jim-Bob grew up in a family known for economic hardship. While his parents were both excellent salespeople, his father simply could not manage money. In fact Jim-Bob remembers his Mom cooking rice that had been in a decorative jar for years because it was all the food left in the house! (Duggar, p. 11). Frugal living and a very tight budget were natural to Jim-Bob. Michelle, however, had grown up with much more financial security and disposable income. She had to work hard to overcome the “ick” factor involved in buying and wearing used clothing! Today the Duggar’s are probably the world’s best known thrift-store shoppers—and for years bought nearly all clothing not only at thrift stores, but on 50% off days.

The Duggars also use their sales skills in reverse—negotiating a great deal on items they must buy new. For example, Jim-Bob taught viewers how to negotiate for a bus tire (“18 Kids and Counting: Duggars in Dixie”), to look for businesses that can haggle on the price (“18 Kids and Counting: Duggars on a Deadline”) and always to ask for a discount (“18 Kids and Counting: Duggars on a Diet” & (“18 Kids and Counting: Duggars in Dixie”).

“Do it yourself” is a way of life to the Duggars. From making their own laundry detergent to cutting and styling their own hair, to cutting their own firewood, to fixing their own cars to hiring skilled people to teach them to build their home, the Duggars never pay to have someone do something they can do themselves. (“18 Kids and Counting: Cheaper by the Duggars,” (“18 Kids and Counting: Duggars New Additions,” “16 Kids and Moving In,” Duggar web site, and Duggar, Chapter 8).

In spite of their thrifty ways, in spite of all the “many hands” to make “light work,” the Duggars do not really garden or raise any animals for meat, eggs or milk. Nor have they been seen to hunt and butcher for venison—a common money saver among conservative Midwestern and Southern families. The girls sewed their own clothes for years—and still do so when they want to. They also rely on a lot of convenience foods—understandable with that many children, but not healthy or economical. Inexplicably, they seem to ignore the great deal they got on a commercial dishwasher—preferring to waste money on an endless stream of paper plates, cups and bowls. Again, understandable with the numbers they feed at each meal, but if “many hands” do in fact “make light work” [a favorite Duggar saying] and “buy used and save the difference” is the family rule, then it would seem reusable dishes would be their only choice. Nor have they ever used cloth diapers, which would seem to be a very substantial savings with so many children, but would increase the laundry by a load or two per week.

Often people have commented that TLC “rescued” the Duggar’s from their seemingly never-ending task of building their dream home. While TLC certainly did help out and did force the completion of the project, the Duggars would have finished it eventually and stayed debt-free. While TLC provided a lot of “goodies” like new furniture and a grand piano, the Duggars paid cash for their super-sized commercial kitchen by buying it at an auction when a KMART store closed for a fraction of the retail cost. (Duggar, p. 215). These are not people who would “abandon” a project or give up in any way! Like their friends, the Bates family, they would have lived amid continuing construction. In truth, even with TLC’s help, the family did without air conditioning for a year and without window coverings for longer than that (air conditioning, Duggar, p. 223; window coverings “18 Kids and Counting: Duggars and Dentists”). Throughout the process, they remained debt-free.

What about other Quiverfull Dads?

“Family business” is the ideal for members of Bill Gothard’s ATI/IBLP.  Families should be together as much as possible to ensure that fathers play a very prominent role in training their children. The Duggar’s discouraged son John from becoming a pilot because it would mean too much time away from his future family—a powerful illustration of how seriously this is taken. Other Quiverfull dad’s support their families in different ways, but normally with a family business of some sort. We’ll look at some of the Duggar’s friends and a few other Quiverfull fathers to see how they do it.

Gil Bates, a now frequent ATI/IBLP speaker who talks about supporting his 17 children with one income, has tried a number of ways to support his family without holding a regular job. Among those are window washing and lawn care before happening on tree work. (“18 Kids and Counting: Duggars’ Big Thaw). Today Gil and his three eldest sons (Zak 21, Lawson 17 and Nathan 16) work together in the family’s tree service company. Along the way Gil was “blessed” when a group of businessmen gave him a bucket truck.[In case you are curious, I could not verify if this was the same bucket truck Jim-Bob Duggar sold a few years back.] While the Bates family are certainly hard working, their income is such that they have publically stated they are eligible for federal assistance but do not accept it.

Clark Wilson and his sons own and run a construction company in Mississippi. The Arndt Family have a court reporting service [Arndt family] and several families are in full-time music ministry living off “love offerings” [and probably investments of some type in many cases] and cd sales (examples: http://www.wissmannfamily.com/GospelBluegrass/Store.html or http://www.southernraisedbluegrass.com/index.html ).  Younger Quiverfull adults are finding opportunities with photography, web design and teaching music lessons.

