debi pearl

This article was originally posted at She Keeps Bees.

by KM

You have probably heard the story by now.  Scott and Andrea Bass, the Arizona couple who locked a fourteen year old girl in a bathroom without running water for two months and tortured her to the point of starvation?  I’m wondering if this is a homeschooling Quiverfull family–and, if so, why the media has not remarked on it yet?

Let me be very clear here: I am not making this leap based merely on reports that the family homeschools. I recognize that it is impossible to generalize that all homeschoolers are Quiverfull fundamentalists, and that there are many viable reasons for homeschooling that have nothing to do with extremist religious ideology. Even though it is well-established that a large percentage of homeschoolers are Christian conservatives (See, for instance, the US Census statistics here), broad strokes about homeschooling are beside the point.

Mostly, I’m wondering about this because the style of “punishment” seems so parallel to so many of the stories of abuse written by ex-Quiverfull women and children.  We know from major media outlets that the Bass child was locked in a small bathroom without running water–a small bathroom roughly the shape of a closet.  We also know that the Bill Gothard organization–best known for its homeschooling wing, the Advanced Training Institutes of America (ATIA)–routinely generates survivor stories about people who are locked in what followers call the prayer closet. Besides the prayer closet, it’s well-known that Bill Gothard actively promotes other forms of Bible-based child abuse.

Continue reading »

by aussiemama
 

CTBHHM-Logo

 
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

I was so frustrated, I had no idea where I had gone wrong with “Created to Be His Help Meet” but I decided that the problem was definitely with me. The book said so! Any marriage problem could be traced back to the woman. I needed to accept that I as a woman was pure evil and my husband was like a god. So why did the mere thought of that make me feel so uneasy and miserable?

So I shifted from “Created to Be His Help Meet” when I found Vision Forum’s materials. I felt that I had now hit the jackpot with the epitome of all that is Christian Womanhood. I read Christian Womanhood blogs. I even started “encouraging” bloggers like Kelly at Generation Cedar, because, after all, these poor women were being attacked by baby-hating feminists who were just rebellious women that didn’t like authority.

I started out my collection small, with what we could afford. I spent my own money on trash like “Passionate Housewives Desperate for God” and “So Much More”. I had so many questions about Christian Womanhood, and nobody could answer them for me. They kept just referring me to the appropriate books where I could learn about it for myself.

I had people approach me and ask me if I was planning on home schooling my son who was only a couple of months old. What an insult, of course I was! Like any other good Baptist woman I was going to home school. And yes, my husband and I dated, but my children would be shown a better way, that of courtship. I was insulted every time I was asked if we planned on having any more kids. Of course I was! As many as God gave us. I was already pregnant again by the time my first was eight weeks old. Every time I was told that we would “change our minds” as we get older, I’d get frustrated thinking that it was sad that this person did not understand God’s plan for families having as many children as He gave them.

I was doing all the “right” things. Why was I so empty inside?

Discuss this post on the NLQ Grandstand forums!

Invite others to the NLQ Carnival Days using the buttons below to share this post on Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites:

by aussiemama

pink

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

I used to have an illusion that when I got married, we’d be one big, happy, patriarchial family. My husband would be a strong leader, I would be the submissive housewife. I was a “good Baptist girl”. I was a stay at home wife (and soon to be mom – was pregnant within two weeks of marriage), was growing very long hair (which I still like), only wore skirts and dresses (which I still do but for much different reasons). I went to church every time the doors were open even though my morning sickness was a terrible, all day ordeal where I couldn’t eat a thing but still kept vomiting, and couldn’t keep down any liquids, even water or Gatorade, and I had it until right about 30 weeks.

But none of that mattered, because everyone knew I was a “good Baptist girl”. I had some acceptance within more conservative Baptist circles. I didn’t feel like I’d ever been accepted anywhere before. What I was soon to find out was that it was pointless to be accepted into a group that wasn’t me and where I didn’t belong. I was miserable. I felt that my husband did not appreciate what I did for him in things like getting up early even though I was very sick, to prepare him breakfast. To this day he prefers to just grab himself a bowl of cereal and maybe have something special on Saturday or Sunday. I appreciate that now – I have three small children to get breakfast for every day.

The first year and a half of our marriage I was striving so hard to be the perfect submissive housewife. It wasn’t working, because I had brains, and feelings of my own. My husband and I were both miserable. So I read “Created to Be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl. I put into practice the ideas, and waited for my husband to turn into a great spiritual head of the family. He didn’t. He grew into a grumpy and extremely frustrated man.

One day he yelled at me and asked me what had happened to me, because whatever it was, he hated it and wanted his old wife back. I broke down in tears yelling back at him that I had “tried so hard to be the perfect woman for him and he didn’t even appreciate it”. I showed him the book. My husband is not a man of many words or strong language, but he had many words and strong language for the book when I showed it to him, and told me that he “didn’t want that kind of trash in his house” and that he “didn’t view me like that”.

Discuss this post on the NLQ Grandstand forums!

Invite others to the NLQ Carnival Days using the buttons below to share this post on Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking sites:

With Promises of Protection, Security and Ultimate Victory, Peddlers of “Family Values” Manufactured a Culture War, and Capitalized on Our Fears

Please note: This post has been modified to clarify the point I want to make which is this:

I have no problem with making a buck ~ earning an honest living. In fact, that’s exactly what I’ve got in mind in running the NLQ website, writing a book, etc. ~ I do not apologize for these efforts to support myself and my children.

What makes me sick is that the “need” which the Quiverfull philosophy and lifestyle are being marketed to fill is manufactured and exaggerated in order to sell the product.

