by Kiery
When we arrived, my boyfriend’s family and pastor took me in and became my adopted family. They ministered to me and loved me, and generally instilled the confidence in myself, in God, and in family that I had lost.
When we announced the news of my engagement, my family started writing my pastor and generally trying to sabotage my wedding by not sending my dress or supporting me in any way. To give me my dress would the same as giving money to a homeless drunk in their eyes. My in-laws and my boyfriend paid for everything, and we used the church for free.
It was a (perfect) small wedding. My grandparents came and I walked the aisle alone. I liked this because, it was me, making a decision. My pastor asked me after the ceremony how I felt, and I answered “free.” I made it. I didn’t give up, and I did what I knew was right. It was worth the pain, the depression, and the sacrifice to be free.
I’ve left a lot behind, I think differently, I don’t view the world as I used to, and I’m enjoying having the liberty to learn and grow. My husband and I have been married over a year, are stronger than ever, and enjoy being able to make decisions without being worried about unneeded input. I am now confident and pleased with myself – no longer hating my own guts.
My relationship with my parents fluctuates between shallow and non-existent. In time, I hope they’ll accept me as an adult, and not view me as their unrepentant child who still needs training. I hope someday, they’ll be willing to listen, and love me because I’m their daughter, respect my decisions (and husband) because I’m an adult, and have a healthy relationship with me. I’d love for that to be soon. I’m sorry for any wrong or pain I’ve caused them. I know they meant well, they were trying as hard as they could. I don’t want them to think that because I’m different, that it means I’m bad or rejecting them, just that, I’m a person.
I guess if there’s anything to be learned from my story it’s that there’s hope. Sometimes it’s hard to see, but there’s a way out, a way to freedom, a way to life, and it’s worth the pain to find it.
