There is no "you" in Qivering

Meekness vs. Anger  -Yielding my personal rights and expectations to God (Psalm 62:5)  – Bill Gothard

by RazingRuth

After a year with our family, Kay left…and in many ways, so did my mother.  Admittedly, my mom was more organized and seemed to take more control over her wild boys.  The housework was being done and Elijah, the oldest, was being homeschooled four days a week.  There was a schedule that hung on the kitchen wall and woe to the person who didn’t keep to it. 

My father came home, when he was in town, to properly prepared and served dinners and a wife who “took time to make herself pretty” for her husband, “lest he should think she didn’t consider his desire to come home to beauty, rather than chaos”.  Admittedly, the outside world thought my mother had got over her PPD and was now the picture of domesticity.  However, the reality was that her vibrant and dynamic spirit was replaced with submission and guilt.

by Vyckie

Oh yikes ~ last week is such a blur ~ I hardly remember it.  First, I caught a cold from the kids ~ and if that didn’t make me feel rotten enough, I also got a horrible migraine that had me in bed sleeping for most of two days.

Thus, the major blogathon neglect.

I am doing considerably better today, but I still feel a little weak and shaky.  So, between that and falling seriously behind on everything last week, I’m back to work on the blogathon ~ but it’ll be a slowish start and hopefully I’ll pick up steam as the week goes on.

Anyway ~ on with the NLQ Blogathon update:

1) To promote the Take Heart Project: 

We’re still working on this!  I am super pleased to report that last week, even though I didn’t get much blogging done, I was able to pair up an NLQ member who has recently left the QF beliefs and lifestyle, with a volunteer counselor for the Take Heart Project.  As we were “chatting” in the NLQ Chat Room, I was feeling rather overwhelmed as she told me of her current situation ~ and then it occurred to me that I have several qualified counselors who have emailed me to offer their services ~ what a relief to be able to provide real, practical help free of charge ~ to support this courageous mother of 8 in her journey to freedom and healthier relationships. 

So ~ I feel like the Take Heart Project is “official” now ~ Woo hoo!  We still have plenty of work to do ~ but this is a promising start.

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“…in control of their ability…”

By SargassoSea 

You may remember that the last time we met I had offered YOU! the opportunity to write your answer to the Prairie Muffin Manifesto’s Point #3 “…in control of their ability…” and to be eligible to win ‘Brandy’, our Gal of Snifter Proportions!

While I’m disappointed that so many of you who had such interesting points of view to share on Point #2 didn’t take advantage of this once in a lifetime offer*, I am however (sort of wackily) pleased to present:

The Poll:

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Gentleness vs. Harshness – Showing personal care and concern in meeting the need of others (I Thessalonians 2:7) – Bill Gothard

by RazingRuth

From my earliest memories, my mother was a study in contrasts.  Our home was chaotic (three boys and a new baby, all under the age of five).  After my birth, my parents purposed to begin homeschooling.  I say “my parents”, but that just means that dad decided mom would be doing her Christian duty best if she homeschooled.  Not to mention the fact that dad’s employer and spiritual advisor had an up-and-coming curriculum that he was constantly retooling for use by homeschoolers.  Mom could homeschool the children and dad could use the experience as a testimony and leg-up at work.  It was a win-win – for dad. 

My mom, on the other hand, was struggling and we all knew it.   The boys took advantage of her disorganization and frustrations, as most preschoolers would.  Many times a day, she would gather me from my blanket or playpen, sit down to nurse me and cry.  She would sit in the rocking chair, in the midst of the noise and activity generated by the boys, and stroke my back while tears poured from her eyes.  When I was done eating, she’d try to create the illusion of control and happy domesticity before company or my father returned home.

I think my mother suffered from post partum depression when I was born.   When my brothers told my father how mom cried and sat in the chair most days, my father finally realized she needed help.  He turned to his spiritual advisor for advice.  This man told my father that my mom’s problems were from a lack of faith in the Lord and that the only way to get her over her depression was to get her to submit to God’s will.  He asked my father to allow him to send “help” into our home.  My father readily agreed and “Kay” was sent to stay with us for a month. 

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by Vyckie

Since NLQ actually is a means of support for my family, I am shamelessly soliciting donations during the blogathon. I’m still a single mom with 5 kids at home, so any contributions will be a big help. I’ve set a modest goal for the blogathon: $1,000 ~ and if the money comes in ~ I’ll show my appreciation by posting a link to our old family blog. This is the personal family journal which I kept from August 2006 – January 2008 until I moved the journal to a new site.

As a way to build interest and anticipation, I’ll be sharing one post per day from the old family blog. Don’t worry that I might actually give away all the incentive to donate by sharing these posts ~ this is just a tease … There are over a year’s worth of posts, so the ones I republish here will be only a small sample.

NLQ Donation Total: $925.00 ~ Wow, huh?! I hope this “daily tease” will inspire you to help us reach our goal.

I just don’t like that …

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Berea’s been reading the latest issue of Above Rubies ~ Nancy Campbell’s magazine to encourage women in their roles as wives and mothers. The magazine just came in the mail today and already, she told me, she’s read nearly every page ~ every word, in fact.

And what does Berea think? Weird people ~ they think about health, and they all have a bunch of kids (mostly boys). And they think they have to OBEY their husbands ~ “I just don’t like that,” she says.

Well ~ no kidding, ‘Rea. Who would?

With five daughters and a not-exactly-perfect husband, it’s sometimes hard not to sympathize with the feminists. ‹(ô¿ô)›

Join the “Tease of the Day” discussion here!

by Vyckie

Since the main goal for the NLQ Blogathon is to introduce and promote the Take Heart Project, each day we will feature a brief “Take Heart Project” post to highlight the group’s goals, resources, needs, etc.

