Tag: The Remnant

No Charity in the Remnant ~ Part 8: Bull in China Shop

September 12, 2011
by Whisper Rain

Whisper was taken under the wing of some of the godly people at her new church. They taught her how to sew, and how to cook the way they did… which was very different from what she was used to. She felt like there was so much she needed to learn and re-learn to be a truly godly woman, but she was willing to do it! Where would she be if she hadn’t met these people? Not living the way God expected her to, that was for sure! She was so thankful God had led her to a group of people who really understood what he wanted- people who were serious about God, and who would do anything he told them to. Looking around at the average, “professing christians” living such “lukewarm” lives, it was very clear how few people were willing to go all out for God.

All her life, Whisper had made friends easily and naturally. Until now. As her social life started to revolve more and more around people from church, Whisper felt her status as an outsider keenly. Many of the young people in the youth group had been born and raised in “The Community” or a similar one, and they didn’t seem to notice that they formed a very exclusive core group… or that the only way to be a part of it was to be born (or marry) into one of their solidly established, reputable families. Little things that were natural to them (like having been brought up speaking Dutch or German- or being proud descendants from well known Amish or Mennonite communities) quickly showed who was “in” and who was “out.” Either you naturally fit, or you didn’t. Whisper didn’t.

As far as the adults were concerned, Whisper’s drastic change (or “conversion experience,” as it came to be known), kind of gave her a pass. She acted on almost all of the teaching she received… Whisper was the ideal convert. An almost-perfect example of someone becoming a “new creation.”

Having not been brought up in The Community, Whisper began to find out that she was a bit of a bull in a china shop there. There were certain unspoken rules that were understood by everyone who had been there long… and Whisper started learning them slowly and painfully. Sometimes, for whatever reason, a “concerned person” would take it upon themselves to inform Whisper (or her mother) what people were saying about her latest faux pas. The original offended party was usually well hidden.

Whisper came to realize that no matter how hard she tried to fit and blend in… she still didn’t. These “godly people” found something to be scandalized about even in her best efforts…

Full post …

No Charity in the Remnant ~ Part 7: She Trusted Them Because She Trusted God …

August 14, 2011

by Whisper Rain

The months that followed were a bit of a blur. Whisper’s newfound happiness was getting attention, and she had to figure out how to explain it. People would just walk up to her out of the blue and ask her what happened, because she looked like a different person. At the time, the simplest explanation that made the most sense (in the context of the teaching in her new church) was that she had finally surrendered herself to God completely. Yes, it felt a little “off” to put it that way… it was a woeful oversimplification at best… and a complete fabrication at worst. But Whisper didn’t know how to explain what had happened, so it didn’t seem like such a big deal to let people think it was something they could easily understand. She didn’t think there was any harm in letting it go at that. Especially since the being of love she had encountered that night was someone she certainly wouldn’t have hesitated to surrender to.

Whisper listened with rapt attention to the preaching at her new church. She was so excited to hear about God and study the bible! She soaked up the teaching like a sponge. Then she went home and read all the popular Christian books, careful to keep her mind open to whatever new ideas they might present to her… A life of trust was so simple! At first, she very rarely rejected an idea from a christian source, believing that God was moving everywhere, and might speak to her through anything, if she would keep an open mind and listen. Whisper bought all the books on godly womanhood that she could find- she quickly filled a bookshelf. Then she discovered “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” and started collecting books about courtship, modesty, and various other popular Christian topics. Whisper quickly became convinced that she needed not only to be a Christian, but to be a conservative Christian. More dedicated than the average “lukewarm” variety, and therefore closer to God. More than anything Whisper wanted to be close to God. One day Whisper overheard a glowing review of the book “Created To Be His Help Meet”… so she added it to her “must read” list.

After her experience, Whisper knew deep down that some of the things she started doing & believing were outright reactions to her “old self.” She thought that was a good thing! Happiness instead of misery was good! And it really was. But quickly, under the teaching she was now open to, independence was traded in for submission. Individuality traded in for femininity and “modesty.” Critical thought was replaced with “teachableness.” She willingly destroyed her secular CDs, and replaced them with hymns. Whisper’s parents started to get uncomfortable… what was happening to their daughter? WAS this their daughter?

Whisper left her old self behind. She didn’t really let herself think much about that “dark time” before (as she was told) “the light of the gospel shined in her heart.” Even the very event, the beautiful thing that had happened to her that night, was dragged out into the light, picked apart and labeled. That was her “conversion experience.” She quickly learned to define it all in the correct terms.

