by Tapati
Grandpa Glen and Grandma Velma Tallman
My mother sounds like a horrible person as I write about her blocking my efforts to leave home, hitting me, and subsiding into depression and suicide. Of course there remains a stigma associated with mental illness and it’s difficult for most people to find compassion for people who act out when their illness is poorly managed. In the 1970s there weren’t any really good anti-depressants on the market and the ones offered to my mom came with some hefty side effects. Psychotherapy also wasn’t as sophisticated. I wonder how she would have responded to modern therapies but I can never know.
Mom didn’t develop her illness in a vacuum. There is a genetic component and childhood abuse and neglect involved. I couldn’t say exactly how far back these behaviors go. I know Mom was physically abused by her father, Glen Tallman, to the point of drawing blood during a beating with a shoe. I know that he himself showed signs of severe depression in later years. I know that my own beloved Grandpa, Jerry Hull, was accused by both Mom and Aunt Virginia of trying to molest them from the time he became their stepfather, when they were just 11 and 9, respectively. I also know that my mom forever felt unloved by Grandma, and I observed the relentless criticism and scornful comments both to her face and behind her back. I’ve suspected that Grandma similarly felt she never got her own mother’s full approval.