One very important goal of the Take Heart Project is to educate pastors of mainstream Christian churches on the signs of, and dangers of, Quiverfull thinking.  Many times, a churchgoing family will be seduced by the promises of Quiverfull and patriarchal literature for a perfect, godly family life.  One step into patriarchal religion leads to the next, and many families slowly slide further and further into a restrictive, legalistic, often abusive lifestyle.

Because Quiverfull is under the radar of most Christian denominations, pastors are unaware of the damage it can do, and do not recognize the incipient signs in members of their congregations.  By educating them on Quiverfull religious beliefs, the Take Heart Project will provide pastors with the tools needed to give congregation members a clearer picture of what Quiverfull really promises—repression, pain, and for women, self-abnegation “though He slay me.”

Check out the Take Heart Project thread on the NLQ forums!

Be sure to become a “fan” of THP on Facebook.

by Sierra

Every so often, a story circulated around Message churches. Our pastor related it with a twinkle of humour in his eye. The precociousness of little children was always a failsafe source of amusement in a world that afforded so many sinful entertainments. Children quoting scripture were even better. Out of the mouths of babes, it was oft repeated, the Word of God was made perfect. And so, it was with paroxysms of mirth that the following anecdote was passed around.

One day, a minister’s wife was out doing the grocery shopping with her family. Her youngest boy, then only four or five, spied a worldly woman in the supermarket. With frank and immediate assurance, he called out, “Hello, Miss Dog-Meat!” He looked up innocently to his mother for approval, who could not correct him – after all, the words he’d spoken had come from the prophet. Surely God would use the boy’s words to convict that woman of her immoral lifestyle. Her son had spoken the Truth – the Word of God was a seed, which would surely bring forth good fruit in the woman’s life if she but yielded to the chastisement of the Holy Ghost.

What was wrong with this woman to draw such censure from a small child? What aspect of her appearance instantly gave away the grave moral deficiencies of her character? She had been wearing eyeshadow.

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by Vyckie

Since NLQ actually is a means of support for my family, I am shamelessly soliciting donations during the blogathon. I’m still a single mom with 5 kids at home, so any contributions will be a big help. I’ve set a modest goal for the blogathon: $1,000 ~ and if the money comes in ~ I’ll show my appreciation by posting a link to our old family blog. This is the personal family journal which I kept from August 2006 – January 2008 until I moved the journal to a new site.

As a way to build interest and anticipation, I’ll be sharing one post per day from the old family blog. Don’t worry that I might actually give away all the incentive to donate by sharing these posts ~ this is just a tease … There are over a year’s worth of posts, so the ones I republish here will be only a small sample.

NLQ Donation Total: $880.00 ~ Wow, huh?! I hope this “daily tease” will inspire you to help us reach our goal.

Life doesn’t get any better than this …

Friday, February 16, 2007

Tonight, just before bedtime, I had a very good visit with Wesley ~ he’s such a doll and who can figure out the mind of an almost-four-year-old? We listened closely to the chilly wind blowing outside and he asked me why God sends storms. “To clear the air and blow all the bad stuff away,” I ventured in my typically philosophical way. “Well, eating cows’ heads is really yucky,” Wesley replied ~ where did that come from?!

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by Vyckie

Since the main goal for the NLQ Blogathon is to introduce and promote the Take Heart Project, each day we will feature a brief “Take Heart Project” post to highlight the group’s goals, resources, needs, etc.

Another goal of the Take Heart Project is to reach girls who have grown up in abusive religious movements.  Many of these movements teach that women have no place outside the home, and that all women are destined for a lifetime of motherhood and nothing else.  Girls who want anything else often have nowhere to turn for support.  By reaching out to these girls, we hope to show them that more opportunities exist, that they are not limited to childbearing alone, and that we are here to help when they are old enough to legally depart.  Those of us who have grown up this way know the terrible frustration and fear engendered by repression.  We want to give hope to the others that there is another way, and that we will help them find it.

Check out the Take Heart Project thread on the NLQ forums!

Be sure to become a “fan” of THP on Facebook.

Why Michelle Duggar can’t say, “We’re done!”

“We’ll just wait and see what God has in store.” ~ Michelle Duggar, People, Feb. 8, 2010

by Vyckie

 As a former Quiverfull mom of seven, I’ve had such a variety of birth experiences ~ emergency c-sections, scheduled repeat c-sections, failed homebirth attempt, successful homebirth (after four cesareans!), hospital VBAC, and with my last birth ~ which I had planned to have unassisted at home, I ended up with a 5th c-section due to partial uterine rupture. 

My complicated birthing history made living out the Quiverfull ideal of “leaving my fertility in the Lord’s hands” all the more challenging ~ and one of the toughest things for me to handle was all the well-meaning friends, family, and complete strangers who looked at what I’d already been through physically and asked the obvious question:

“Aren’t you done yet?!!!!”

This is the question everyone’s asking Mama Duggar of “19 Kids and Counting” – TLC fame.  And Michelle’s response in the current issue of People Magazine ~ “We’ll just wait and see what God has in store” ~ is exactly how I used to answer the concerned questioners too.

At one point, my own mother stood at the foot of my hospital bed and, with tears rolling down her cheeks, begged me not to get pregnant again. “This is too hard on you, Vyckie.  What about the children you already have?  You need to be alive and healthy to take care of them!!”

Despite the pain and misery I suffered ~ not to mention the very real danger to myself and my children ~ I had three more babies.

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