“Family Business” and a love of practical work-related fellowship are among the ties that bind the ATI/IBLP families together. On “ 18/19 Kids and Counting” we’ve seen the Bates show up to help the Duggars clear the trees downed in an ice storm (“18 Kids and Counting: Duggars’ Big Thaw”) and we’ve seen Clark Wilson helping with the construction of the Duggar home (“16 Children and Moving In”). Recently we’ve seen the Duggar, Wilson, and Reith families all go to Tennessee to help build the Bates family a new, larger home (“18 Kids and Counting: Duggars and Bates Reloaded,” “18 Kids and Counting: Do it Yourself Duggars,” “18 Kids and Counting: Duggars on a Deadline.”) In fact John and Joseph stayed on with the Bates to continue working on the project. We’ve also seen the Wilson family come to help build a basketball court for the Duggars (“18 Kids and Counting: Duggars New Additions”).

ATI/IBLP stresses “hospitality,”  “fellowship” and “encouragement” of one member family for other families in the group. Huge houses help facilitate a greater level of hospitality. It’s no accident that as soon as the Bates new home addition [well, new home] was “livable,” the Bates were featured on the ATI/IBLP web site. Members have a directory to use to find nearby families when they are traveling. Obviously, it’s nice to have time with like-minded families—for even the Duggars have said their kids need to be with other such families to avoid feeling like the “only ones” who live this way (“18 Kids and Counting: Big Family in Big Sandy”)—but it also serves to keep ATI/IBLP members “in line.” You’d have a hard time hiding a big screen TV or your son’s R-rated posters if a bus full of fellow ATI-ers pulled up for the night on short notice. “Walking the Talk” is a 24/7 requirement.

The Duggars and other Quiverfull families inflate their incomes by using their children as unpaid labor. At very young ages both Josh and John Duggar were helping build the family home, running earth-moving equipment, using power tools and doing all kinds of things that by law normally require being a certain age—unless you are a family member. By not paying for that labor, the costs of a project decreases considerably. Ditto child care. Many Quiverfull Moms help with the family business, such as Anna Duggar who was show on TV making her first used car sale (“18 Kids and Counting: Duggars in the Driver’s Seat”) and her mother-in-law Michelle even towed cars on occasion back in the early days of her marriage! Some wives even run a home-based business on their own—with the husband’s approval of course. Who looks after all those little kids (often a larger number of children and infants than a licensed home day care could have), cooks the meals, does the homeschooling, sews matching dresses, does the laundry, or runs to the grocery store? The live-in unpaid servants: the teenage daughters [and in the Duggar’s case a family friend and Grandma] that’s who.

Sons and Daughters in Business

While Josh Duggar happily graduated from homeschool at 16, it’s doubtful that he was doing much school work by that age. He spent huge amounts of time helping with the house construction, working on political campaigns and taking care of younger siblings. The same is true with John Duggar and now younger brother, Joseph. They finished the state-mandated amount of schooling and were then at work—helping manage rental properties, repairing cars or making home repairs, managing a used car lot, starting a wrecker/towing service (http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/19-kids-and-counting-a-satisfied-customer.html and http://tlc.discovery.com/videos/17-kids-and-counting-webisodes-apprentice-duggars.html)  —all to build up enough money and life experience to be able to marry and start a family debt-free. While Josh Duggar and his wife, Anna, are living in a rental home owned by his Grandmother [he may have purchased it— it has not been mentioned], most young men need to own their home and be able to single-handedly support a family in order to marry (Veinot, pp 257-258  and http://www.titus2.com/blog/index.php/page/10/ example). Once married, Quiverfull sons and daughters abide by the rule “leave and cleave” as Michelle Duggar put it. The financial support from Mom and Dad is gone for good.

Other Quiverfull sons may join the family business or may strike out on their own in business at least—if not in actually moving out of the family home, before marriage. Many get their start in Josh Duggar’s case putting up signs for political campaigns. The Maxwell sons have a few businesses and have also built one home, remodeled another and are working on a third as son Christopher prepares to marry.

As we have seen, John Duggar has his own towing business. Christopher Maxwell and two of the Staddon brothers have photography and web design businesses. Training in these careers is offered by ATI/IBLP. Many sons draw on their ALERT Cadet training and give-back to their communities as volunteer firefighters or EMTs. Recently, we were shown John Duggar responding to a fire as well as Zak, Michaela and Nathan Bates helping their local volunteer fire department (“18 Kids and Counting: Designing Duggars” and “19 Kids and Counting: Digesting Duggars”).

Daughters contribute to the family’s income mostly by keeping house and helping with the younger children without being paid. Like their brothers, they may earn a little money by doing odd jobs such as cleaning or babysitting for other families. Many daughters, though, play a role in their family’s business. The Maxwell girls pack orders and man sales booths at homeschooling and other conventions. Maxwell and Castleberry daughters write self-published chapter books for children marketed to like-minded families.