Whisper began to learn that, in her new church, there was more to outward appearances than she had thought. These people didn’t dress the way they did because it was comfortable. There was a specific meaning behind everything… either a verse of scripture or a “godly principle.” They dressed the way they did to be an example to the world- to truly be a shining light.

No Charity in the Remnant ~ Part 6: Finally!

July 1, 2011

by Whisper Rain

Finally! Whisper gleefully jumped into her car and took off toward the Dietz’s house. She knew Angelica well enough to know that things wouldn’t be strained between the two of them because of their little exchange through letters awhile back. She had written a somewhat apologetic letter back to Angelica after her salvation was questioned, and had carefully kept her letters very vanilla ever since. Angelica was a picture of grace and forgiveness, as always, and Whisper felt no need to worry.

She finished the long drive, and all of the Dietz girls were happy to see her! She felt the comforting, familiar sensation of being around people she understood. If that new church did nothing else good for her, at least it made the Dietz’s funny little religious quirks seem almost cute by comparison… Whisper shivered… she wasn’t going to think about that place or those people. Not here. This weekend was going to be fun!

And it was. All of the girls were growing up, and had tons to talk and laugh about. The Dietz’s always had lots of small children and babies around, and things were kind of chaotic, but definitely never boring. Whisper enjoyed her time with them. Finally, the last night of her visit rolled around…

No Charity in the Remnant ~ Part 5: They had freedom and liberty and so many choices …

June 9, 2011

by Whisper Rain

Whisper’s parents went to the church they’d heard about on Sunday morning. When they got home, they were cautiously optimistic. Maybe this was the right place for them. Maybe the Rains could finally fit in somewhere, and be a part of something that would be a good, godly influence on their family. Maybe some new friends would be good for the children, especially Whisper. It was drastic… but it seemed like it was time for something drastic.

When the next Sunday rolled around, Whisper’s parents were much more picky than usual about the kids’ clothes. Yes, the girls were wearing skirts but… they’d better take off their jewelry too. And the boys had better wear button up shirts and keep them tucked in. Whisper started getting worried. It was a long drive to this church, and before they got there, her parents turned around and gave everybody another nervous once over.

They pulled into the parking lot. The church building was very plain and immaculate white. Even the gravel in the parking lot was flawless… not a pothole to be seen. The parking lot was full of well-kept vehicles. There were a lot of maxi vans there. A few people were standing around talking while they made their way to the building, and at the sight of them, Whisper’s heart fell into her shoes. Beards. Carefully combed hair. White head coverings. Homemade dresses. Charity people. She could hardly breathe. No… she wouldn’t go in there.

They parked the van at the end of a row of other vans. Whisper was rooted to her seat. No. This couldn’t be happening. Her parents and brothers and sisters got out, and waited for her. NO. “Please,” her parents said, “give it a try. It couldn’t hurt to give it a try.” NO. “Please?”

She looked at her parents. She knew they were doing their best. She knew they loved her. They thought this was a good place. These people apparently knew something special about God. Her parents were trying to do what was right- and it couldn’t have been easy for them to walk in there either. Whisper got out of the van.

They walked into the building, past the stares. Even in their long denim skirts & button down shirts, which had seemed so conservative… they stood out in the crowd. People made a path to let them through… or was it to stay out of their way? Whisper couldn’t tell. Not many people smiled at them. A few men came to greet Dad, but their wives and children hung back and tried not to stare.

No Charity in The Remnant ~ Part 4: Biblical Proof

May 1, 2011

by Whisper Rain

Whisper stared at Angelica’s letter for a long, long time. She forgot to blink, and the words on the page blurred. “Whisper, are you saved?” She started to tremble… then shake… the horrible descriptions of hellfire she’d heard long ago rang in her ears. “YES!” She told herself. “I prayed the prayer!.. I prayed it so many, many times. I meant it! I MUST be saved!”

Phrases from Charity sermons she’d heard around the house came back to haunt her… painstaking, detailed descriptions of all the actions that “naturally flow out of a life TRULY dedicated to God.” Whisper was not submissive. She did not give a hoot about “modesty”… not according to those people’s standards anyway. She loved her rock music. She valued discussion- and even arguments!- much, much more than the appearance of a “meek and quiet spirit.” Heck, there wasn’t an ounce of “meek and quiet spirit” in her body.