A friend recently put it this way: It’s like buying insurance to protect you from the boogeyman under the bed.

Exactly.

Selling books and materials which address an ACTUAL need is one thing ~ but creating fear and then capitalizing on those fears is better suited for the Mafia than for Christian entrepreneurs.

by Vyckie

I’ve had a sick feeling in my stomach lately.  It’s the feeling that comes along with a growing realization that the Quiverfull worldview and lifestyle which I felt that I had carefully considered and thoughtfully adopted is, in actuality, a product called “biblical family values” which is being aggressively marketed as an investment to safeguard our loved ones from becoming collateral damage in today’s war against the family.

That's right ~ Quiverfull is a product and we bought it big-time.

That’s right ~ Quiverfull is a product and we bought it big-time.

What got me started thinking this way is a bit of information which I came across recently while doing market research for my book proposal (which, btw ~ is shaping up rather nicely ~ I’m feeling pretty good about what I have so far):

Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl currently has an Amazon sales rank of 1,891 in books ~ that’s up from a rank of 4,120 at the end of August (’09 ~ less than a month ago).

I should have figured this out much sooner

Seems that I should have been immune to the marketing strategies of those who ruthlessly engender fear and dissatisfaction so they can offer their products as the remedy for the very malady which they themselves created.  After all, one of the first “family values” books I read is All The Way Home: Power for Your Family to be Its Best ~ in which author, Mary Pride explains that happy, well-adjusted families are not very profitable.  In order to sell self-help books, couple’s retreats, therapy sessions, etc. ~ husbands and wives (mainly wives) need to be convinced that something’s wrong ~ something’s missing ~ they need help!

Exactly.  That’s why we didn’t watch television, read popular magazines or otherwise expose ourselves to the endless barrage of advertisements calculated to instill feelings of discontent in our hearts ~ sure saved ourselves a lot of money that way. Continue reading »

by Vyckie

100_5911

Mom & Dad are in love … but is a patriarchal relationship of entitlement-meets-martyrdom a healthy and mutually beneficial expression of love?

Following a recent interview with the religion editor of our local newspaper, I’ve been thinking more about what I’ve learned from St. Bernard of Clairvaux concerning the four “degrees” of love which the ancient monk postulated in considering man’s relationship to God (note that this applies to all other relationships as well) ~ although I’ve already written briefly on this topic here, I’d like to now give a more thorough explanation:

Level 1) I love me for my benefit ~ here’s an infantile, self-involved person with a severe personality disorder ~ excessive self-love and the inability to recognize or acknowledge the distinct individuality of others.  This is narcissism ~ pure ego ~ unaware of, or indifferent to, differing experiences, ideas, interests, concerns, etc. which are the reality of friends, neighbors and family.  This relationship proceeds from and results in the demoralization of all concerned ~ it is all about ME ~ there is no you.

Level 2) I love you for my benefit ~ a person with this sense of entitlement and prerogative is at least a step up from the complete egomaniac.  This sort of self-love allows for the existence and personhood of others, if only as mere extensions of themselves ~ to be utilized and manipulated exclusively for their personal advancement and satisfaction.  This relationship incorporates exploitation and privilege ~ it is all about you for ME.

Level 3)  I love you for your benefit ~ here we have the martyr mentality which gives little to no thought for oneself.  It is self-denial, self-abnegation ~ living wholly for the other with no consideration of personal needs and desires.  It is a continual pouring out and giving up of self ~ literally laying down your life for others.  This relationship is the epitome of deprivation ~ it is absolutely not about ME ~ my needs do not even enter into the equation.

While a life devoted solely to others might seem admirable and even Christ-like, St. Bernard was careful to make the point that this level of martyrdom is unsustainable ~ if you don’t mind ending up dead or wishing you were dead from sheer exhaustion, self-loathing and despondency ~ go ahead and give it a try.

Level 4) I love me for your benefit ~ anyone who has traveled by plane is familiar with the potentially life-saving admonition, “In the event that the cabin loses pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling above you. First, place the mask over your own nose and mouth; then, assist others…” Such advice is sensible ~ and it is really the only option capable of sustaining a mutually beneficial, healthy relationship over the long haul.  This relationship establishes reciprocity and mutuality ~ symbiosis, if you will ~ it is all about me for YOU and you for ME ~ it is a form of self-love, but it is not selfish.

So ~ what does all of this have to do with the Quiverfull/Patriarchal philosophy and lifestyle?

As I’ve mentioned before, the demanding Quiverfull life is a recipe for burn-out ~ not only for Mom ~ but for the older daughters as well.  And though at first glance the hierarchical family structure with husband as head and wife as submissive helper may appear to be an inviting set-up for the men ~ the day to day reality, and the long-term effect of being indiscriminately catered to ~ the perpetual indulgence of power and control ~ turns out to be not such a sweet deal for Daddy after all. Continue reading »

by Vyckie

happy_face_www

Frequently in the comments section here at NLQ, we hear from women who are living the quiverfull/patriarchy lifestyle and are loving it ~ these women often feel that No Longer Quivering is portraying *all* QF/P families as oppressive and abusive ~ and understandably, they feel defensive about the perceived attack on their freely-chosen lifestyle.

Early on, when we first started this blog, there was an exchange along these lines which I really have been wanting to highlight ~ and I’m finally getting around to digging these posts out of the comment section and bringing them front and center because I believe that the response from “Journey” deserves some serious consideration. Continue reading »

No Longer Quivering Visitors Since March 7, 2009:

No Longer Quivering's YouTube Playlist

Powered by WebRing®.

© 2010 No Longer Qivering ~ There is no 'you' in Quivering
Suffusion WordPress theme by Sayontan Sinha