One of the Boyers’ daughters had a cleaning business and markets cds of her convention “talks” and other materials for homeschooling families. Many daughters, such as Erin Bates, teach piano, violin, harp or other music lessons. Training as a music instructor is another offering of ATI/IBLP. One family runs a retreat center for families (and found themselves featured on the successful TV show “World’s Strictist Parents”  in which their children play an integral part in running the business and taking care of guests. 

Selling the Dream

Steve Maxwell and his family produce and sell a number of specialty products aimed at large homeschooling families . Among these are the Chore Packs and the scheduling system, Managers of Their Homes, that the Duggars have mentioned in their book and on their show (Duggars, pp 118-119; “18 Kids and Counting: School Daze”).

They and many other families are really in MARKETING—selling the “dream” of the ideal Christian, Quiverfull family with Dad firmly in charge as the Patriarch of the family. The Maxwells help with selling the dream by producing a scheduling system and chore-reminder system that helps simplify the life of huge homeschooling families. The Boyers offer not only homeschooling materials—most chosen specifically for like-minded families, they also produce cd-s, flash cards and workbooks to aid in “child training” and scripture memorization. They sell cds of their message that a big family can have peace and that brothers and sisters not only CAN but MUST be each other’s best friends.  Finally,another Quiverfull family sells “wholesome wear” swimsuits of the kind worn by the Duggars, that encourage modesty and draw attention to the lady’s countenance in the ATI-approved manner.

While the “dream”  is of a blissfully happy family, sheltered from the world by a loving, homeschooling Mother who has endless time for training her children—the reality is often that Mom is a successful speaker, author or businesswoman. While other Moms diligently sew cloth diapers or modest clothing for sale on an Ebay site to help provide for their families or sell homemade goat-milk soap or ebooks on couponing or other small, part-time ebusinesses, top level Quiverfull families are very different.  Two such women are among the “Royalty” of the Quiverfull Moms—Nancy Campbell and Jennie Chancey. Few women have devoted themselves to furthering the Quiverfull lifestyle more than these two.

Nancy Campbell, the “Queen Mother” of the Quiverfull Movement, has built a speaking, retreating and writing empire that touches the lives of Quiverfull women on just about every continent (for Quiverfull is not merely an American movement). Her seminal book, Be Fruitful and Multiply, helped make the Quiverfull lifestyle popular. Her magazine, Above Rubies, was “created to:

• Encourage and strengthen women in their high calling as wives, mothers and homemakers
• To raise the standard of God’s Truth in the nations.

To make the magazine more widely available, subscriptions are free and issues are produced when enough donations have flowed in to cover the printing and shipping costs. Quiverfull wives can write and submit articles, too, detailing how they are blessed by the lifestyle.

Nancy Campbell’s commercial empire includes the sale of books [her own and others that encourage the lifestyle], dvds—such as her “Family Meal Table,” music cds and, of course, recordings of Nancy’s encouraging talks.  Nancy also sells her husband’s Bible Study materials and writings and cds by her adult daughters, Serene and Evangeline. Women can also enroll in one of the Above Rubies retreats for encouragement and fellowship. Unlike ATI, however, Nancy Campbell encourages adoption and has produced and sells materials on the blessing of adoption. The Campbells are also behind the hugely successful (and very UN-ATI) Contemporary Christian Music group the Newsboys. 

While at Nancy’s stage of life, i.e. an empty-nester, it’s easier to understand how she can be selling the dream and still running her home and caring for her husband [not that NON QF moms don’t do this every day alongside a successful career], less explicable is the empire of Jennie Chancey—a mom with many young children. In addition to her vintage sewing pattern company, begun as a newlywed, Mrs. Chancey co-founded the iconic blog “Ladies Against Feminism.” Mrs Chancey is the author, with another of Quiverfull’s Royalty, Stacey McDonald, of the Christian Best-seller, Passionate Housewives, Desperate for God: Fresh Vision for the Hopeful Homemaker. She was also among the featured speakers in the “The Monstrous Regiment of Women” [LINK] In addition to all of this, Mrs. Chancey makes time to lead tours of Jane Austen’s England! With her husband Matt working full-time as a lawyer and speaker, it does make outsiders question just who is minding all those little children and overseeing their homeschool lesssons.

Another aspect of “Selling the Dream” of the Quiverfull Lifestyle is reaching the teenagers—especially the girls. This is handled by two sisters who have a virtual monopoly on the Quiverfull Daughter Market—Anna Sophia and Elizabeth Botkin. These two specialize in the dream lifestyle of the Stay At Home Daughter. Their book, So Much More, and their dvd, Return of the Daughters, sell an idealized notion of the grown, homeschool-graduate daughter, serving as her father’s trainee helpmeet while waiting for her God-chosen and father approved husband to be presented to her.