All that and more… a mountain of “biblical proof” of her lost condition piled up in Whisper’s mind, towering over her like a monster. It was as if God himself stood on top of the pile, glaring at her. She was obviously worthy of hell, and it didn’t matter how much she meant that prayer… her choices and preferences, and even her anger at being told what to do like a child, all witnessed against her, that she was nothing but a screw up. God was terrifying. Hell was terrifying. And Whisper felt like she was suspended between them, being dragged toward hell by a force she couldn’t control… her own identity.

Whisper was physically shaking with fear. She sat down. She feebly prayed the prayer again. Nothing. She rephrased it. Still nothing. Slowly, she made her way to her bedroom. She had to do something. Her mind was cracking. She rummaged around and found the dagger she had bought awhile back. She pulled it out of it’s sheath. It was shiny and beautiful. For a moment, Whisper wanted to hurt herself with it… it would be a distraction from the pain and fear that were gnawing at her stomach. She shook her head hard… NO. What if she messed up? What if she bled out and died? Hell was right there, waiting for her. She had to avoid it while she could.

She glanced up at her bedroom window. Through the screen, she could see sunlight sifting past the leaves of the tree outside. It was beautiful out there. She could get out. She could run. Maybe she could get away from the fear- she could find someplace to go where she wouldn’t have to hear that oh-so-humble voice with the funny accent… telling her what a failure she was… ever again. She got a grip on her dagger and decided to slash the window screen wide open and run. She paused for just a moment…

No Charity in The Remnant ~ Part 3: Rebellion

April 14, 2011

by Whisper Rain

Whisper ran outside, down the slope, and into a tangle of trees. She sat down in the grass, in shock. It was kind of a blur, what had happened just now in the house… something that had never happened before in her sixteen years of life. It was joked about maybe, but never for real… but this… this was dead serious.

Her parents used to feel kind of sorry for her friends who lived their lives inside a rigid cage of rules. The Rains didn’t operate that way! Whisper’s parents were her friends! But the way she had just been talked to in that house felt anything but friendly… it felt demeaning.

Denny Kenaston’s archaic chatter about “modesty” and “submission,” and warnings about “harlotry” had sounded so silly and harmless coming out of the stereo… but when it was rephrased into new rules… into new expectations for her behavior, those words were like weapons. The amount of pain they inflicted surprised her. They suggested that her individuality was evil… that her preferences were rebellious… that her independence was ungodly. She was furious. She knew she had blown up- she had shouted at her parents. She had probably sworn at them, and she knew she had slammed the door on her way out. Her heart pounded and her eyes burned… she wanted to go anywhere… anywhere but back into that house.

She looked down at her jeans. She had saved up money and bought them herself. She didn’t have very many pairs, but they were cute and flattering, and she lived in them. Whisper knew that when she stood up and went back into the house, she was expected to go straight to her room and replace them with a long, frumpy denim skirt. The thought made her sick. If she were really a “godly daughter” according to those horrible tapes, she’d probably give away her jeans. Or even throw them away so that she wouldn’t “allow another young lady to dress immodestly”… Whisper groaned. This whole thing felt embarrassingly ridiculous. Obviously she wasn’t very godly. She curled up on the ground and stayed there for a long time. It got dark.

Eventually, Whisper dragged herself up off the ground and walked back up to the house. She stared at the bright windows. Her house was beautiful. Her family was fun… maybe… maybe it wasn’t such a big deal. Maybe her parents hadn’t meant it the way that it came across. Maybe she should just wear a stupid skirt for awhile out of respect for her Dad, and the whole thing would blow over.

Something inside of her wanted to turn around and walk away that night. She remembered her aunt jokingly telling her that if she ever needed to run away, she was welcome at her house. It was tempting… just walk a couple miles to a neighbor’s and make the phone call… Whisper jerked herself back to reality and slowly walked back into the house. She carefully folded her jeans and put them away… and then she went to bed.

In the morning, she put on a skirt. Her parents smiled at her, and she fake smiled back.

No Charity in The Remnant ~ Part 2: Just Follow

April 5, 2011

by Whisper Rain

When Whisper woke up the morning after praying the Sinner’s Prayer with her parents, she didn’t really think about it much.

Nothing was different. Life at the Rain house went on as usual. Homeschooling every day, changing clothes to go to friends’ houses, and yes, church was still scary. Her parents and brothers and sisters were her favorite people in the world. Second place went to the Orwells, the family who had moved south with them. The Orwells came over a lot, they were Whisper’s family’s best friends! The children were close enough in age that everybody had somebody to play with.

