I Have Won

Print Friendly

by Tapati

Crashing against the wall
World spinning crazily
Your voice from a distance
Screaming in fury
Self righteous condemnation

Again the blows come
They seem to explode inside my head
I don’t see your fist
in its journey towards my body.

In defeat I huddle
Arms over my head, shielding in vain
Knees drawn up to chest
I believe this is the end.

Finally you finish
Your anger and frustration relieved.
Surprised to be alive
I remain where I am, in shock.

Slowly reason returns.
I try to pull myself together
Clutching the shreds of sanity–
Determined to survive.

In bitterness I hear the pleas
To forgive you one more time.
Ignore the empty promises
“It’ll never happen again.”

I know better than that
I’ve heard it all before.
I’ve also heard the denial
In between the beatings.

I want you to understand:
Violence has no excuse.
There is no rationale.
No end justifies that means.

You’re wrong about me.
I can make it without you.
Someone else could love me,
And I can love myself.

Now I’m on my own.
Life is peaceful and serene.
No fear intrudes on my home,
Or in the lives of my children.
I have won, after all.

Discuss this post on the NLQ forums!

NLQ Recommends ...

'Breaking Their Will: Shedding Light on Religious Child Maltreatment' by Janet Heimlich

‘Quivering Daughters‘ by Hillary McFarland

‘Quiverfull: Inside the Christian Patriarchy Movement‘ by Kathryn Joyce