This “vision” rarely, if ever, includes college. It can include extensive time working (unpaid) in her father’s business or it may center on doing the homemaking or homeschooling of younger siblings to relieve the Mother. The Botkins focus their vision of the Stay At Home Daughter on serving their father—running his errands, making his life easier in any way possible.  Example of the way the Botkins and others in Vision Forum-influenced, Patriarchal families view the father-daughter relationship are the father-daughter purity balls and a frequently cited “fun” activity at father/daughter camping events where the daughters must shave their father’s faces.  While totally UnBiblical, this message is finding an enthusiastic reception among Patriarchal, Quiverfull families—among whom the Botkin Sisters are superstar celebrities. If there was a Quiverfull version of People Magazine, the Botkin girls would be among its most frequent cover girls. Given the acknowledged headship of their father, Geoffrey Botkin, it is left for observers of the family to wonder if the girls earnings are given to their father, put into an account to fund dowries or if they even see any of the money they earn.

Among the dirty little secrets of this lifestyle is the economic exploitation of the entire family. While the Duggar’s TV show is the ultimate example of this, all Quiverfull families with a business use the wife and children as unpaid labor. In many cases such a business would just plain fail if hired help was necessary. Children, often too young for a work permit, are pressed into service in family business to cut costs. Wives take on roles in the business while daughters keep the home running and raise and educate the younger children. This part of the “dream’ is not shown in the Botkins books or dvds or in any other source for what it really is: exploitation and child labor. True, non-Quiverfull family businesses often do the same thing, but rarely are there so many children who need care in such families.

Calls to regulate the use of children in reality TV are the tip of the regulatory ice berg. Loopholes in labor laws—covering agricultural workers and family business, need to be closed to protect young children. This is not to say that all help by children in family business is wrong—far from it. It can truly be an outstanding learning experience. But children’s hours should be tightly regulated to ensure they are not overworked and undereducated. Similarly, the daughters’ hours of looking after younger siblings need to be carefully limited. And, children should be fairly compensated for their labor—they are not earning their room and board. While homeschooling, done well, can easily take less time than a public school day, until age 18 the laws are clear that school hours should outnumber work hours.

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by Hopewell

“Helpmeet” is such an odd-sounding word to modern ears! But it resonates well in the lingo of the King James Bible. Girls born to Quiverfull families begin their training for the life’s calling as a Helpmeet [aka wife and homemaker] almost at birth.

Girls are born for one and only one reason: to serve a husband. In that capacity, as his helpmeet, she will bear and raise his children, feed as many children as God sends on whatever income he earns, may raise a garden and animals or run a home-based business [with his approval], may home birth and will certainly homeschool all of her children.

Becoming a successful, multi-tasking helpmeet is not something you just “do.” Something that important cannot be left to chance. The training starts almost at birth with “child training.” Moms have a number of helpful “ministries” to turn to for child training guidance. For infants and toddlers two of the best known are Ezzo and the Pearls—both of whom are very controversial to the secular world. We’ll briefly look at each.

Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo developed the popular and often criticized programs “Babywise” and “Growing Kids God’s Way.” As with any program there IS some good and helpful information as well as a lot that many people find abhorrent. “Babywise” teaches new parents to adhere to rigid schedules and rules for bedtime, breast feeding on a parent-friendly schedule and bedtime rigidly enforced with few, if any, interactions with parents after “lights out” no matter the tone of the child’s cry.

“Growing Kids God’s Way” is a huge undertaking for parents. Both parents must attend each session and both must complete weekly homework. This program met tremendous success in conservative churches and megachurches during the  late 90s and on. [They also do offer a single-parent version now.]  Parents are taught to take back their lives by having a parent-centered, rather than child-centered home. [For the gist of the controversies see www.ezzo.info, but please note this IS a biased site.]

Michael and Debi Pearl of “No Greater Joy Ministries” are some of the most controversial child training advocates in the world today. Several deaths have occurred in homes following the Pearls advice. [NOTE: I am NOT saying in any way that the Pearls are responsible for the deaths, just that the parents were known to follow their methods.]

Their book, To Train Up a Child, advocates corporal punishment to a degree seldom seen today. The idea is to compel instant, willing and cheerful obedience at all times from even the youngest children. Failure to comply results in physical punishment. Parents are taught that children are born with a sinful nature and that they must begin early to “train” the child in the “way he should go” as is taught in Proverbs 22:6. Therefore, it is appropriate to even “chastise” babies with a switch—even one made of plumbing supply line.  Parents are told

“Training does not necessarily require that the trainee be capable of reason…”[Pearl & Pearl, Chapter 1.]