Around this time, two new things started happening. Whisper started noticing Mama Rain getting a lot more serious about certain things. She would get up early so she could spend time reading her bible. She had started listening to tapes of a preacher from up north… a preacher with a funny, almost german-sounding accent that struck Whisper as interesting. She had never heard an accent like that before. That preacher shouted a lot, but his shouting was different. He used King James English a lot too- he said things like, “heritage,” “covenant,” “godly seed” and “as unto the Lord” when he wasn’t even quoting the bible. His messages seemed to have less to do with fire and damnation… which was kind of nice. One day a tape came in the mail from this preacher, and after Mama Rain listened to it, she tied a bandanna on over her hair. Whisper caught something in passing about “submission” and “authority.” She didn’t think about it much though.

The other new thing that started happening was that Mama Rain’s best friend, Mrs. Orwell, started calling a lot more often. Mrs. Orwell always seemed to be upset. She needed someone to talk to, but the things she said were happening seemed unthinkable. Mama Rain wasn’t sure what to do… and the next thing they knew, Mrs. Orwell had left her family. She filed for divorce. Now she didn’t call Mama Rain as often… and when she did Mama Rain didn’t know what to say.

The little southern town started buzzing with gossip about the Orwells. Most of what was said was unkind and hurtful. They stopped coming to church, and Mr. Orwell didn’t really want to be around anyone who reminded him of the past… Whisper’s best friends were suddenly gone. The Orwell children were put into public school. Their lives were upside down, and all of a sudden Whisper had nothing in common with them. It hurt to be pushed away like that. Whisper was a teenager by this time, and it really upset her that she couldn’t be there for these people she cared so much about. The Orwells and the Rains grew apart, but Whisper and her family never stopped thinking about them, and hoping they were okay.

Thankfully, the little Baptist church started having problems and split in half right around then, and in the confusion, the Rain family stopped going & nobody noticed. Soon after that, they moved away from that little town, up into the mountains. Angelica Dietz faithfully wrote letters to Whisper after they moved. The girls had less and less in common, but Angelica still kept writing regularly, and Whisper felt obligated to answer.

Angelica was a model daughter. A contented follower. She loved being gentle and feminine, and taking care of babies, and wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mother of many on a farm someday. She was secure in her belief in God, and that he had saved her when she was very young.

Whisper, on the other hand, had never had much use for feminine things. She liked being strong and independent, and enjoyed building things and fixing things with her Dad. She was fascinated with anatomy and biology, and wanted to learn to perform surgeries and heal people someday. Her thoughts about God were sporadic and uncomfortable. She was still afraid of God and hell, but she told herself that the Prayer she had prayed all those years ago was all God wanted. Now she was safe from his wrath… she hoped. So she put it out of her mind as much as possible.

No Charity in The Remnant ~ Part 1: The Sinner’s Prayer

March 22, 2011

by Whisper Rain

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. We’ll call her Whisper Rain. :) She was a furiously happy little girl- she had tons of energy & was sometimes loud and difficult, but her parents loved her very much just the way she was.

Soon her little brothers and sisters started coming along, and happy little Whisper got even happier. She was confident- and bossy sometimes- but her little brothers and sisters didn’t seem to mind. She made up stories and jumped on the couch, and even cussed like a sailor once in awhile.

One day Whisper’s Mommy was excited! She had met Jesus, and now she finally felt like, through his strength and with his guidance, she could be the Mommy she’d always wanted to be for her children. The Rain family started going to church, and the people there were very nice. The children did all kinds of fun things at church, and made friends. Whisper started public school and made more friends! Sometimes they’d take along some school friends to church, and they all had a good time together.

All the kids in the neighborhood liked to come play at the Rain’s house, because it was a fun place to be. Sometimes she’d go to their houses to play too, and sometimes while she was there she would see parents fighting and yelling, and slamming doors… and that kind of scared her. It was so different from home, where Mom and Dad would sing songs with you and play hide and seek and video games with you… Whisper liked her family.

When Whisper was in third grade, her Daddy lost his job and her parents decided to move down south to look for work. One of Daddy’s friends was planning to move too, and the families got to know each other and decided to make the move together! Their new friends, the Orwells, had a boy right around Whisper’s age, and they quickly became friends. Finally, the house sold and Whisper said goodbye to her grandparents and cried as she watched them get smaller and smaller in the U-Haul truck’s big rearview mirror. It was a LONG drive to this new state they were moving to! Everything there was different! Their new town was so small! The people there talked with a funny accent. But at least they had their new friends nearby!