With this background in mind we can now try to piece together the “training” of a future helpmeet. In her infancy the girl we will call “Jerusha Faith” may be enticed with a toy and swatted for reaching for it. She may be fed only when Mama says and not when her tummy says she is truly empty and hungry. She may be left in the throes of colicky insomnia to cry it out alone for hours on end. In short, she is learning, like a Nun, to deny her “self.”[Note: it is important to remember that ALL families are different not all my use these practices and some may even agree with the critics!]

This dying to self will include seemly innocuous phrases like the one the Duggar family uses which is summed up by the acronym “JOY”—Jesus First, Others Second, Yourself LAST.  (Duggar family website, FAQ) Even in infancy little Jerusha Faith is learning that she is not important as herself. She is merely important when she is doing the will of her authority figures—in this stage her parents.

As she grows older, should she dare to be “wayward” in any way she can expect to be chastised with the rod or, in more humane families, may be “tomato staked” meaning she is expected to stay right with Mama and do only what she is told to do for a set period of time.

The next stage of training begins at about school age. It can be summed up as “the cult of character.”  For Quiverfull families, like the Duggars, who belong to Bill Gothard’s Advanced Training Institute homeschooling program, “Character” will be the focus of education throughout the school years. Jerusha Faith and her siblings will likely take 3 complete trips thru the famous “Wisdom Booklets” which teach each of the Gothard-defined character qualities. So much focus is placed on these qualities that other educational subjects are often severely neglected.  Some mothers are more creative in this training than others and one book they may use to enhance creativity is Marilyn Boyer’s Fun Projects for Hands-On Character Building.

For girls one character quality receives even greater emphasis begining just before puberty: Virtue or Purity. Beginning with books such as “The Princess and the Kiss” by Jennie Bishop:

“On the day she came into the world, the royal couple gave their daughter a very special gift from God—her first kiss” (Bishop, 1999, p. 2).

From that moment on she will be surrounded with an odd mixture of encouragement and suspicion all aimed at keeping her not only technically a virgin, but totally untouched by any man’s hands or lips until her wedding day. [Of course, her Father may kiss her….]

Some families may have their Jerusha Faith and her Father participate in a Purity Ball. Her father will accept her promise to remain pure and give her a “purity ring” as a reminder of her promise. Her mother may do a study with her (and possibly other like-minded mothers and daughters) of Stacy McDonald’s book “Raising Maidens of Virtue” . Mrs. McDonald cautions parents that“certain yearnings [can be] awakened too early [and] can cause all kinds of temptations and trouble.” (McDonald, pp. 161-162). This study teaches girls the importance of her “purity:”

Part of your [parents'] responsibility to God and TO YOU is to guard your purity and insure you are faithful to your future husband EVEN NOW…..Emotional purity involves saving your romantic feelings for your husband…You will be able to offer him your WHOLE HEART on your wedding day—not just bits and pieces that are left. (McDonald, p. 162) [emphasis added]

McDonald also cautions girls not to read romance novels which may lure them into fantasizing about a “perfect husband” (McDonald, p. 162), citing Hebrews 13:5 which reads in part “and be content with such things as ye have….”

On her own, or with a sister or mother, Jerusha Faith may read Beautiful Girlhood—a classic for Chrisitan girls. Her parents may, however, remove or censor some material in Karen Andreola’s revision of this book since it advocates completing your education and being able to support yourself and a family if the need should arise later in life as well as the chapter about boys.

A little later in her teens, just before courtship “season,” Jerusha Faith may be found reading “Before You Meet Your Prince Charming”—a book recommended to elementary school children by one of the Duggar girls.(“18 Kids and Counting,” TLC, “School Daze” episode. See Youtube for complete episode.) Her parents may allow her to read specially written “courtship stories,” such as those written by the Castleberry family, which emphasize parental approval, waiting on God and trusting the Lord and your father.   Mostly, this pre-courtship and courtship phase will be spent as a daughter “at home” serving her own father in any way she can. [See: Return of the Daughters (check Youtube) and So Much More by the Botkin Sisters.

With her character trained, her mind directed to thoughts of others and her purity guarded what’s left for Jerusha Faith to do?   Plenty! While still in diapers, she will begin learning to help with simple household chores. She will definitely have chores to do almost from the moment she learns to walk. Like Mrs. Duggar, her mother may use the Managers of Her Home or Managers of Her School to schedule her day and may pin a Chore Pack on her children to remind them to be diligent in doing their chores!

Naturally, all of these chores can be “supplemented” with corrective chastisement as necessary. Jerusha Faith will need to model cheerful, willing, and immediate obedience to her siblings—some of whom she may be assigned to help with their own chores or with other tasks like getting dressed. By early elementary school she will be very experienced in the care of infants and toddlers thanks to her mother’s need for help and the consistent arrival of new siblings.

About the time she is in her “tween” years Jerusha Faith will be expected to begin formally learning the housekeeping tasks, social skills and other practical knowledge she will need as her future husband’s helpmeet and mother of his children.

While it is important to remember that all families are different, one popular “program” for training girls and teens in these skills centers on Ann Ward’s huge Training Our Daughters to Be Keepers At Home. Ward, who styles herself “Mrs. Craig (Ann) Ward,” on the title page offers a Ph.d. in housekeeping, practical nursing, child care, practical handcrafts and much more.

Each of the SEVEN years of this program has a very strong spiritual development component—usually featuring a classic Christian book. (For supplemental materials see the Unofficial Training Our Daughters web site.) Should Jerusha Faith marry a missionary to the 3^rd world or a backwoods homesteader, once she graduates from Ward’s program she is good to go—even free birthing her own child if necessary. This book uses the “holy grail” of cookbooks—the Sue Gregg whole grain books which fueled the “grind your own wheat” to bake your own bread movement among right-wing Christian families.

Jerusha Faith is now ready for the next stage in life—the ultimate stage—marriage and motherhood. She and her parents will be reviewing Mrs. McDonald’s advice to be sure she is “ready:”

…be well prepared for your groom when he comes. He will find you well-equipped to your position has his honored helpmate with your lantern filled, radiating purity. You will ease into motherhood with confidence, grace and an eager desire to serve. And, if you continue in your diligence serving here at home, you will be a much more organized and prepared homemaker….” (McDonald, p. 163)

During her years as a daughter at home, Jerusha Faith will be a sort-of “helpmeet in training” for her father. Non-quiverful, non-Patriarchal families often find this very odd—after all Dad has a wife. She will run errands, provide child care, do chores, plan and cook meals, help on the farm or in her father’s business if appropriate. If her father approves she may even start a home-based business. Basically she is to “serve” her family in any way she can—Jesus First, Others Second, Yourself forgotten by this time in her life. (See the Botkin Sisters, above, or blogs such as Firmly Fixed on the Father or  Aspiring Homemaker.)

Finally the day Jerusha Faith and her parents have been praying for: God has sent the man who wants to marry her! With her father’s blessing, the courtship can begin. It will likely be long and --rarely, if ever, will the couple be alone. One of the foundational books of the movement, A Full Quiver by Rick and Jan Hess sets the tone of what Dad will be looking for in a future son-in-law:

Strive to build Christian discipline and habits before marriage…..Another thing, especially for men, finish your education and training as as much as God allows, get established in your law firm, assembly line or home business, then get hitched to your sweetie” (Hess & Hess, 1990, p.) 137

A Godly man who is able to fully support not only a wife but a rapidly growing family are the only men who need apply for Jerusha Faith’s hand. Whether she likes the man or not, or has even met him, is not always very important—she is to trust God and her father in this matter. She will spend time in prayer as will her parents who have been praying about this man since her birth. It may be at this time, too, that she fully learns the “facts of life” and what will be expected of her in marriage.

Let’s leave Jerusha Faith for now and see what went on in a real Quiverfull Courtship—that of Joshua Duggar and his wife, Anna. The Duggars, as a Quiverfull and Patriarchal family, view their family in terms of a chain of command with God at the top and the father of the family as the “head” of the family. Bill Gothard’s ATI &IBLP teaches this as the father’s “umbrella of authority” over his family.

The use of an umbrella to symbolize protection is commonly understood and accepted. In the insurance industry, an overall coverage of protection is referred to as an “umbrella policy.” In the Bible, similar symbols teach the concepts of provision, protection, headship, and leadership.The use of this symbol in relation to the family is to give special encouragement to fathers to protect, instruct, lead, and provide for their wives, sons, and daughters. (http://billgothard.com/bill/teaching/authority)

When Joshua Duggar, met Anna Keller in a concession stand line at an ATI-homeschool event, he felt sure that she was “the one” God had chosen for him. He “knew” because he had been taught since childhood to be on the lookout the future wife God hand-picked for him.

I was taught to wait for God’s best in my life partner. But as time went along and I grew older it was harder to keep my heart only for the one that God had for my life partner. (Josh and Anna Duggar blog)

Josh spoke to his father about courting and was first counseled to pray, to listen carefully to God to be sure he was hearing God’s message correctly.  After a visit by the Keller family to the Duggar home,  Anna’s father asked her if there was any one  man God was leading her to. Was she called to be someone’s wife? When she said she thought it was Josh, her father agreed.  After the visit, Josh too, told his father he was sure. This resulted in a “virtual” courtship—supervised phone calls or Skype calls etc. Anna remembers her parents’ teachings on courtship:

Like Joshua I was raised in a Christian home, and my parents encouraged me to save my whole heart & purity for the one that God had for me. As a young girl, my parents told me that it was normal to have desires & thoughts, but that it was my responsibility to commit my future to the Lord and trust God to lead me in His timing.  (Josh and Anna Duggar blog)

On their show, and in their book, Jim-Bob and Michelle and their children return time and again to the discussion of not giving “pieces of your heart” away by dating. Choosing a spouse is the single most important thing after accepting the Salvation of Jesus Christ.

The Duggars teach their children to “guard their heart” in many ways. Courtship, not dating is one such way. Another is being very careful of the images and words the put into their brain. Limiting TV and Internet, and parental approval of reading material and music are another way the children are taught to “guard their hearts.”

Not being alone with a member of the opposite sex and only very limited touch is a very visible way of keeping pure. The Duggar children were also encouraged not to think “wrong thoughts” –which Joshua confesses was as hard for him as for any other young man. (Josh and Anna Duggar blog) As parents Jim-Bob and Michelle take time to help their children deal with such thoughts and encourage them with Scripture and prayer. (20 and Counting by Jim-Bob and Michelle Duggar and the Duggar family website and TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting).

Like most Quiverfull couples, Josh and Anna had a longer courtship than their engagement, the thinking being that courtship is “getting to know you” and engagement is “all but married” so “temptations” come into play and must be fought off.  During this time Josh focused on becoming a provider. On TV we were shown how they re-did an old rental house to live in and how Josh was developing a used car sales lot to support them.  Another difference between the Duggar courtship and other even more Conservative families was when Josh proposed to Anna he was allowed to slip the engagement ring onto Anna’s hand himself. This is not always the case. Since the ring symbolizes the coming “transfer of authority” over the young woman from her father to her husband-to-be [and is only final at the wedding] the father sometimes places the ring on the woman’s finger (see the blog Kristina’s Keepsakes).

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by Vyckie

The Quiverfull folks at Vision Forum are gearing up for their Baby Conference: A Historic Family Summit on the Triumph of Life Over the Culture of Death to be held in San Antonio, Texas this coming July.  According to conference promotional material:

As the world lauds barrenness for economic and personal convenience and marginalizes the value of our aging populace, we purpose to celebrate life and to explore a myriad of practical and theological issues that are pertinent to Christian families of the twenty-first century, such as: adoption, home birth, the coming cry for euthanasia on the horizon as our elderly generation increases, and the many blessings that come from raising children in the fear of the Lord.

One of the highlights of the Baby Conference will be a special “Ladies Tea Time” in which Michelle Duggar will be presented with a Mother of the Year award for “her heroic example to millions as a role model of Christian motherhood and her defense of life.”

As a former Quiverfull “mom of many” ~ I have to say that what Michelle modeled for me was an incredibly high standard of Christian motherhood. 

She inspired me with a vision of what a wonderful testimony my own family could be as I gave over my reproductive life into the Lord’s capable hands and trusted in Him to strengthen and empower me to raise up the children He blessed me with to be dedicated, faithful, on-fire Christians willing and able to do mighty exploits in the ever-intensifying battle against the advancing forces of darkness in this sin-sick nation.

Michelle made the whole big-happy-homeschool-family-living-for-Jesus picture of submissive helpmeet and prolific motherhood seem not only incredibly attractive ~ but fairly straightforward, uncomplicated … and doable.

All it takes are some basic administrative skills: organization, time management, delegation … plus, a biblical child-training program … and character education ~ to be sure the children are also inspired to cooperate … um, what else?  a piano teacher?  Too bad we couldn’t afford ATI ~ but if that had been truly necessary, surely the Lord would have moved us to Texas and provided more money (a lot more money).

We’d need to have God’s blessing, of course ~ but not to worry: with our wholehearted dedication to the Lord and unwavering adherence to the principles which He was revealing to us through the Word of God ~ as long as we were in His will ~ God’s blessing was pretty much guaranteed.

Having God’s blessing meant that whatever we lacked in competency, ability, health, time, money, etc. ~ the Lord would make up for so long as we remained faithful to His calling.

Isn’t that what the verse promises, after all?  Blessed is the man who has his quiver full of them?  So how could we go wrong?  Surely, if Michelle could do it with her mega-family ~ I could do it with “only seven” arrows in our quiver.

In the Quiverfull economy, “heroic Christian motherhood” simply means producing an abundance of children ~ trust the Lord, have babies ~ then keep on trusting that He’ll take care of the rest. 

What I found out after investing over a dozen years, plenty of money(I’d have thought nothing of forkng out the Baby Conference admission price of $85 per individual), every ounce of my energy ~ not to mention, my whole heart, mind, body and strength ~ is that the Quiverfull lifestyle is a perfect set up for child neglect. 

The truth is, there is absolutely NO WAY that one woman can be a decent ~ let alone good or exemplary ~ mother to so many children.

There. I said it.  It’s just impossible ~ plain and simple.

In the two-plus years since I left the QF lifestyle ~ I’ve been living off the collateral from all the effort invested in developing organizational skills and my sanity-preserving ”gift of delegation.”  Much of what I learned (lower your standards, use the crock-pot, etc.) from the Titus 2 ladies has really helped to keep us afloat. 

But recently, my health has not been so great (the result of too many pregnancies combined with PTSD has been adding up to frequent episodes of anxiety and depression) ~ and try as I might ~ I can’t keep up ~ and so I’m feeling completely overwhelmed.

So okay ~ I thought, I’ve done this before ~ even adding in homeschooling (which I’m no longer doing) ~ and managed for the most part to keep up.  Maybe it might help to do a little refresher course? ~ revisit the QF hints and tips which were so helpful in managing my little flock of “precious lambs” ~ in an effort to find ways of getting a handle on the huge amount of responsibility that comes with having so many children.

The only problem is ~ nearly all that helpful large-family management advice is dependent upon the underlying QF-parenting philosophy ~ which basically amounts to turning your kids into easy-to-control automatons and de facto family servants.

How does Michelle do it? 

Truthfully:

The older girls do the cooking. (Question #3)

The older children and their “buddies” do the cleaning. (Question #3)

She relies on “the buddy system” ~ older children care for and teach the younger ones ~ as explained by Jim Bob here:

M. DUGGAR: Yes, it is great, the buddy system. This house would not work if we didn’t have the buddy system. The older children mentor the younger ones. They help them with their little phonics lessons and games during the day, help them practice their music lessons. They will play with them or help them pick out the color of their outfit that they want to wear that day, and just all of those types of things.

(More on the Buddy System here.)

Training her daughters to be keepers at home explains how Michelle manages to feed her brood. (She delegates.) The Buddy System explains how Michelle manages the basics such as hygiene and homeschooling. (She delegates.)

What about the children’s social and emotional needs?  As a former QFer, I well remember the way we “moms of many” reassured ourselves with the thought that, while our quiver full of children are undoubtedly denied copious amounts of one-on-one time with Momma ~ the Lord has provided built-in friends and playmates so we could rest assured that our children were still getting plenty of love ~ an abundance of love, in fact ~ from each other. 

From Examiner.com: … watch those little details, like Jackson clinging to Jana for comfort after he was lost in the airport (while his parents laugh blithely in the background) or Jennifer crying for Jill whenever she’s upset. You can call it being a buddy all you want — the truth of the matter is that those girls are parenting their little siblings … (Again ~ she delegates.)

“Michelle Duggar is the real deal,” noted Doug Phillips, President of Vision Forum Ministries. “… She is clearly a mother deserving of this award, and we are excited to honor her as ‘Mother of the Year.’”

I disagree.

Consider this: According to the Christian Newswire report, “Jim Bob and Michelle will share their story together, and Michelle will also be hosting a separate Ladies Tea Time, which is close to selling-out in the two weeks since the event was announced.”

Please tell me who is going to be taking care of baby Josie while Michelle is in San Antonio accepting this mothering award and playing Tea Party with fellow QF moms who are privileged with the luxuries of time and money to attend this event? 

Seriously.  By the time of the Baby Conference in July, micro-preemie, Josie Duggar will only have been home from the hospital for a few months ~ she will need constant care for quite some time to come.  Is Michelle planning to delegate that care to the older girls?  Is she planning to bring little Josie along?

Michelle’s in-person acceptance of VF’s Mother of the Year award is … is … what? I hesitate to use the “H-word” ~ but, Wow ~ is it ever tempting! 

But, of course ~ the show must go on. 

Nobody gives Angelina Jolie a mothering award ~ because she pays others to take care of the kids for her.  Michelle Duggar does not pay her cooks, housekeepers, private tutors and nannies.  I don’t doubt that she has the very best of intentions, but honestly ~  reality dictates that at most, we should recognize her as a superior administrator.

If anyone in the Duggar household is going to receive a “Mother of the Year” award ~ shouldn’t it be the ones doing the majority of the actual mothering ~ that is, the four oldest daughters: Jana, Jill, Jessa, & Jinger?

I suppose the Vision Forum crowd looks at these four young ladies who graciously comply with the Duggar Family vision ~ and concludes that their joyful service is evidence of Michelle’s heroic Christian motherhood. 

The rest of us see a handful of beautiful girls and wonder, What the heck?!  Where’s all the drama?  ‘Cuz you know there ought to be plenty of drama with all these females in the family.  There’s something disturbing ~ even alarming ~ and certainly not praiseworthy about the mother of teen girls who don’t push their “buddies” back into Momma’s arms and say, “Take care of your own kids ~ I’ve gotta get ready for my date!”

My thanks to Kathryn Joyce, author of Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement, for bringing the Baby Conference and Michelle’s “Mother of the Year” award to my attention.

Discuss this post on the NLQ forums!
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‘Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

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